4 failed cycles am i strong enough to do it again?

**Kazzy76** · 18-10-2011 06:45

I don't understand.....4 cycles later and i'm still without baby, in 4 cycles i've had 2 fails, EP an MC....i thought for sure this was the one we had the BEST embryo i was on Clexane for my clotting and doing acupuncture. DH and i were feeling the most positive out of all the cycles and somehow not even that helped us.

I'm really starting to think maybe i'm just not meant to have children, do you know how frightening that is to say out loud? IVF is our ONLY chance at a family, i had both tubes removed in 2009.

Thank God for places like Bub Hub where you can vent and cry , where everyone here really understands what you're going through.

**Bear and Mum** · 18-10-2011 07:01

Oh Kazzy, Big

Its frustrating. Anyone on this IVF journey knows that, but as Meshell said, your a woman and

we are strong enough. Take time out and then start again when your ready...

**Kazzy76** · 18-10-2011 07:13

Thanks so much ladies....Time out sounds like a great idea , spend some quailty time with DH .....be there for eachother...

Thanks for your support xxx

**Frostysmum** · 18-10-2011 08:08

Only you can answer that. You'll be amazed how much tenacity you can find in yourself because the draw to motherhood is a very strong one. There're some legendary ladies here who's done many more rounds than myself and finally achieve their dreams.

Do take some time out to heal though, many people forget that our hearts and souls need to heal in addition to our bodies, many people are too desparate to beat the time constraints of the ticking biological clock they don't make time to heal their souls.

I wish you all the best, and that your heart's desire will materialise very very soon. It's there for the taking. For some it just takes longer (well a lot longer than you wished for

).

**Anyanka** · 18-10-2011 08:42

kazzy,

Only you can decide if your strong enough to do IVF again. If I were you I would take a break from it. Go do what you want to do, go have a well deserved holiday. I found it helpful to take a break.

I don't know how anyone does back to back cycles thats crazy to me, let lone have the money for it. I also found it helpful to put a number on the amount of cycles I would be willing to do to get a child. Im not one of those people who would be willing to put my body through IVF time and time again. But there are those out there.

My husband said something interesting the other day. Everytime you stimulate your ovaries and get roughly 8-15 eggs you really are using a whole year worth of eggs. I never thought of that before, but it made sense to me.

Also after I stimmed and got my BFP it took 5 months before my ovaries settled down from all those drugs. Everytime I had an U/S they would remark your ovaries still haven't settled down. I said yeah I know.

I truely believe in a break for sanity reasons as well as giving your ovaries a chance to regenerate. Plus a break from the IVF drugs that do take a toll on your liver. Your liver is the cleanser of the body it filters everything including those drugs.

BUT ONLY YOU CAN DECIDE IF YOU WANT TO GO AGAIN. DO NOT LISTEN TO THOSE WHO SAY YOU CAN GO AGAIN IF YOU DON'T WANT TO. DO NOT LISTEN TO THOSE WHO SAY NO YOU CAN'T. TAKE ALL THE INFORMATION AND ADVICE AND COMPILE YOUR OWN VIEWS. ONLY YOU CAN DECIDE.

**traveler** · 18-10-2011 08:46

I am so sorry that it is taking you so long, it just isn't fair.
Like the other ladies have said, you are, and will be strong enough, but you need to decide if you want to be strong enough. Ivf changes us for the better and worse, puts a massive strain on relationships and puts our life on hold for years.
I'm sorry to be such a downer but I think it's important to take back ownership of our lives and decide when enough is enough. A break is a fantastic idea to recharge those coping batteries and gain perspective. And perhaps give it one last go.

Best of luck, I really hope you get a baby at the end of all this

**Frostysmum** · 18-10-2011 09:33

Originally Posted by Anyanka

My husband said something interesting the other day. Everytime you stimulate your ovaries and get roughly 8-15 eggs you really are using a whole year worth of eggs. I never thought of that before, but it made sense to me.

This statement is scientifically erroneous. Ovarian reserve is not determined by how many eggs you've already had retrieved or produced via natural ovulation. A female fetus has about 6-7 million primordial follicles by the time she's about 15 weeks old in utero, the decline (biological clock) starts then and there, at birth there's 1-2million follicles, by age 30, only 12% left, and by age 40 only 3%. But even 3% of 6-7 million is enough in one's lifetime especially for us who only want less than a handful of children. Some women will have accelerated decline of ovarian reserve, thus the above statistics don't apply to them. The problem with a woman at 40 with normal ovarian reserve is not her egg numbers, it's her egg quality that's the problem. A woman in her 20's with low AMH however would have very good chances of having a babe in arms because her eggs are of much better quality. The ovary also doesn't select which follicles to spit out, it's all random. You'll never know when the good one is going to come.

I've done 9 stims, I can say I still have millions of follicles left, but the quality is declining rapidly with time as I'm aging. As much as one has to hurry up to beat the biological clock, I do strongly believe in taking the time to heal your soul. You are absolutely no use to anyone especially a baby if you're down trodden and a broken person. (This part is my personal view)

**JDJ** · 18-10-2011 09:53

Kazzy you are definately strong enough, no question! Have a break, both mentally and physically, let yourself cry and be sad but dont give up. This time in all our lives is so crap words cant even explain it. But without question you will feel stronger soon and get back on the horse!

**Kazzy76** · 18-10-2011 09:59

Thanks JDJ it's good advice, ive managed to drag myself out of bed at last . DH and I will have some retail therapy on Thursday I think and a nice dinner. We have eachother and at the end of the day that's the most important thing

**jayemkayare** · 18-10-2011 11:30

Kazzy76 – yes, you are strong enough

You’ve done 4 cycles, you have already demonstrated the super strength only a woman can have!!!!! And it sounds like that with every cycle you have gotten closer to solving all the puzzle for your long awaited BFP. We all get the doubts in our heads though; this is hard and trying process when you face failed cycle after failed cycle but when I start thinking that I’m not strong enough to do another cycle I realise that I’m not actually strong enough to give up yet. You will know what is right for you.

I’m not sure how close you are from your last cycle but I find that time helps the thought process. So many irrational thoughts fly through my head just after a failed cycle

Only people who have had failed cycles can understand what it is like and YES!!! Thank God for BubHub.

It sounds like you take so much strength from your DH. Have a wonderful romantic dinner with DH and enjoy each others company. Try and stay positive and as a previous poster said, each day you get a little more of your strength back.

And just in case you were don’t be worried about using up all of your eggs, that statement is not true. Your body naturally has many eggs waiting on any given cycle and only chooses one to ovulate then the rest just die. IVF just uses these excess eggs. So doing more IVF cycles doesn’t mean that you will run out of eggs AT ALL.