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  1. #431
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    Hello everyone,

    I've been following your journey for a while now on this thread and it has always given me hope that I do have another option should IVF not work for my DH and I.

    After 3 cycles of IVF and a very recent 0 egg count at EPU I'm leaning more and more towards wanting to do donor eggs in South Africa.

    I'm currently 40 and feel that I would like to be a mother sooner rather than later. My life feels in constant limbo at the moment of waiting for the next IVF cycle, and for a while not leaving a job I'm totally over 'just in case this cycle is the lucky cycle...' - then I do apply for a new job because 'life must go on' and I'm stressed that I might get it and how will I explain all the time off needed for IVF - how will I cope in a new job with all the stressors involved with IVF? It seems like this constant roller coaster.

    After this last ultra failed attempt - I honestly would just rather save up our money and go the donor route. But I'm not entirely sure my DH is on board. I've mentioned the donor option to him a couple of times months ago and he's been very hesitant and reluctant to talk about it. He's ok to keep trying with IVF even though it is stretching us somewhat financially - and then says 'well maybe we aren't supposed to have kids and we should just accept that'. This breaks my heart.

    I guess my question to you all is - was your Dp on board with the idea of overseas donors from the get go or did it take them a while to come around to the idea? And how did you handle it. I find it is constantly on my mind and I want to talk about it but at the same time I don't want to push him. It's making me really unhappy at the moment.
    Any advice would be appreciated.

    Em x

  2. #432
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    Hi Emski


    I had a friend who went the donor route before I did, it took me a long time to give up on myself and my own eggs, in the beginning I had real issues with egg donation, I couldnt imagine someone elses body parts in mine and was totally turned off, silly, I know! No thanks doc I would rather die than have that kidney transplant! DH wanted to have a child, he kept throwing around adoption and fostering, I had already looked into those options and knew that it would take years to become a parent through those routes so I ran the donor route by him. Whilst he didn't poo poo the idea, he wasn't really happy with it, so we researched the idea, the more I read and researched the more excited I, then we, became. He was worried more for my safety I think, than anything else. Africa, aids you get the idea.


    Its not fun being stuck in limbo land, but with your own eggs you have a 5% chance I think it is for those who are 40. With donor eggs you have a 70% chance.


    As for the money, you spend the usual amount as you would for IVF, the added cost is for the holiday. In retrospect I wish I had of gone the donor route sooner, the money I have spent not only on IVF, but everything else that goes with it, DHEA $70 a pop, acupuncture twice a week at $90 a pop, herbal medicines, vitamins, you name it I tried it and spent hundreds of dollars in the process, I could have paid for two trips to SA lol. You just need to weigh it all up I guess. I would suggest you do your research then get DP involved in what you have found, he will come around especially if he sees you so excited about this.


    Honestly, you know how petrified I am of getting pre eclampsia again but if this frostie cycle doesn't work, who knows I may change my mind and head over to do it all again. If I hadn't of gotten so sick, I would be booked in already lol.


    There isn't a day that goes by that I don't tell my son, and he is my son, my flesh and blood as far as I am concerned, how much I love him and how lucky we are to have him, it's the best feeling in the world and It is my wish that everyone can experience that.


    Good luck honey, we are here for you.


    JodiW. Xxx

  3. #433
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    Default South Africa - donor eggs

    Hello lovely ladies,

    Em i understand exactly where you are and how life can feel in limbo.... whilst doing cycle after cycle....

    I became very excited once i knew the chances were so high in SA compared to here - i am 40 and have a low ovarian reserve most cycles we only managed to get 1 egg some cyles we got none.............. DH was not so keen at first because he felt that i would be losing something should we go down the path of donor eggs plus it became very scary for him to even contemplate how we would start this procedure- I researched everything and collected the information, we sat down and had a chat about how much of a better chance we had going overseas and i showed him copies of emails of all the people who now have children - he is now on board ad we head over in Feb 2013

    who else is going over in Feb ? do you have flights bked yet?

    we will hopefuly have our treatment plan on monday so should be able to book flights - have managed to find an apartment on the same rd as CFC for 650 rand pn so pretty happy about that.

    hello to everyone else

    take care nicole

  4. #434
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    Hey Ems - welcome you have come to the best thread for info. AFM, my husband was all for it he was willing to undertake any donor process including donor embryo. I was the one who took some convincing. My ego was a bit shot at having to give up on 'my body' so to speak. That said I am now fully aware that this little Springbok is completely reliant upon that same body for everything and in the end genetics have nothing to do with what type of parent I will be, as far as I am concerned the baby is totally mine.

    Donor is like preconception adoption. Like others I undertook a lot of research and became very comfortable with the idea.

    If you registered with a few agencies and spoke to DH about the fact you can choose someone to best match your characteristics, he may come around. It is best to be open and tell him what it means for you to be parents.

    We have told everyone about the donor process, however that is a personal choice for you to determine. The response we have received has been so overwhelmingly positive, with everyone saying how precious and special this little one is, as we went half way around the world to make it happen.

    We too threw thousands on IVF and had the heartbreak of two miscarriages due to my eggs. I only wish I could have made the decision earlier.

    all the very best to you and DH. XX

  5. #435
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    Hi Ems - welcome! I know exactly what you mean by hoping the next cycle you might get that 'lucky egg'. After deciding to have another AMH test, which showed my levels had gone from reasonable to virtually undetectable in 2 years, we decided to give up on IVF and was shocked to find I fell pregnant naturally not long after, unfortunately it wasn't really viable from the start and I had a very early MC - but it was enough to start us back on the IVF path and hope for another 'spontaneous ovulation'. Another 3 cancelled cycles later with basically no follies we finally stopped and I now wish we hadn't wasted the time and added to the heartbreak. We also looked at fostering and adoption but the process is just too long and it was actually finding this forum thread that helped DH and I make the decision to got to SA. We started looking through donor profiles from a couple of agencies and together with the positive stories from the ladies here that was what brought him round.

    I can't remember where I read it but someone said it's like making a cake but we don't have all the ingredients so we have to borrow some, it doesn't mean after its been baked the cake isn't ours! Now that we have made the decision to go to SA the process of how we start our family isn't even a factor anymore and we are incredibly excited.

    Yes Nicole I'm also going in February. I should have my treatment plan next week but it looks like we will head off somewhere around the 12th (our donor is doing another cycle this week so we need to wait a couple of days to confirm a few things). Very excited and the countdown is on!!

  6. #436
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    Hi ladies it is good to hear some stories from some newbies. We are also in the process of probably doing to SA. My husband is open to it, I am a planner and like to have a plan B whereas he would rather we do another cycle and then see what happens. If we worked out what we have added to date and knew that my egg quality is also pretty poor then we might have looked to SA earlier. We have been in touch with De Le Roux and he has sent me some information on costs which has been good - we are looking to go with either nurture or the other main one. Depending on how next cycle goes we will prob look to go over late next year. I am 37 currently so still have some time.

    Biggest thing hubbie was worried about was whether clinic was good, whether it was a con and that sort of thing. Once he has seen the website and information etc he is on board. He wondered why it is so much cheaper but also comes down to the exchange rate.

    One thing I am still worried about is egg numbers and fertilisation results. CFC gave us average egg numbers of about 9 and as hubbie has crap sperm the fertilisation result still worries me. Last time from my 2 eggs we had zilch fertilisation although I have read that you can have better results from better quality eggs. is anyone else in the same boat with needing ISCI?

    Does anyone know when the cheapest time to fly to SA is? Have been looking at airlines and notice that most emirates flight go via singapore these days. Have friends flying to UK on royal brunei airlines which is heaps cheaper but unfort doesnt fly to SA.

    Have done the cals and reckon the cycle cost and donor cost will be around 7K based on current exchange rates. I am also trying to convince my BFF from brissie to also come to capetown and stellenbosch for a holiday with us at the same time.

  7. #437
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    Hi Midnite

    Yes we are also doing ICSI. DH has 2% morphology but count and motility are good so together with our 21 year old eggs they have told us it shouldn't be too much of an issue. You are correct in thinking if the eggs are good they will help correct any minor issues, that is specifically what we have been told. I currently have DH on a 100 day detox which was recommended to improve sperm quality before spending all this money as it apparently takes that long for sperm to regenerate. It will be an alcohol free NYE for him this year as its only 6 weeks out from our travel date - I expect the first stop after he sees the clinic in SA will be to wine country!!

  8. #438
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    Quote Originally Posted by midnite01 View Post

    One thing I am still worried about is egg numbers and fertilisation results. CFC gave us average egg numbers of about 9 and as hubbie has crap sperm the fertilisation result still worries me. Last time from my 2 eggs we had zilch fertilisation although I have read that you can have better results from better quality eggs. is anyone else in the same boat with needing ISCI?

    Does anyone know when the cheapest time to fly to SA is? Have been looking at airlines and notice that most emirates flight go via singapore these days. Have friends flying to UK on royal brunei airlines which is heaps cheaper but unfort doesnt fly to SA.

    Have done the cals and reckon the cycle cost and donor cost will be around 7K based on current exchange rates. I am also trying to convince my BFF from brissie to also come to capetown and stellenbosch for a holiday with us at the same time.
    Hi Midnite is your hubby taking his vitamins with extra zinc, it's a big help for sperm quality.

    cheapest time to fly is winter they have the same seasons as us. I flew qantas to JoBurg then onto Cape Town. Virgin used to fly to Cape Town via Singapore but when I was booking flights they had stopped doing that, who knows they may have started doing that trip again. 7k for the cycle is a good figure to aim for, you will probably find it much cheaper when you actually go but that's extra spending money for yourself

    Good luck everyone

  9. #439
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    We are also organising to be in SA Feb 13 Our doctor is Klaus Wiswedel. We haven't paid the deposit fee yet, as we are waiting for a confirmation email to say what the total bill is for Cape Fertility Clinic. We have selected our donor now she needs to go through the screening process.

    Is there anything else we need to be doing to prepare for our SA cycle?

    I feel a little bit scared by this But hoping this will give us our little bubba x

  10. #440
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    Hi everyone,

    thank you for your kind words and encouragement... DH and I will be having one more shot at IVF in Feb and will see what happens from there. I told him I want him to seriously have a think about the SA egg donor option as it may be our only hope. He came with me to my follow up FS appointment today and I asked my FS if she would be willing to support me with the writing of scripts and doing scans if we go down the SA route - which she was. He was fine during that discussion - as I said to her, it helps me to know that if IVF doesn't work for us that it's not the end of the line. She was asking me how much it costs etc. and seemed really interested in it all which was funny. She also agreed that the DE route in Aus can be heartbreaking.
    DP and I had a quick chat about it when we got home - about how it seemed reasonably price for such a high success rate etc. and he said... 'but it wouldn't be your egg' not in a negative way, but in a getting my head around this concept kind of way iykwim.

    So we'll see how we go - I'll keep reading along here! Airfares to SA seem very expensive (already planning ahead and looking at fares in July/Aug ) I'll be looking to get tips and hints from you all.

    Em x


 

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