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  1. #71
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    Oh and sorry but to answer your question I stopped getting smacked at about 10 or 11 as my parents learnt there were other ways to punish me like taking stuff away from me, not letting me watch tv or go to the park or whatever as she knew this would hurt me more in the sense that I loved doing these things. I agree with the way my mum did it

  2. #72
    DanceInTheRain's Avatar
    DanceInTheRain is offline Life is not about waiting for the storm to pass...
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    See I don't get how smacking 'teaches them a good lesson'. IMO It's not good and it's not a lesson.

    My son is only 14 months but the thought of smacking him has honestly never crossed my mind and I sincerely hope that *I* never lose control enough to smack.

    So OP I agree with a pp, if you never start you'll never have to know when to stop.

    And yes I was smacked as a child and grew up in a household with domestic violence (not towards me apart from smacking). Even being smacked myself, I do not classify smacking as abuse BUT I do feel it's completely unnecessary.

  3. #73
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    Quote Originally Posted by DanceInTheRain View Post
    See I don't get how smacking 'teaches them a good lesson'. IMO It's not good and it's not a lesson.
    A smack on the bum is supposed to be an unwanted shock to the child (not inflict pain) - therefore the child learns not to do it again. It's pretty simple really.

    As I said earlier, it worked for me! And my my husband I might add... he also got smacked on the bum a few times as a child and he is now a beautiful, gentle adult - again, with no anger or resentment issues.

    We both have fantastic relationships with our parents.

  4. #74
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    Quote Originally Posted by singa06 View Post
    Here is something I can't get my head around:

    *My niece #1 (4 in Feb): She is never hit by mum and dad, they use talking, naughty corner etc. Anyway, when she gets angry or frustrated at my DS (2) she screams, yells and hits/slaps him (quite violent and hard). We cant leave them alone together, has been this way for many months.

    *My niece #2 (4 in Sep): IS Hit by her parents. However, when she is angry or frustrated with my DS, she will cry, get upset, winge, but NEVER hits him. I can leave them to play with not problems.

    GO figure!
    Just musing on this, as obviously no one can answer why this is the case, it could be just personality.

    But a thought that crossed my mind, is that perhaps niece #1 feels more secure and safe, so she feels as though she can let loose with her emotions, although in an inappropriate manner (it does take time to learn appropriate ways to manage anger/frustration after all, some adults still struggle), without fear of being hit.

    While niece #2 perhaps holds back her emotions in a potentially harmful way (we all know bottling your emotions is bad), because she fears the repercussions of being hit.

    As I said, just musing out loud

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  6. #75
    DaughteroftheForest's Avatar
    DaughteroftheForest is offline Sometimes you have to forget what you want in order to remember what you deserve
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    Quote Originally Posted by FutureMa View Post
    I honestly don't know how all of you people can think a smack on the bum is "harming a child" or can be classified as "assault". I find that absolutely laughable.

    I was smacked on the bum by my Mum as a child when I misbehaved and I was also given a good hiding by grandfather at one point. I don't have any anger or resentment issues and have never hit another person (or have ever had the urge to). In fact, I am an extremely well adjusted adult. I think a smack on the bum teaches a good lesson when used appropriately. After a few smacks, Mum only had to start counting to 3 before I would stop doing whatever naughty thing I was doing.

    I WILL be smacking my child on the bum if needed. I think a smack on the bum (for children under the age of 10 and older than 3) is totally fine.
    I can't understand why it isn't classified as assualt. I've been assualted by two of my ex partners, both times because I was doing something they didn't want me to. Neither of them left permanent marks and that does not excuse their behaviour. It didn't teach me anything other than to fear that particular person, and I am an adult who can process and work through my feelings in a far more compos way.

    Next week I will be taking in my SIL, who is leaving home because her mum decided that a slap across the face was an appropriate way to express her displeasure at her child. I've just spoken to the police who have said that SIL has every right to go in and report her mother for abuse.

    So, is it only abuse if the child is old enough to report it now?

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  8. #76
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    Quote Originally Posted by DaughteroftheForest View Post
    I can't understand why it isn't classified as assualt. I've been assualted by two of my ex partners, both times because I was doing something they didn't want me to. Neither of them left permanent marks and that does not excuse their behaviour. It didn't teach me anything other than to fear that particular person, and I am an adult who can process and work through my feelings in a far more compos way.

    Next week I will be taking in my SIL, who is leaving home because her mum decided that a slap across the face was an appropriate way to express her displeasure at her child. I've just spoken to the police who have said that SIL has every right to go in and report her mother for abuse.

    So, is it only abuse if the child is old enough to report it now?
    Slapping a teenage girl across the face and smacking a 5 year old on the bum are two very different things. I'm not really sure how people cannot see the total difference between the two?? I'm not even going to waste my time writing what the differences are because I think they are pretty obvious.

    I think the ones who do abuse their children have ruined it for the rest of us who believe the occasional smack on the bum is acceptable. A smack on the bum should not be out of anger and it shouldn't inflict pain - it should just shock the child.

    This is an endless debate which I am going to step out of now. Each to their own.

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    Lots of people use a slap on the face under the guise of 'shocking' someone or 'snapping them out of it'.

    I do agree, the two are different. A smack on the bottom, if not done to hurt them to cause them to change behaviour, it's done to humiliate them If not intentionally, that's what is often the result.

    I see a lot of parents say they give their kids a "quick 'tap' on the back of the legs". My ex partner used to slap me on the back of the legs and it really stings. It's a horrible sensation actually.

    I don't agree re shock, if people to shock a child they could do it without touching them.

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  11. #78
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    People obviously have very different views on what is acceptable and what is not, and that is half the problem. It's not just about age either, some people think a light tap,some think an open handed smack and some think a wooden spoon. The problem is that one quite often leads to the next, many cases of child abuse began as 'little slaps' and escalated into child abuse, do abusers realise they are abusive or do they feel justified? I 've worked with children who have suffered horrific injuries from parents who 'loved them' and were just 'disciplining them', that's not to say all parents who smack their children will get to that point but I think very few of those abusive parents thought they would do that to their children either.

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    Going off-topic, but has anyone read Alfie Kohn's 'Unconditional Parenting". Incredibly well researched book detailing the harmful effects of physical punishments as well as more seemingly harmless punishments such as time-outs, etc and what to do instead. Highly recommend

  13. The Following 6 Users Say Thank You to wrena For This Useful Post:

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  14. #80
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    Quote Originally Posted by wrena View Post
    Going off-topic, but has anyone read Alfie Kohn's 'Unconditional Parenting". Incredibly well researched book detailing the harmful effects of physical punishments as well as more seemingly harmless punishments such as time-outs, etc and what to do instead. Highly recommend
    I haven't read that but I have read an article he did about not creating 'praise junkies' - Five reasons to stop saying good job. Definitely food for thought, I do try to make praise meaningful and not just the tokenistic good job, or good painting etc


 

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