So upset and disappointed

[mummybynature]

I am the youngest of 3 girls, my sisters are both quite a bit older than me so I have always looked up to them - especially the older one. The story is long but basically she has 2 kids and has been with FOB since her first was conceived (one night stand 9 years ago). They broke up though 3 years ago and have recently gotten back together. FOB is, to put it the best way possible an absolute pathetic excuse for a man and has done too many things to name to my family and to my sister. Saying things to my parents such as (to my mum about my Nan and Pop) "When your parents die I will be laughing at their funeral". When they broke up my sister became her old self again and was in a really good place. About 3 months ago, my pop passed away and the day it happened we all found out that my sister is back with FOB. She hasn't been the same since. She is very distant, especially with my parents. Today we had a family BBQ and it didn't even feel like she was there. She doesn't even acknowledge my dad and barely talks to mum. I just feel like I have lost my big sister. My family has done so much for her, especially the last 3 years by taking the kids most weekends so she could live a single life, now it is too hard for her to visit my family. I don't know what to do. She is the type that if I try talking to her she will cut me out of her life (she has done this previously). Has anyone else been in this situation (mine or hers?). Out of everyone I feel mostly for my dad, she didn't even kiss mum and dad goodbye today and dad went to bed almost as soon as she left.

[pegasus]

Hi mummybynature, I couldn't read without replying.

The problem is that it's hard to know what advice to really give in this sort of situation. It sounds like your sister is in an abusive situation (especially if her behaviour has changed and you've seen it before), but the sad reality is that if for her to know her situation is toxic -she has to see it herself.

The best advice I can give is to make sure you're there for your sister, but not condemning her relationship with FOB to her. When it fails again, she'll need somewhere safe to fall.

I'm sorry that's not really earthshattering in terms of stuff you can do, but sadly - there's not much you may be able to do in this situation.

Lots of I hope you get your sister back soon.