If your DP were to exclusively parent your child/children...

[CluckySC]

would they get the same style of upbringing?

For example would your DP ensure they had good nutrition, ate lots of fruit and vegetables, drank enough water, avoided too much junk food.
Would your DP make sure they had a secure and supportive routine, got enough sleep, their developmental and emotional needs were met.
Would your DP consider the consequences of parenting choices - such as methods of discipline, schooling choices etc.
Would your DP be as aware of instilling concepts like morals and ethics, independent thinking, consequence of actions and decisions, focus etc?
Would your DP give them the same level of focus and attention as you do, listen to their questions, nurture them as much?

I'm curious because DH is an *awesome* Dad, he and DS adore eachother but I can quite honestly say the parenting is my rhelm that he has a support role in. We're both fine with this arrangement, and I am happily a SAHM who plans to homeschool our kids. DH loves the way I'm raising DS and plan to raise DS2, we discuss parenting a lot and he has imput in all choices (when he wants to, he generally just agrees with whatever I say), he plays with DS when he's home and takes good care of him but any of the practicalities of parenting are squarely mine. If I wasn't doing them I can say almost certainly that DS and belly bub (DS2) would have a *completely* different style of upbringing, even though DH adores the way I'm doing things he would not put the energy into doing things the same way if it were left up to him.

How about in your house? If left to their own devices entirely would your DP raise your kids the same way? Curious!

(Note: This thread is in no way intended to insult, put down, minimize the role of or anything else to fathers or partners. It's just out of interest how the parenting works in your family )

[breakthemould]

I could have typed your post word for word! In fact DH and I were having this exact discussion only a few weeks ago and he admitted that most of his views on parenting are what he has learned off me. He admits that our kids would have quite a different upbringing if he was in charge... Less focus on healthy food (I'm a bit of a control freak with nutrition for my DS!) and less routine, and different discipline. He is also a fantastic daddy but like your DP he doesn't wear the pants in our parenting partnership! I would be stuffed if we ever (touch wood) broke up as I would NOT cope with not being in charge of parenting!

[mummaof4]

god no..
he'd be stricter on foods - as in eat what your given at dinner time etc. im more flexible there.. he's also stricter in general.. it takes more to peeve me

i dont even think he knows where the girls classes at school are.. he's always at work early and home around dinner, if not later.

basically how we are is im kids and house & he brings home the money! i know its not what everyone likes anymore.. but it works for us.
if something happened to me i would really really hope that he took the help that our families would offer. scary thought

[FloatingFairy]

God no!

If we were to ever break up, I actualy think Id stay with him just so that I still had control because even as a part time parent, without me there to monitor, Id be concerned.


Don't get me wrong, DF is fantastic with DD and she just loves her daddy but (for a few examples of things I need to curb to suit my parenting style):

• He doesnt think that the words sh*t, bl00dy, p*ss, fr*ggen are swear words. I do to the extent that I dont want my children using them
• He has peviously mentioned in conversations we've had that it would not make any difference what the rating classification was on a show/movie - he'd let the kids watch it if they wanted
• He says FF instead of TH and he says tis morning / tis arvo instead of this morning/this arvo and as we teach our children to speak, I don't want them to speak like that
• He eats a bag of crisps a day most days, or at least a few bags a week. If I wasnt there to say anything, I know he'd feed them to the kids (I know there are some days he eats them with DD even though I've told him I dont want her eating them so often!)
• He smokes and has no issues in smoking when pushing the pram and if I wasnt around to say "wash your hands/change your shirt" etc like I do now, he wouldnt bother doing all those things
• If DD was to wake up in the night, depending on what he was doing, his idea of "best solution" is to let her sit up and watch TV with him (and I can tell you now, he wouldnt change it to one of her shows, it'd be whatever he was watching)
• They wouldnt eat fresh vegetables (unless he cooked a baked dinner but his idea of "baked vegies" is to fill the electric fry pan with an entire bottle of cooking oil and 'deep fry' them in there so they're nice and crispy (and full of oil!) )
• If he found out our teenage children were smoking pot, he'd let them do it at our place (and would probably bong on with them!)
• They would barely be disciplined for bad behaviour
• They would probably live in housing commission in areas nearby where he grew up, just because its cheap

Ahhh thats enough for now LOL
He's great at baby sitting during the day when Im at work but I do wonder about how they would be raised if he was solely incharge. Especially given how he was "raised"

Also, I do not claim to be the best parent out there, but I do do a lot of research and like to strive to be better at thigns I do as a role model and in the way I parent DD and it may seem nasty that I used the word baby sit, but thats what he calls it....*on phone to a friend* "Yeah sorry mate, Shans going out tonight so IM baby sitting DD..." the amount of times Id heard that before!

[CluckySC]

I'm a bit the same. If he did as I do I'd be fine if we broke up (parenting wise) but as it currently is I'd worry when our kids were with him An example was tonight when he opened the fridge and said "I'd really love some fruit if you cut it up for me" (in three years I don't think he has ever prepared DS a piece of fruit or packed snacks for when they were going out), and me having to remind him to drink *any* water
It's ok, I'm happy to be in charge of this part of our lives and he's happy to get to focus on work, but like your DH he admits he wouldn't do what I do, either because he wouldn't think to or because it would be too hard!

[FearlessLeader]

interesting question. I think i'm the more relaxed of the two of us in regards to how we parent, as i've worked in CC for a long time. So often DP will fret about something (newborn crying/not meeting milestones 'on time') because of something he's read/heard and thinks maybe we should do something differently, whereas i have seen the wide scope of what's 'normal' so don't stress so much about that stuff. OTOH, i am heaps more stressy about routine, like if DS isn't dressed and it's 8am i start fretting, even on the weekends when i'm not dressed
In terms of parenting 'styles' and general morals and ethics, we are completely on the same page.

[bumMum]

He would do things differently but he would still always be a good parent. He would probably swear more-hardly the end of the world. he would be harder on them than me- probably could actually be a GOOD thing. He would still be lazy like me and let them sleep in bed with him and watch too much telly! he would not cook as many vegies as me, as he doesn't like vegies much! But he would cook more proper home made stuff cos he likes cooking. I think the one thing which he would do completely differently in is that I can imagine he would be really bad at helping with homework.

[bumMum]

Also if dp was the full time parent I can guarantee the laundry would always be done properly. Clothes folded nicely and all. He calls my laundry folding style the scrunch and throw

[Zombie_eyes]

o_0 I don't think so.... With ds#2 probably, with ds#1 nook wayyyyyyy.

Dh has a hard time dealing with ds#1's autism related issues, It's a battle to get him to understand all the frustrating things with ds, is nit him being naughty he simply can't help most of it... I don't know if dh would be as strict with the therapies we go to for ds, all the work I do at home with ds wouldn't get done, I know this because the two times dh has been left with him while I've been is hospital, it just doesn't get done... I often worry if I die what would happen, I asked dh if I wrote up a contract regarding ds's special need care would he sign it and comply to it lololol he got angry at me!

[FloatingFairy]

Also if dp was the full time parent I can guarantee the laundry would always be done properly. Clothes folded nicely and all. He calls my laundry folding style the scrunch and throw

Actually I'll praise him on that - the housework would always get done.

If I didnt have DF around......we'd be one of those houses you see on the news hahahahhaa