Help needed from wise parents (separation anxiety)

[Girl X]

DD is 13mths, and her separation anxiety has been steadily increasing to what is now the worst that it has been.

She used to be the most easygoing happy-go-lucky kid, but now she is only happy with me, DH, or my parents (the people she sees the most).

I take her to playgroup and any time I am out of her sight/ go to the toilet, etc. she cries her eyes out until I come back. It's got to the point where I feel bad if I need to do anything, as I always return to find a distraught baby being comforted by another mum.

From what I've read, separation anxiety peaks at around this age, but the thing is that none of the other children her age at playgroup do it! All the other mums are able to go to the toilet, do stuff inside (while the kids play outside), etc.

I don't think I've done anything particular to make her that way. We still go out places, and she spends one day a week (at least) with her grandparents. I take her to lots of activities where she plays with other children, and up until recently she has been very independent and happy to go off without me.

So... to those in the know... Is there anything I can do to help her?

If I have to leave her (e.g., to go to the toilet at playgroup) then I come back as quickly as I can and cuddle her/ reassure her. I try to stay matter of fact with her, and distract her - e.g., pointing out things to play with, etc.

And for those who have been there... how long will it last? Probably a dumb question.

She's fine at home, but it's more when we're out and she's obviously feeling a little less secure.

Thanks.

[Girl X]

bump!

[missie_mack]

She is still quite little, at this age it is natural and a primal urge.
As for how long it lasts. My understanding is that this kind of thing reduces at around 2 but how long it can last varies from child to child.

[MummyNanny]

I know how hard /draining it can be to have a little one like this, DS was the same for about 6-8 months (started when he was 8-9 months from memory)

Everyone will have different advice so I'll share what worked for us
I gave in to it, big time! He pretty much came everywhere with me during this time, and I waited for him to feel secure enough to leave me iykwim. Luckily I'm a SAHM so we didn't have any child care issues. It was a hard time to get through but when he did pass this stage, we got our confident little chap back . When he turned 3 he started 3 yr old kinder and left us for the first time, with a massive smile on his face (and me a wee bit teary )

[Girl X]

Thanks missie-mack. I'm just confused as to why none of the other children her age seem to be going through it! It makes me wonder if there is something I can do to help her, or if it really is just random...

[Girl X]

I know how hard /draining it can be to have a little one like this, DS was the same for about 6-8 months (started when he was 8-9 months from memory)

Everyone will have different advice so I'll share what worked for us
I gave in to it, big time! He pretty much came everywhere with me during this time, and I waited for him to feel secure enough to leave me iykwim. Luckily I'm a SAHM so we didn't have any child care issues. It was a hard time to get through but when he did pass this stage, we got our confident little chap back . When he turned 3 he started 3 yr old kinder and left us for the first time, with a massive smile on his face (and me a wee bit teary )

Thanks

I'm a SAHM too, so that does help, and she's always happy to be left with my parents if needed.

I nearly ended up crying too at playgroup the other day! I was trying to pay for some things, go to the toilet, help pack up, etc., and every time I tried to do anything she burst into tears.

I hope she does get her confidence back soon...

[missie_mack]

Everyone will have different advice so I'll share what worked for us
I gave in to it, big time! He pretty much came everywhere with me during this time, and I waited for him to feel secure enough to leave me iykwim. Luckily I'm a SAHM so we didn't have any child care issues. It was a hard time to get through but when he did pass this stage, we got our confident little chap back . When he turned 3 he started 3 yr old kinder and left us for the first time, with a massive smile on his face (and me a wee bit teary )

I agree! Girl X don't worry about something being wrong with her. They all start at different ages. My DS was ultra confident at this age but terrible by the time he got to 2

[trishalishous]

Ive found that vocalising helps (which is something I do anyways, haha I never shut up)
"ok Darling, mummys going to the loo, going to do a wee, back in a minute"
"Now Ill go and wash my hands, be right back"
I ALWAYS say goodbye and wave when shes away from me. Ive found that DH has more luck leaving her than I do (he takes her to day care, on the 10 days a year she goes)
DD is nearly 15 months, and Ive found that the anxiety has gotten heaps better (though she still hates the gym creche) and she now tells me "mumma go weeeeeeees" (she always says 'weeeeeeeeees' like that haha) "wash wash. wash hands mumma' and 'ME! bubba wash" cos she likes to wash her hands too

[little_fish]

Both my kids were very very clingy. I just held them until they were over the phase (I'd never expect to go to the toilet by myself for a while there), and at times beat my head against a wall because of the exhausting frustration of it. My second is just coming out of it now at around 2 and a bit. Telling them where you are going etc. and when you'll be back as per pp seems to help a bit sometimes. Just be consistant. They all grow out of it... eventually.

Oh and I always thought if my kids were doing it before the other kids, my kids must just be extra smart... may not be true, but certainly seemed like a positive spin to put on a difficult situation