help change my opinion

**~Danni~** · 05-10-2011 15:34

just thought I would add OP, my post is not "having a go" at any one in specific, It's just emotive for my IYKWIM. Also hrping on about the money, only because that seems to be"one of the biggest "problems" people have with us being young IRL.

Recently one of the school mums made a comment about not inviting us to something incase it put a strain on our finances, funny thing being from previous convos I know her hubby literally makes half of what mine does.

scuse bad typing babe in arms...

**dreadlockfairy** · 05-10-2011 15:40

Originally Posted by Brightsilverstar

Ideally i'd love everyone to live a full life. I guess for some people that isn't travelling, or going out with friends, or doing lots of fun things but I just wonder why would you plan to be a parent before you've had a chance to have heaps of experiences yourself.

Honestly, every single one of my 30-40 year old childless friends truly believe they still haven't lived a full life/experienced enough to settle down to have kids. For some people I don't think a life time of their own experiences is enough to satisfy.

I'm a young mum (not a teen) but I started my family young as I wanted to be a young parent. I don't think you stop having fun or experience life when you have kids.

Anyway I'm sorry OP that you know of some examples of bad teen parenting. I can't convince you teen parents are better any more than I can convince you that 20 yers olds, or 30 year olds, or 40 year olds are good parents. Because it comes down to the individual. Some people make selfish choices. It's not an age thing.

**Guest1234** · 05-10-2011 15:44

I was 18 when I fell pregnant to DD1, I had our second a couple of days after my 21st. Both were completely planned, I didn't feel the need to study and work on a career, I didn't NEED to work or start working on a career. I've always wanted to be a mum first and foremost and when I met DH we both just knew we were ready.
We own our house (outright) and we own everything else too. We have no debts and no money owing to anyone, not even a credit card. What ever money we earn is ours and can be used for whatever we want (once bills are paid). There is no need for me to work, and I am very happy to stay home with the kids until they are at school.
At 22 I feel as though I have accomplished my biggest goals, now its just a matter of enjoying my life for the rest of it

ETA: Please don't quote as I'll probably come back at a later date to remove specific details as I don't like to leave details of our financial situation out there for a long time, so I post it just for the purpose of this thread but remove when the thread dies. Thanks

**~Danni~** · 05-10-2011 15:49

Originally Posted by MeggyMoo

I was 18 when I fell pregnant to DD1, I had our second a couple of days after my 21st. Both were completely planned, I didn't feel the need to study and work on a career, I didn't NEED to work or start working on a career. I've always wanted to be a mum first and foremost and when I met DH we both just knew we were ready.
We own our house (outright) and we own everything else too. We have no debts and no money owing to anyone, not even a credit card. What ever money we earn is ours and can be used for whatever we want (once bills are paid). There is no need for me to work, and I am very happy to stay home with the kids until they are at school.
At 22 I feel as though I have accomplished my biggest goals, now its just a matter of enjoying my life for the rest of it

ETA: Please don't quote as I'll probably come back at a later date to remove specific details as I don't like to leave details of our financial situation out there for a long time, so I post it just for the purpose of this thread but remove when the thread dies. Thanks

I feel the same as you

**The Girls Only Club** · 05-10-2011 16:11

I am a teen mum (well not anymore) I had DD1 at 16 and DD1 17 months later.
I've spent my whole life with people judging me and it no longer bothers me. I'm a damn good mother and I'm proud of it.

I've never been clubbing. It doesn't appeal to me.
I've never left the country. It doesn't appeal to me.
I don't drink. It doesn't appeal to me.
Before DD3 I worked in the school canteen and went on every excursion, helped in class.
We go on holidays yearly and have a nice tidy sum in the bank.
We don't own our own house but we move every 2-3 years so renting is easier.

DH and I have lived on our own since we were 15. His boss let us rent his house. It was damn hard at times. We were so poor that DH and I often went without food, but our kids never did. They use to have everything they ever wanted. Then we realized we were turning them into spoilt brats, now they have everything they need.
Even at the height of DH gambling problem the kids always had what they needed.
When both girls were at school I got a job and worked my way up to Manager. I returned to Tafe and now am a qualified in 2 fields, neither which appeal to me at the moment. After the birth of DD3 I still worked. I have recently quit as we moved and am taking a year off to spend with the kids. Help them settle into school and new sports. I'll return to school in the new year and work by June.

If I didn't have my children when I did my life would be 100% worse. I come from a long life of welfare recipients who have no plan to ever work. Without my kids I probably would be a junkie with 5/6 kids to as many fathers.

My life is fulfilled, I'm doing exactly what I want to do. And by the time my kids grow up and leave home I still have plenty of time to do whatever I feel like

Damn auto correct changing my spelling!!!

**Brightsilverstar** · 05-10-2011 16:15

Thanks for all your replies.

You all sound like fantastic parents and very stable. Your kids are lukcy to have you as parents!

To answer Benjis question i was 25 when i feel pregnant and 26 when i had him. I always planned to have 2 before 30 as i wanted to be old enough to have the experience but young enough to enjoy them. He was definately planned and we are planning on our 2nd at the moment.

Meggy and Danni i know financially your fine but saying by age 22 that you have accomplished your biggest goals and now your going to sit back and enjoy it for the rest of it. Do you not think life has more to offer than a family?

Benji again going back to what you said about this being a reflection of myself im thinking this is more and more true reading through these. I absolutely ADORE my son, he is the best thing ever, and yet i am still not satisfied and so maybe because of the way i was bought up i project these feelings onto teen parents. I mean if im not content and i want more, surely someone who had a baby so young has missed out on so many opportunities.

So much to ponder. I am glad you guys have replied, now i can reflect on my own thoughts and situation about why i am not satisifed with just being a parent.

x

**Guest1234** · 05-10-2011 16:21

Originally Posted by Brightsilverstar

Meggy and Danni i know financially your fine but saying by age 22 that you have accomplished your biggest goals and now your going to sit back and enjoy it for the rest of it. Do you not think life has more to offer than a family?

It does, just because I've accomplished the things I set out to accomplish in life doesn't mean I won't take other life opportunities, its just now I can take it as it comes without feeling like I have to continue along a certain road to accomplishments.

**~Danni~** · 05-10-2011 16:23

Originally Posted by Brightsilverstar

Meggy and Danni i know financially your fine but saying by age 22 that you have accomplished your biggest goals and now your going to sit back and enjoy it for the rest of it. Do you not think life has more to offer than a family?

x

At this point in time I have zero want to do anything else. That may very well change over time but I don't see what options would close up soley based on having children IYKWIM?

ETA - I also can't see anything that would be bigger or better than having my children, they are my hugest source of joy and I could never accomplish anything more amazing than them

I also realise my feelings about this may all change as I grow

**Brightsilverstar** · 05-10-2011 16:24

Originally Posted by MeggyMoo

It does, just because I've accomplished the things I set out to accomplish in life doesn't mean I won't take other life opportunities, its just now I can take it as it comes without feeling like I have to continue along a certain road to accomplishments.

Good point

There are probably millions of people wishing they were in your position.

My hubby and i are stable, we're in our late 20's, we have our son who has just turned 1. We both work in high paying jobs and yet we still have debt (mortgage). So Dan you are better off than us

**Brightsilverstar** · 05-10-2011 16:28

Sitting here and trying to be honest with myself and i am going to try really hard not to judge any teen mums. I am not going to lie to you and say yep im cured because im sure if i saw a young teen with a baby and smoking/dressed really provocatively/talking about how she never wants to work etc then im sure my initial reaction will be to judge her harshly. If that happens i hope my 2nd reaction could be thinking she is doing her very best and you never know what happens behind closed doors.

You guys are all doing so fabulously and i wish i knew some teens mums just like you guys.