What makes you a good mother?

[Rachae]

I was reading the what makes a good dad thread, and thought... I need some inspiration. I am 6 weeks out from becoming a first time mother and feel completely inadequate, I don't do the dishes before I go to
bed (I do them during the day) I don't make our bed in the morning,


Y DH pulls me up on all of these things, and it makes me feel like I'm not cut out to bee a mum...

I want to know... What do you do that makes you feel like a good parent? Is it all about a tidy house and clean kitchen like my DH thinks? Or is it about the love you can give?

[Annabella]

My house is in a constant state of caos and im a great mum. What makes me a good mum is basically that i always put my childrens needs first. That doesnt mean i never do anything for myself, or that im perfect. But i always always always fulfil my chikdrens' needs first and foremost. Every decision i make, i make with them in mind. I make sure they are safe, have healthy nutritious food, get enough rest and are loved and supported and hugged and kissed and listened to every day.

As long as the house is not unhygenically dirty (i admit i always do the dishes before bed but the rest of the house is a mess), it doesnt contribute to how good a parent you are IMO.

Good luck with your baby, you'll be fine

[nicoleE]

I personally think you need to be;
Loving and cuddly
Understanding - see things from their view and age appropriate
Patient!
Disciplined - be fair and firm, children need limits
Fun!! Enjoy being a child again with your kids
Read allot - so much is learnt from reading books to young children and it also involves lovely 1-1 cuddling time.


While you do need a hygienic and semi-organized home you have to see past the dishes on the sink and washing to be folded etc, they will get done eventually, sometimes with kids things just come up, I think every parent will learn that! Dads that go off to work and have no idea about looking after kids (my DH is one of them!!) have to accept that. Plus - sometimes it's just too beautiful a day to spend it doing chores, instead you just take the extra moment to enjoy your kids - that's what it's all about.

[twinboysmum]

I can tell you it will get easier, when my children where 6 weeks old (and probably until they were 6 months old) my house was always messy! It has started to balance out now though that I can creep away from the kids for a minute while they are happily playing and do the washing etc.

What I think makes me a good parent is that I care! I care that my child is in clean clothes, I care that they get the right nutrition, I care that they have enough sleep even if that means I can't go out at a particular time because it is nap time, I care about their crys and that they obviously want/ need something, I care about their health and I care about making sure they feel loved.
I don't care however that the bed is not made because the bed does not appreciate the time I put into making it, but my children appreciate the time I put into them - and they show it when ever I get a big smile, a cute giggle, a squishy hug and of course an open mouth kiss fro them

By the sounds of the thread I think you know what a good mother is and you know you are one, I think it more lies with maybe feeling like an inadequate wife (just because I felt like this when my children were born) but I think you need to explain to DH that you have a full time job as well (actually 24/7) and a little bit of help around the home would be greatly appreciated. Sometimes when partners and husbands go to work as normal after having a child and have not really had time at home dealing with the newborn by themselves they think you just stay home so must have endless amounts of time to cook and clean - if only they spent a while in our shoes

[Stumbleine]

It sounds like your DH or you are confusing what a good mother is with being a 'good wife' Dont be so hard on yourself, your child is 6 weeks and it takes some time to get into the groove of things.

I think being a good mum is loving your child and providing the best that you can for them. Not with materialistic things, but with attention, love and nutrition etc.

I would say it took me 3 months to get back into the swing of being a good wife AND a good mother and IMO being a good mother should almost always come first.

[sjay]

You're only just getting out of the fog that nearly all mothers feel, whether its your first or your 20th.

I think what makes a great mum is that you try to be patient, understanding, playful, fun and loving.
I read a quote somewhere that went something along the lines of if you want everything to be neat and tidy you start to look at everything with a critical eye, and that's all your children see, you critically looking over them for an untucked shirt or
Dirty shoes, but if you look at them with the genuine love you feel, your relationship will be so much better for it

[Benji]

Hi Rachae, firstly

I wrote the good dad thread and you'll notice I didn't put things like "a good dad is one who earns a lot of money" or "a good dad is one who stays on top of all of the housework", those are just things that people do in everyday life. Whether they are done before you go to bed or the following day really has no bearing at all on whether you are a good parent.

A good mum is one who does the best she can for her children and loves them unconditionally and a good wife is one who loves her husband and respects him - neither of which have anything to do with housework. Dishes are no longer "women's work" so if your hubby has an issue with the dishes not being done at bed time he can pick up a sponge

I'm one who cannot sleep without a tidy kitchen but I don't expect DP to have that same standard, I'd never hassle him for the state of the house.

[Areca]

My mum tells me that back in 'her day' a good mum also equated to a good housewife. She now thinks very differently and wishes she'd relaxed a little more with the housework and enjoyed us more instead. I don't think she did a bad job...I had a wonderful childhood but perhaps this is where your DH is getting his ideas from?
How clean and tidy your house is has nothing to do with how you fair as a parent.

[BigW]

I am totally comfortable with the fact that people come to visit me and not my house. Just as well with three boys......
I am totally comfrotable with wearing PJ's and no bra all day 'cos I just want a day off.......
I am totally comfortable in my unmade bed which has been unmade for...oh....perhaps a week.......
It used to upset hubby initally while I broke him in, however, he's slobbing it up no problems now (it was either that or do it himself)
My kids are healthy, happy, adaptive, focussed, fun and motivated. They always have clean clothes, clean teeth and a clean face; all this with crumbs on the floor and a messy bedroom!
There's more important things in life, I wont judge you if you don't do your dishes today, hell, I haven't even done mine yet!

[Stretched]

Like many of the pps, I also believe there are two separate (yet entwined) roles of 'mum' and 'housekeeper'.

For me, I never planned on becoming a housekeeper - or excelling at that job - if I had I would never have gone to uni for 4 years (then another year more recently to update my quals). I would have become a housekeeper if that was an area that I wanted to excell in.

I did always know i would be a parent and I make every effort to be the best mum I can. It took me a few years of becoming a mum to realise this distinction between the two roles and become less critical of my housekeeping skills/motivation.

I'll be receiving no compliments on the state of my house in any hurry (and DH has learnt to not even go there!) but I have had and do get many compliments on the job I do as a mum - including the praise and adoration my little girl gives me every day!

I think a bit of 'you' time is also essential when you become a mum. The best advice I took was to make sure you have a shower every day. DD would sit in her bouncer each day - and not always happily - but I jolly well got my shower and it definitely helped keep me sane in those first few weeks. As for the dishes - neh, so long as her stuff was clean and sterilised, that's all I stressed about.