OK so I have been debating in my own head wether to write this thread or not as its so personal... but I do REALLY need help!
Back in June 2009 I was 8 months with my now 2yr old daughter and we (my ex and I) had another daughter my now 3.5yr old. He also had 2 daughters from his previous relationship. So all up he had 4 beautiful daughters who needed thier daddy.. But after having a massive argument I left to stay at my mums house with my DD and get some rest and to stress less.
11.30 the next morning the police came to my mums door to inform me that my partner had taken his own life the night before. And he left a note. Apart from feeling like I had been booted so hard in the stomach and being beyond belife and confusion I read this note and he said "I do this to give you, meika and bubby a better life" <------- I wish he understood his girls need HIM in thier lives!? I was devistated and beside myself for a long time.. But could not seem to cry about it? I felt cold and we has such a toxic realtionship that I cried so many tears while he was alive I could not bring myself to cry when he had gone. I was in denial to for a while until I had to identify his body.. Now THAT was and is an image that will live with me forever! Seeing him like that was awful.. But on the other hand he looked so happy, happier than he ever had alive.
Anyways really what I want to know is has anyone else lost thier partner or childs father or mother to suicide?
Its a different ball game to loosing them to natural causes or a freak accident but to have them take thier OWN life is soooo different.
I am left with so many unanswered questions and Im dreading my girls growing up. They are going to have even more questions than I do! I am worried they will blame me, or themselves.. Especially Aaliyah as she is going to wonder why her dad could not live long enough to meet her.
Im all tears now but need to know im not alone!
Sent from my iPhone