Am I the only one....

**Theophania** · 20-09-2011 19:17

Who feels like motherhood is sometimes way to hard

I am struggling at the moment, my family is driving me crazy, my children are driving me crazy, the new area I have moved into does not have infrastructure for adsl broadband so I am using crazy expensive pre-paid wireless (telstra have said that due to the National Broadband Scheme the government is 'rolling out' until they do that I will never get broadband and I am looking at going back to full time study at the beginning of next year, so that is driving me crazy, and to top it off I have not been able to get to an AA meeting for a week so I am running really rough.... Most of all though I am driving myself crazy. I feel so out of control of everything at the moment. Its so hard to explain!!!!

But I am being the most horrible mother. I just can't handle my kiddies at the moment

I am feeling so trapped, and I have alot of **** going on with my family (won't go into that though). I just wish for once everything could just be ok for a ****ing day... just one day

I am feeling so guilty too because when I go back to studying at the beginning of next year, I will need to put my kids into daycare for 1 or 2 days a week, and that goes against everything I believe in. I had my babies and I feel like I should be home to care for them and love and nurture them and teach them, but if I am honest I think I need this time away for my sanity.... I am going crazy doing the same thing day in and day out. I don't feel like I am teaching them as well as I should be, I find it so hard to find the time in the day to sit down and actually play one on one with them, because I always have so much **** to do around the house.. And my day consists of the same thing all the time, wake up, make kids brekky, clean up, have a bit of a play outside with kids, morning tea, put kids down for sleep, clean up, do washing, maybe watch a bit of tv if I have time, make kids lunch, play with kids and watch some of their shows, afternoon tea, play outside, bath time, clean up, cook dinner, clean up, put kids to bed and clean up!!!!! I can't stand it anymore, seriously that is what I do all day pretty much everyday. I can't afford to go out very often because fuel and publiuc transport are quite expensive and then to pack my kids up and get them ready for a day out takes till about 10am anyway and then they are ready for a sleep adn if I take them out they are tired and cranky.

Seriously how do you all do it? Because I must be missing something here. I just can't believe that it is normal to struggle as much as I am, WTF am I doing wrong

**TurnedBatty** · 20-09-2011 19:32

I understand how you feel. I wish I had advice but I'm in the same boat st the moment. I hope things improve for you!

**Sundae** · 20-09-2011 19:32

No you are not alone. There are days when we all feel the same way you do.
If you ever want to chat I'm here xxxx

**Misschief** · 20-09-2011 19:41

Awwww hun. Definitely not alone

You probably have already tried this, but have you had counseling before? Not the AA counseling, but just emotional support counseling?
I really do not think you need to feel guilty about putting your kiddies in daycare. You need to have YOU time or at least some time away to concentrate on other things like study. If this means that you will be a happier mummy, it will only benefit your kids. Happy mum = happy kids. Does your husband help out during the weekend?

**Bubbygirl** · 20-09-2011 19:49

As the others said, ur not alone!!!!
Kids and life are tough. And ur goin through AA....

I think just knowing that your doing AA should let you know that you are a great mummy!!

Many people wouldnt do AA, let alone even admit it, So try to relax when you can and give your self a huge pat on the back going doing AA cause that alone makes you an awesome mummy!!!!!!! Hugs

**mummykitty** · 20-09-2011 19:50

What area are you in is there anyone close by who can offer some support?

you're not alone

**Theophania** · 20-09-2011 19:53

I have had counselling in the past, but never found any benefit in it. Maybe I just haven't had a good counsellor yet

My hubby is amazing, he works shift work, and he works hard (50+ hours a week), and he is always helping around the house when he is here. He is hands on with the kids and helps out with the housework (although he isn't very good at it lol, but he tries).

So I have a great support in him. Its hard with him working so many hours, and lots of that is night shift so he needs his sleep through the day, but I feel so bad that he works so hard and I still need so much from him when he is home.

I just feel like the worlds worst mum at the moment. I feel like I shouldn't have been blessed with two beautiful children because I spend alot of time being resentful of that. I have been given so many wonderful things and still I find time to whinge iykwim.... I just wish I could get my **** together and just cope, cause this isn't fair on anyone. I feel like I don't have the skills to be a good mum and I spend so much of my day worrying I am doing the wrong thing by my kids and not setting them up to be the best they can be. I hardly ever read to my kids, I know thats bad, but I just can't find time to sit and read... I can't figure out a structured day for them where they can learn new things, I feel like they are missing out, and I know they will get that stuff at daycare and it makes me sad I can't do it for them. I just feel like I am lacking something...

so sorry for the pity party, just running rough at the moment and need to get it out

**Misschief** · 20-09-2011 20:01

Maybe it is worth to find a different counselor. You have nothing to loose, only to gain. BubHub is a great place to vent and get it out there.
Have you spoken to your husband about your anxiety and worries? Would you be able to get some help from friends or family? Like having someone watch the kids once a week while you have a nice soak in the bath? Something like that.
Do you take your kids to a playgroup? You can let them run around and play while you relax with a cuppa.

**happygirl1982** · 20-09-2011 20:12

Isn't some daycare good for kids anyways? Get them socialising with others and allows you some time to refresh ?

**anewme** · 20-09-2011 20:18

Honestly hun, nobody can do it all. It's is ok not to be able to handle everything.

Here soe ore hugs cause I know how hard it is to be a mum. I have days where all I can do is cry.