Made to feel like I am wrong...

[flyawayfree]

For many reasons I have come to the conclusion that I do not want more children.

The few people I have told this to constantly make me feel like I am wrong for making this decision.

They like to point out that a sibling would somehow help DS' delays.
Or tell me that one day I'll meet the perfect man and want more kids.
Or that it is wrong to deprive DS of siblings.

I am comfortable with my decision. So why do people do this?

[remembertobreathe]

I guess they're just trying to cheer you up, because when they rationalise your decision in their own mind, they wouldn't be happy so they offer words of encouragement. It's like men who say they don't want to get married, and people laugh it off and say "Oh you just haven't met the right girl". I find it rude sometimes, especially when you really feel that way and they've dismissed your feelings to offer you.. what? Lol. I don't see the point in arguing with them to be honest. If that's your decision then that's your decision, do right by you and screw the rest of them!

DS is 13 months and I say I don't want any more, but I probably will.. and I guess that's why they offer what they do, because things can always change?

Ah well, like I said, screw em

[shelle65]

I get this too, although now I've hit my thirties I get more sympathetic "oh well, at least you have DD" comments

People do it because they want you to validate their own choices by choosing to do the same as them. It's similar to how a single person is more likely to encourage you to dump your boyfriend, and a partnered person is more likely to encourage you to stick it out and forgive him.

I find that changing the subject and talking about other things I want to do in the future that don't involve young kids (volunteer work, travel, starting a business etc etc) gets the message across that I'm not particularly interested in what they think I want...

[Ra Ra Superstar]

I get this too, although now I've hit my thirties I get more sympathetic "oh well, at least you have DD" comments

People do it because they want you to validate their own choices by choosing to do the same as them. It's similar to how a single person is more likely to encourage you to dump your boyfriend, and a partnered person is more likely to encourage you to stick it out and forgive him.

I find that changing the subject and talking about other things I want to do in the future that don't involve young kids (volunteer work, travel, starting a business etc etc) gets the message across that I'm not particularly interested in what they think I want...

Agree with all of this.

When I tell people that I'm happy with one I always get the comments "famous last words" or "you will change your mind". I WONT!

I'm unsure as to why there is such an expectation to have more than one child but I try to ignore it. I think of all the wonderful things I will be able to provide for DS that I couldn't provide for him if I was to have more than one child. For me that includes private schooling, holidays, outings etc etc

[Happy2be3]

Agree with all of this.

When I tell people that I'm happy with one I always get the comments "famous last words" or "you will change your mind". I WONT!

I'm unsure as to why there is such an expectation to have more than one child but I try to ignore it. I think of all the wonderful things I will be able to provide for DS that I couldn't provide for him if I was to have more than one child. For me that includes private schooling, holidays, outings etc etc

Lol I get "oh well, plenty of time to change your mind yet"... Im, im 31 years old and no offense to older mums but I do NOT want to be having children mid or late 30's! I just tell them I won't change my mind, and that I had a hard enough time at 26 let alone 30 odd!

***Happy to be a Mummy & Daddy of ONE! :-) ***

[ThomasMum]

You just need to be strong. Ignore the comments, esp the useless ones

We have not changed our mind even though the critics are getting harder LOL e.g oh he's so beautiful why don't you have another one; and most stupid one would be: oh you guys are well off you should have few more, and the list goes on

But no, we are happy with our choice, DS is the most loving caring child ever. So I agree with PP, screw them!

PS. DS will be 8 next year.

[Stretched]

I think some people are just wrapped up in their own idea of 'ideal' they don't consider that we are all different. I get the same as ThomasMum ' - 'she's so lovely - you should have 6 of them' one person I know comes out with routinely. After 16 months of trying and two losses (which she doesn't know about) and having just turned 37 my response is just to smile and nod while screaming/crying inside.

As a teacher, there is no way I would be recommending siblings to help with a child's delay. With one child you can devote so much time and attention to supporting the development of your child.

[waterlily]

I feel/felt the exact se way, I am happy for it to just be the 3 of us forever. I love DD more then anything and I'm happy to spoil and love only her, things are great, easy. I'm very happy. But.... DD has started to tell me how lonely she is (have no other kids in the family and don't really have any friends with kids) we do go to play group and do lots of activities but she still constantly tells us she is Sad and lonely. She has started to say she would like a sibling. It really broke our hearts and have decided to have one more....

I'm happy with just her but I also know ill love #2 when it comes.....

But had DD been happy and content with it just being her I don't think we would ever go back for another.