9yo ADHD son being voted by classmates to not play at lunchtime..

[KatiesMum]

thanks all - but can we please keep this thread to support the OP.

[KatiesMum]

The issue is whether or not such a treatment of THIS child is appropriate, and what actions the OP should take with regard to the school. Not whether or not he has a learning disability.

If you wish to educate people or debate what is or isnt a disability, or the appropriate behaviour for such .... feel free to start a new thread.

Thanks

[Cinderella82]

I know what you're saying, nowhere.... often children with ADD are just seen as 'naughty' kids & there can be a real lack of understanding about the fact that children with ADD often have little or no control over their actions, & they really need support. I have taught children with ADD and ASD, and they have all needed understanding, support, and grace. I had a parent of another child tell me that a child in my class with ADD was just naughty & a product of poor parenting, & that she didn't want this child around her son, & she demanded he be expelled or she would take it further. It took a lot of time with me & the principal educting her for her to understand this child's needs (&that we cannot expel a child for having ADD!), & she was really nasty to the ADD child's mum & to me. I guess that's where.the teacher really needs to stand up for the child, and advocate on their behalf, and I'm sorry op that it seems this has not happened for you.

[pinktasha]

Hi everyone,
Sorry for not replying earlier me and my 8 month old have been sick the last few days and I haven't had the energy to do anything!

Again thank you to every one for your kind words, and I understand everyone has different thoughts on ADHD and everyone is entitled to their own opinion,

Anyway, hubby spoke to my sons teacher on Tuesday afternoon, I told him to talk to her, only because I can get a bit overly emotional sometimes lol,

Basically he asked her what was going on and why she though this punishment was a good idea, she told him that apart from the punching incident ds had been having some trouble at lunch time with his anger, and he was yelling at other students and getting angry slot more than usual, and that the ap had thought that doing this would be a way to get him to behave better in order to be able to play at lunch time. Hubby told her, firstly, if he has been having problems we should be the first to know, there has been no communication with us therefore how are we supposed to help them or reprimand him for his behavior, of course he doesn't tell us when he comes home what happens. and secondly how did she not see that what was being done was a form of exclusion and group bullying by letting the children decide on whether he can play or not, he told her we are happy that if she sees fit to exclude him from lunch it is fine, but what they had been doing is totally wrong, and that luckily our ds is ok as any other child could be easily traumatized by this, she told him that as of Tuesday the voting was no longer taking place, and she has now started a journal that she sends home each day with notes on his behavior, she did apologize for what had happened, he told her that we understand that he can be a handful to deal with but that we thought she understood better and would have thought that this type of punishment was wrong.

I'm currently trying to write up a formal letter of complaint to give to the school asking them to apologize to my son and basically just letting them know how unhappy we are with this whole situation, I haven't seen his teacher this week but will be seeing her tomorrow to talk to her as well. I don't agree that she should be fired or anything, she has been a great help with our son over the years but i am very disappointed with her over this situation.

Sorry for the long post, and I'm sure I've left some stuff out, but I'm just so tired lol, i will post back again once I hear anything else,

But I just wanted to thank everyone again for your support and understanding,

[Nowhere]

Hi everyone,
Sorry for not replying earlier me and my 8 month old have been sick the last few days and I haven't had the energy to do anything!

Again thank you to every one for your kind words, and I understand everyone has different thoughts on ADHD and everyone is entitled to their own opinion,

Anyway, hubby spoke to my sons teacher on Tuesday afternoon, I told him to talk to her, only because I can get a bit overly emotional sometimes lol,

Basically he asked her what was going on and why she though this punishment was a good idea, she told him that apart from the punching incident ds had been having some trouble at lunch time with his anger, and he was yelling at other students and getting angry slot more than usual, and that the ap had thought that doing this would be a way to get him to behave better in order to be able to play at lunch time. Hubby told her, firstly, if he has been having problems we should be the first to know, there has been no communication with us therefore how are we supposed to help them or reprimand him for his behavior, of course he doesn't tell us when he comes home what happens. and secondly how did she not see that what was being done was a form of exclusion and group bullying by letting the children decide on whether he can play or not, he told her we are happy that if she sees fit to exclude him from lunch it is fine, but what they had been doing is totally wrong, and that luckily our ds is ok as any other child could be easily traumatized by this, she told him that as of Tuesday the voting was no longer taking place, and she has now started a journal that she sends home each day with notes on his behavior, she did apologize for what had happened, he told her that we understand that he can be a handful to deal with but that we thought she understood better and would have thought that this type of punishment was wrong.

I'm currently trying to write up a formal letter of complaint to give to the school asking them to apologize to my son and basically just letting them know how unhappy we are with this whole situation, I haven't seen his teacher this week but will be seeing her tomorrow to talk to her as well. I don't agree that she should be fired or anything, she has been a great help with our son over the years but i am very disappointed with her over this situation.

Sorry for the long post, and I'm sure I've left some stuff out, but I'm just so tired lol, i will post back again once I hear anything else,

But I just wanted to thank everyone again for your support and understanding,

Massive hugs babe, Im glad your DH spoke to the school I hope its all resloved and fast.

Im so sorry your son had to deal with such cr*p xxxx

[Cinderella82]

I'm glad to hear your DH spoke to the school, good on you for being so level-headed about the situation (it's always better than going in yelling & demanding!) & it sounds like you have been really wise and mature about it. I really hope you get the resolution you want & your complaint is dealt with properly so it doesn't happen again to you or anyone else. I hope u feel better soon!

[FloatingFairy]

Hopefully now they can work with you in order to help teach your son when his behaviour is inappropriate rather than just condone further inappropriate behaviours by his peers.

[xkwzit]

Several offtopic posts have been deleted. Having an argument about where ADHD sits in medical diagnosis is just creating white noise which is not directly helpful to the OP as she manages the position her child has been put into. Wider discussion of ADHD probably does deserve a thread of it's own.

Pinktasha, I'm glad you have spoken with them and your are totally right in insisting that you are the first point of contact when such drastic "punishment" is decided. I think formalising your complaint in a letter is also an excellent idea. Surely there are better ways to deal and hopefully everyone will learn something.

Cheers