Boggling mind

[Kibou]

Hi everyone,

Well, I’ve taken the plunge and acknowledged that I’m goingto need some support through this. Ihave a very supportive husband and great friends, even some friends who’ve beenthrough IVF themselves, but I’ve only just worked out this week that that thething that’s been boggling my mind and that I’m going to struggle with the mostis not having my mum here to walk this journey with me.

I’m not a very emotional person. In fact, my BFF calls meemotionally challenged due to my fierce independence and rock hardexterior. I can’t even say that anythingexternally has changed. My persona andapproach to this new bump in the road is the same as I would tackle anyproject. Prior to learning about having to undertake IVF, we were planning tobuild a house…. My approach now hasn’t been any different; seekinformation, undertake planning, stay level headed and cool, adapt as required…. Done!

Anyway, I thought I’d share my journey here and take advantage of a whole forum of people who will get it. Also, I sense that itwill be cathartic so apologies for the self-indulgence J

Late last year, my work colleague Ms K and I had bandedtogether in our attempt to TTC. It wasgreat to have someone to talk to each day and compare notes as we both hadiphone apps tracking our temps and cycles etc. We'd talk about shopping trips away together to buy our nurseryfurniture and working out what we'd do when we were both on maternity leave together. Both of us have partners who work away forweeks at a time so it was great that we had each other to share the journeywith (not that we weren't sharing it with our husbands of course!!). It wasexciting but deep down we knew that this little journey of ours could end inheartbreak for either one of us if the ideal situation didn't evenuate aswe'd hoped.

Back in March this year, I awoke early and texted Ms K asthis was the day that she was doing her HPT for this cycle. Via SMS, we went back and forth, waitingfor the results and the elusive little second pink line to come up – it did! And I was thefirst to learn that she was pregnant! Veryexciting and with my HPT date was only a week away, we were estatic... onedown, one to go!

I didn't get my BFP the following week, nor in the couple ofmonths afterwards. Back in 2000, I hadan ovarian cyst removed. After a fewmonths and no BFP, I had a gut feeling that something wasn't right... the samesort of gut feeling that I had when I discovered the cyst. I got a referral from my GP and headed to ourlocal OB/GYN who ordered a bunch of tests.

So in June, in addition to my numerous blood tests, DH hadhis round of tests too. I also had tohave a hypersalpingogram (HSG - which is essentially dye injected through thecervix to check for any blockages in my tubes for those who haven’t heard ofit).... And guess what? Both tubesblocked.... They show you the screen as they go so I could see very clearlythat my tubes were blocked - apparently traced back to my operation for my cyst11 years ago.

I headed back to work as my appointment was at lunch time,and then, believe it or not, 2.5hrs later I went into a job interview for amanagement position - this opportunity had come up several weeks prior before Iknew what was happening and because I had such a strong gut feeling, I decidedthat if we needed to head down the IVF path, I needed to go for this job -after all, a higher salary will come in handy.

So that night, after my interview (where I certainly didn’t feelthat I brought my A game to the table), I went outfor some goodbye drinks for a friend and wrote myself off (I don't do crying,but three bottles of wine later and I was giving it a good crack! Nothing like abit of public humiliation to get some perspective!).

The results from all the tests came back the following weekand confirmed what I already knew, however the second kick in the gutscame when they said my husband's count and motility wasn't good either...double hit! But after some research, quite common in truck drivers as it turns out - something about bouncing up and down on their nads all day above a hot engine apparently.

Anyway, we now are heading down the IVF path - with ICSI due toDH's sperm. Our plans to build our houseare now definitely on hold. I got the job so have a new job to get my headaround and as such we've held off starting the first cycle until October sothat I can have 3 months in the role (and therefore a year in the job beforematernity leave - if of course it works the first time around).

Our nearest IVF clinic is 4.5hrs away in Adelaide (Repromed)and as my DH is a truck driver who is often insterstate it's already been hard to try and coordinate our initial meeting with the clinic (they kindly putboth the initial and the next meeting into one), let alone actually getting himhome for harvest and then transfer - but we'll figure it out and do it becausewe want this. Despite the cost and the inconvenience and the disappointment atnot sharing my friend's journey - we want this.

Anyway, that's my story... clearly I just needed to get thatoff my chest...

I’d love to hear about anyone’s experiences with Repromed in Adelaide, but also am really keen to hear how people have coped when they don’t have their mum around. Despite it being 13 years since she died, I’vebeen really surprised and how much it’s affected me not having her here.

Thanks for listening - xx

[tens2many]

Hi Kibou,
Im pretty sure we can all relate to the boggling mind and my advice to you is be ready as IVF will fill your mind with more boggling and many many questions and fears,this site has many many experienced women who all are armed with a wealth of knowledge and will always offer support and advice.there is also many women who have had to do IVF alone for 1 reason or another and you sound like your gunna fit in very very well your strength and determination will be of great assistance to you as you head towards your IVF journey...soon you will be making a baby without
your DH'S help at all it will be you your FS,FN and half a doz assistants looking at your bits and you will be like DH who!!!!! perhaps you could put in for a couple of weeks leave so everything could be co-ordinated with DH'S driving.
I have full understanding of no mother tho not thru loss I in fact have zero contact with all my family and some times it can be a very lonely road but that is where bubhub comes in and is my lifeline.Try and find a group that you may fit into such as the month you will be cycling or the age related groups ect and you will be welcomed with open arms best wishes for a short and rewarding ivf run with a bundle of joy at the end
cheers Lisa

ICSI #1 2008(1 Embryo) -DS Archie Jo(stillborn at 36wks and 5 days)
ICSI #2 2009(2 Embryo's) 1 Transfered -bfn (1 frozen)
FET #3 2009 bfn
ICSI #42009(2 Embryos) 2 Transfered -bfn
ICSI #52010(2 Embryos) 2 Transfered -bfn
ICSI #6 2011 May/June 2011 this will be the one NO NOT THE ONE

ED TBA in september hopefully lucky 7