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  1. #21
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    Quote Originally Posted by wondergirl76 View Post
    Cleaning and shopping does not thrill me at all.
    For me this is the killer part of being a SAHM - and I only did it for 11 months with DS1.

    For those of you who have done it for many years continuously - especially as single parents are really amazing and I admire you.

    You have nothing to feel bad about.

    Good luck with your plans for next year.

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  3. #22
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    Not a crap mother at all - I only have one and being a SAHM gets me down sometimes too. Ironic when I spent years dreaming of being one (As my mother says, careful what you wish for hey!)

    I have moments when I love it, and moments when I feel like I'm totally lost. Where did "I" go, when I became "Mummy" ?

    Most days are a mix, with more good moments than bad, but my DD is very young. I can only imagine after 7yrs...

    Sending GBH

  4. #23
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    I loathed being a SAHM. Don't get me wrong, I love DS and loved it when he was a baby but as he got older there are only so many games I can play, so many things I can clean and cook before I start to go completely batty.

    When I was single I used to work one day per week while ex had his day with him - would this be possible for you?

    This won't last forever

  5. #24
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    Nope not a bad mum in my opinion. I have been at home for only nearly 3 months and I despise pretty much everything about it. I can't wait to go back to work so running the house and looking after DD is all up to me.

    It works for some women but not for others.

  6. #25
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    Buttoneska is offline Winner 2010- Most Community Minded Thread Award
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    Quote Originally Posted by mum2bubba View Post
    I was told by a close friend I might have depression, hopefully not but I don't really know a lot about it anyway, I do need to talk to someone though.. So much going on in my life atm.
    oh Cass, its totally understandable that you would need to talk to someone - an adult who is unbiased and you can just let it all out. Trust me - as hard as it can be at the start - it is sooooooooooooo freeing to get it all out!!!

    It is so wonderful that you want to study and work next yr - it is a great goal and I think it will be really rewarding. But I dont think it will automatically make everything else go away IYKWIM.

    I dont know much about the definitions of depression and all that stuff but my councellor taught me that some ppl have depression because of chemical reasons, some emotional and some both. She siad in mycase it was pretty simple - all the sh1t things that had happened to me made me sad, angry and confused. I couldnt express myself and noone was there for. All my feelings about my mum had to be supressed because of my step mother. In the end she said ppl in my situation have 3 options - 1. they break down and sieze to function. 2. they turn these twisted emotions outwards onto other ppl 3. they take these twisted emotions out of themselves. For me, I took them out on myself (without even realising) and that was my 'depression. She said that for me, it was good in many ways - it meant I could process all the crap from my past and i would naturally feel better IYKWIM. I saw the world with a dark viel over my eyes, each time I dealt with one thing from my past a bit of the viel would go away and eventually I could see the world withthe same joy I saw it as before all the crap.

    I always thought I had to find myself, invent myself, study, get a new job, get a new house - DO SOMETHING that would make me happy. That I had to ADD something to my life in order to be happy. What I learnt was the opposite - I didnt have to add anything. I had to TAKE AWAY all the crap everybody else had stacked on me when I was younger.

    To wake up excited about the day - its a strange but amazing feeling. And I didnt actually DO ANYTHING in my life that would consistute improving it - I didnt change any external things in my life. I just worked on me - internally.

    Once that was fixed, the desire to do something like study/work.change my life came from a place of building up the joy i already had rahter then trying to squash the pain.

    I dont know if any of that makes sense Cass, but maybe look at beyond blue for some more info if you want to know about depression? For me, I never really went down that path - I just knew I wanted to finally put it all behind me and I knew I would need to talk to someone. So I went to GP for a referral and then booked a councellor. I got 13 sessions subsidised (i think it was $30 out of pocket each session but they will work with you). Its hard but it was without the best thing I did. I figured that EVERYONE had deprived me of what I needed, if I didnt go I was continuing to deprive myself of what I needed.

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  8. #26
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    Are your kids in school/daycare fulltime?

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    I really admire you, to be a SAHM for 7 years, it is damn hard work being at home day in day out and amusing/entertaining/caring for children 24/7..... I have been a SAHM for 4 years now and I've really really struggled for the past 2 years and haven't enjoyed it at all, which always makes me feel terribly guilty to think like that. I was also diagnosed with PND when second DS was born, and living in a remote town away from all family/friends, so there have been many a day where I have totally "hated" it!!!! Thankfully now we have moved to the city and near family/friends which has been a huge support for me. But I still quite often feel totally sick of being a mum and think about the old carefree life before kids came along!!

    You are definitely not alone so don't beat yourself up feeling bad for not enjoying it. I sometimes feel like I'm the only one feeling like this because no one really talks about how much they dislike it at times, but I'm sure most mums have feelings like this at times. I know that the best thing for me will be returning to work part-time so that I can get a break from both DSs, and so that they can get a break from me (cranky mummy!!)... I am really looking forward to that and I do think that I should have worked part-time between having the kids and also gone back to work a year ago, maybe that would have given me the balance that I need, and therefore my kids wouldn't have had such an angry/cranky mother for the past year or so!!

    If daycare wasn't so damn expensive I would put the kids in tomorrow too!!! My 3yr old DS has just started 1 full day a week at daycare (even though we can't really afford it) and I cant wait for each daycare day, I count down the days and I totally LOVE the 1 day off from him, even though I still have my 1yr old DS with me all day still! As mums we need a break from our kids, however small that break is and whatever the cost!! I hope that you can get a break somehow soon.


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    Firstly-
    Secondly, no, it doesn't make you a bad mum. I take massive pride in my job, I love working. I worked part time (2-5 days/wk) from when DD was 10 weeks old (not by choice there!) til she was 3, then full time. She's 9 now and we have a great relationship. I think being a SAHM is not for everyone. It doesn't mean you don't love your kids. I think as a single parent child care wont cost a heap- have you thought about a part time job for 1-2 days a week? I used to love getting out and talking with other grown ups! It might boost your self esteem and make the stay at home days more valuable and easier to bear. I hope it works out for you soon.

  11. #29
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lemonhead View Post
    Are your kids in school/daycare fulltime?
    Her post says she would put th kids in child care if it weren't so expensive.....

  12. #30
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    Quote Originally Posted by Benji View Post
    Her post says she would put th kids in child care if it weren't so expensive.....
    Ohh fair enough, so would I.

    I was just thinking today...I wonder if Ms. Gillard would be happy to do a job that she hated for years and years, free of charge, and suffering a mental illness because of it. Crap workplace conditions, working 24/7 with no sick leave or holiday pay...I wonder if she'd fix the daycare dilemma then?

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