I'm really desperate for some advice on how to handle the silent treatment, please help!
DH & I don't fight much, but when we do they are doozies and we can go for days without speaking. During the 'silent treatment' time he sleeps in another room and completely ignores me as though I don't exist. Not a single hello, goodbye, SMS, email or phone call.
After a fight, I'm always the one who has to wave the white flag and make peace. If I was in the wrong, I acknowledge it and apologise as soon as we've both simmered down. I much prefer to clear the air ASAP and get back to normal.
If he's the one in the wrong, he never makes any effort to patch things up. Generally I'll leave him be for a few days, then I get to the point where I just give up waiting for an apology and break the silence anyway. One time I dug my heels in and played his game, it took 11 days for him to start talking to me.
He knows how much I hate getting the silent treatment and after we make up, he says he won't do it 'next time'... but he always does. I'm all for giving each other space and time to think, but anything beyond 24-48hrs is unreasonable to me and quite frankly, I'm over it. Its like being married to an immature 4yr old.
This particular instance we are up to day 5 and I don't see it ending anytime soon. The fight began over something minor, but once he started yelling, he took it WAY too far. Usually by now I'd be fretting and missing him and just want us back to normal, but this time its different. It feels like something died inside me and I can't get those cruel words out of my head . Thank goodness we don't have kids who could've overhead that.
I was googling this afternoon out of curiosity and to my horror I see that this is considered a form of emotional abuse! Its a way for the abuser to have control, create isolation and get their partner to come begging and crawling to them. Apparantly the best way to deal with it is by reciprocating, ie/ give the silent treatment back, and go about your day as though nothing's bothering you.
Does anyone have any better suggestions? I'm a believer of 'two wrongs don't make a right' and I feel so childish playing his game. But then again, why should it always be me who has to put a stop to it? Why is he so incapable of saying he's sorry and trying to make amends??
Sorry for the long depressing post. I wouldn't normally write something like this on an open forum, but I feel like BH is my 2nd home and there's so many lovely hubbers with wonderful words of wisdom to share. I hope you don't mind sending some of your great advice my way.