Barneybear - I am in Tieri, so North of Emerald one hour
Barneybear - I am in Tieri, so North of Emerald one hour
My hubby & I are childfree, but not by choice.
9 years of marriage, and I went off of the pill as soon as we got married,
IVF with 2 early miscarriages. We always said that when our hearts and heads agreed we could go no further with IVF that's when we'd stop, and that's exactly what happened.
So is there a happy life after accepting that you will be childfree?? For us, yes there is. We both looked at what we have, not what we don't have. We have a happy marriage, 3 dogs (sssh don't tell the council cos we should only have 2). When we ended the IVF train, we booked a trip to Europe ands had a good holiday. Other people we know are in relationships with kids, but they are only together for the children and aren't happy.
We focus on what we have, a happy marriage with great friends and nieces\nephews we can spoil, not what we don't have. We have more than other people who are lonely cos they have nobody.
If anybody asks if we have kids, we just tell them we weren't blessed with them. If they ask further, then we tell them the truth.
Last edited by jesmon; 06-11-2011 at 21:07.
I think it is true that even with children, life does not always turn out the way you expected. I used to work in child care and I saw lots of kids with global delay and autism and my husbands sister had a boy who died of muscular dystrophy at 18 years of age- so tragic. So people assume that they will end up with a healthy child, and I know it can be tough with one with a disability. I also look at my sister and her husband when I go to their place, and it is like all they do is argue about who is doing more with the kids and they palm them off to eachother all the time- there seems so much simmering resentment. One of my friends always tells me that her brother, who has two kids, is always telling her- in all seriousness- whatever you do, don't have kids, they ruin your life. I think for some people, the myth never matches the reality and that is why they say such things that I could never imagine.
What I find hard to go through at the moment is the 'baby crazy' phase that women go through around me when they find out they are pg. I only stopped IVF a year ago. And it inevitabley means that they expect me to share in their experience, which I most certainly don't want to. I struggle with how tactless people are about why we don't have kids. Often because I used to work in child care I get: 'Turned you off having kids, eh?' I don't need to reiterate how tactless and condescending this is. What I find the hardest, is the sheer social isolation of it all. I acknowledge how hard it would be to live in the country, but living in the inner west of a major city like Sydney, which has one if the highest birth rates in Sydney, has been really difficult. Everyone around me either is falling pg or has kids, and they do their thing with their kids, which involves kids parties on the weekends, etc. So a whole group of friends just falls away. I made a conscious choice to go to university and not pursue permanent care or donor embryos. In all honesty, I am really glad I am around teenagers who have no desire to have or talk about children. I never would have gone to University if I had kids, nor would we be able to travel wherever we wanted. There is much more freedom to our lives than everyone else we know with kids. Even if it is heartbreaking at the moment. The irony is that we can go and travel to comfort ourselves in our heartbreak!
But I do feel for me at the moment there is a stigma from society attached to being childless, and a sense of social isolation. That is primarily why I am using this forum.
always learning (24-11-2011)
Yes I am very sad about it.I have had four relationships in a row all starting out OK and then ending so now I am without kids. It is sad some days to rise above it. Just being kind to yourself is the best bet.
Can people with children refrain from posting here! It maybe well intentioned however there is only one area for CNBC and heaps of areas for those with children. thanks
Hi guys, just wanted to find out how everyone copes with ppl around them having kids and falling pregnant. My husband and I have been together for 11 yrs and still no children and I am getting sick and tired of everyone asking us when are you having kids or why dont you have children yet. As I am nearly 30 I am constantley getting told that my time is running out dont ppl think that I would have a child if I could!!!
Jackie, sorry if this thread is upsetting you just wanted to mention it seems to have been moved to ttc section.
Hey there. Just reading through this thread and thought I would post. My DH is 42 and I'm 34 and no kids. We have only been married 2 and half years though. We always sort of thought we wouldn't have kids but we gave it a try but lost the baby at 9 weeks. We aren't sure whether anything will happen for us with having kids but we decided together before trying that we would accept it if we can't and we wouldn't try ivf etc. just a personal decision. But the biggest part was deciding before trying that we would just be happy with our relationship and enjoy each other, with or without kids. We have nieces/nephews that we can spoil and we choose to think about all that we have not what we don't. (someone else said that too!). I have friends who are quite a bit older, married 20 something years and found they couldn't have kids early on. They just said okay, that's the plan for us, and they have a wonderful marriage. I also don't think it's anyone business to ask. It's a personal decision etc. but in saying that I don't think it makes things any easier! I constsntly get asked when we're having kids!! I reply sometimes it's personal, and sometimes flip the question back to them and ask personal questions to make them uncomfortable (I don't do this to my close friends).
It might make more sense to also add to my post that I am a little reproductively challenged too.
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