Who feels like motherhood is sometimes way to hard
I am struggling at the moment, my family is driving me crazy, my children are driving me crazy, the new area I have moved into does not have infrastructure for adsl broadband so I am using crazy expensive pre-paid wireless (telstra have said that due to the National Broadband Scheme the government is 'rolling out' until they do that I will never get broadband and I am looking at going back to full time study at the beginning of next year, so that is driving me crazy, and to top it off I have not been able to get to an AA meeting for a week so I am running really rough.... Most of all though I am driving myself crazy. I feel so out of control of everything at the moment. Its so hard to explain!!!!
But I am being the most horrible mother. I just can't handle my kiddies at the moment I am feeling so trapped, and I have alot of **** going on with my family (won't go into that though). I just wish for once everything could just be ok for a ****ing day... just one day
I am feeling so guilty too because when I go back to studying at the beginning of next year, I will need to put my kids into daycare for 1 or 2 days a week, and that goes against everything I believe in. I had my babies and I feel like I should be home to care for them and love and nurture them and teach them, but if I am honest I think I need this time away for my sanity.... I am going crazy doing the same thing day in and day out. I don't feel like I am teaching them as well as I should be, I find it so hard to find the time in the day to sit down and actually play one on one with them, because I always have so much **** to do around the house.. And my day consists of the same thing all the time, wake up, make kids brekky, clean up, have a bit of a play outside with kids, morning tea, put kids down for sleep, clean up, do washing, maybe watch a bit of tv if I have time, make kids lunch, play with kids and watch some of their shows, afternoon tea, play outside, bath time, clean up, cook dinner, clean up, put kids to bed and clean up!!!!! I can't stand it anymore, seriously that is what I do all day pretty much everyday. I can't afford to go out very often because fuel and publiuc transport are quite expensive and then to pack my kids up and get them ready for a day out takes till about 10am anyway and then they are ready for a sleep adn if I take them out they are tired and cranky.
Seriously how do you all do it? Because I must be missing something here. I just can't believe that it is normal to struggle as much as I am, WTF am I doing wrong