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  1. #31
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    Quote Originally Posted by delirium View Post
    granted it was a number of years ago, but my SF was a serial offender for not paying his CS. He would get letters from CSA, agree to start paying but never did. He never lodged a tax return for about a decade. On top of that, bc she was getting CS on paper, CL was docking her pay each fortnight, but then he wasn't paying and it would take a while for CL to fix it. So she would be actually out of pocket most fortnights. She begged for about 3 years before they finally ganished his wages, and once that happened he threw his job in and did cash work.

    So when they won't lodge a tax return, they have no pay to ganish from, or they lie about what they are earning, often very little is done.



    While I agree in most circumstances it's a father's right to see his child, and that it IS damaging to the child to not see their father, I can't believe you could be serious. CSA isn't the authority on whether a father is a sexual/DV perpetrator and they have no right based on that to give out details. I have had lots of experience with male perpetrators of violence both personally and professionally and they are fantastic at moderating their behaviour and acting the victim to get what they want, they are manipulators. CSA is business trained, they are basically just the financial middle man. The are not social workers or psychologists and not qualified nor have the correct information to be making a call like that.
    Well you would have to depend on the other parent to prove in a court of law that abuse has taken place. Maybe just having a social worker, that the family knows, come over and take the child to the visits kinda like the CSA takes the money out of accounts seems fair to me. CSA also isnt a governmental agency is it? How can they just get into a bank account and take money?

    Quote Originally Posted by DaddyLarge View Post
    Oh, no question. The fatal flaw in the CSA system is that it depends on income being reported SOMEWHERE. I certainly don't suggest that everything is all peachy from the other end - far from it.

    But when it comes to enforcement, there IS a disparity here. On one hand, it is funded by the agency and evading it means facing actual prosecution. On the other, enforcement must be self-funded and has essentially no practical deterrent.
    Last edited by Lovemyfam; 12-10-2011 at 16:44.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Lovemyfam View Post
    Well you would have to depend on the other parent to prove in a court of law that abuse has taken place. Maybe just having a social worker, that the family knows, come over and take the child to the visits kinda like the CSA takes the money out of accounts seems fair to me. CSA also isnt a governmental agency is it? How can they just get into a bank account and take money?



    CSA is a govt agency. But they deal with child support, not custody cases, intervention orders etc. There is no reason for them to have that info, it isn't pertinent to the collection of CS. The Family Court exists for custody and visitation cases.

    Don't get me wrong, I believe unless there are issues of violence, drug use etc etc the non custodial parent has a right to have contact with their child. A custodial parent that refuses contact based on nothing but viciousness and isn't open to mediation should be taken to court. All I'm saying is that giving CSA the ability to give men their ex's addresses opens up a minefield in relation to safety issues.

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  4. #33
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    I have only seen 1 person on this forum say that they were with holding visitation because they didnt like the father. The rest have said that they wish their children had a good father. Why would you with hold visitation unless you had reason to fear for your childs safety? I have my DS 100% of the time and its bloody hard! He is extremely active and I do not get a break. I had a dentist appointment today and he had to come too and sit in his pram as I have no one to rely on. I wish my son had a decent father as it would make my life so much easier.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Lovemyfam View Post
    Well you would have to depend on the other parent to prove in a court of law that abuse has taken place. Maybe just having a social worker, that the family knows, come over and take the child to the visits kinda like the CSA takes the money out of accounts seems fair to me. CSA also isnt a governmental agency is it? How can they just get into a bank account and take money?


    You do have to prove abuse in court. I will be having my day in court in the near future and the onus is on me to prove FOB is an unfit father. Its not easy to prove DV either as its something that usually happens in private and you are usually too ashamed to admit it. I have records of DV and abuse for me that go back 2 1/2 years and DS for almost 2 years and it still may not be enough to cause supervised visits.

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    Why? Spite, revenge, jealousy, control, etc.

    It happens, and it isn't exactly rare. Generally, those perpetrating it aren't likely to admit it.

    I've seen posts from the partners of non-custodial parents on this forum at least a few times that mention the issue. When it does happen, it is incredibly expensive and often futile to pursue.

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    Quote Originally Posted by DaddyLarge View Post
    Why? Spite, revenge, jealousy, control, etc.

    It happens, and it isn't exactly rare. Generally, those perpetrating it aren't likely to admit it.

    I've seen posts from the partners of non-custodial parents on this forum at least a few times that mention the issue. When it does happen, it is incredibly expensive and often futile to pursue.
    I'm sorry but I dont look at threads usually that are written by partners of non-custodial parents. I know in my exs new gfs eyes, I am a b*tch who stole her partners son from a perfect father. What she doesnt know is the abuse towards both me and DS.

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    Quote Originally Posted by BRBgoneinsane View Post
    I'm sorry but I dont look at threads usually that are written by partners of non-custodial parents. I know in my exs new gfs eyes, I am a b*tch who stole her partners son from a perfect father. What she doesnt know is the abuse towards both me and DS.
    thign is theres three side to every story- his, hers and the truth!
    Of course dad wouldnt tell his latest partner thta he abused his ex/was a crap father/had 20 affairs... he wants to paint a pretty picture of himself and that meansmakign his ex, who may very well be a victim, into a 'wicked bitter jealous' ex.

  9. #38
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    Quote Originally Posted by BRBgoneinsane View Post
    I'm sorry but I dont look at threads usually that are written by partners of non-custodial parents. I know in my exs new gfs eyes, I am a b*tch who stole her partners son from a perfect father. What she doesnt know is the abuse towards both me and DS.
    That's kind of the point, though, isn't it?

    The nature of humans dictates that at least some of the stories on here about supposedly horrible mothers and fathers range from the slightly embellished to the completely untrue. People tend to relay their experiences in a way that conceals their own failings and amplifies those of others - particularly in a venue where the ability to verify the details are almost non-existent and the story is likely to elicit massive sympathy and support.

    Just because you've only seen one story of a parent stopping their child from enjoying a relationship with the other parent doesn't necessarily mean that it only happened once.

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    Quote Originally Posted by DaddyLarge View Post
    Oh, no question. The fatal flaw in the CSA system is that it depends on income being reported SOMEWHERE. I certainly don't suggest that everything is all peachy from the other end - far from it.

    But when it comes to enforcement, there IS a disparity here. On one hand, it is funded by the agency and evading it means facing actual prosecution. On the other, enforcement must be self-funded and has essentially no practical deterrent.
    I disagree with this. My struggles with child support date back years and years and I was actually told by CSA I'd be better off taking XDP to court because they find him too difficult to keep up with and deal with. If people don't want to pay child support, they seem pretty quick to get away with it. I'm certain that my son's father and his partner earn more than my DP and I just going by the amount of concerts they attend, holidays they go on and cars they buy - yet I get a grand total of $0 in child support. I don't care, in fact, lately I'm happy to get nothing because it means he can no longer hold it over me.

    I hate that CSA is thought of as being related to visitation. It makes me cringe. I know many (what I consider) 'bad' parents who have their children for 50% of the time purely to get out of paying child support. The two should not even be correlated. Both parents should be paying a substantial amount of their child's costs so the child doesn't miss out.

    I'm fairly sure when you go through the court system and draw up a parenting plan, there are actually consequences for the parent who breaches that plan.

    It's often difficult on everybody - in my experience (first hand ) trying to receive a fair and reasonable amount of child support is like getting blood from a stone. Trying to get the father to have a proper relationship with my son is like dealing with a defiant toddler. Trying to get him to show up on the right day at the right time is heartbreaking for my DS and in turn me.

    It's not always peachy and I can think of more than one female member of this board who has been denied seeing her child because the father has taken off with the child. There ARE resources for people being denied access - legal aid for low income earners, family lawyers, the family court, mediation. Sure, it's a battle but surely it's worth it?

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    Quote Originally Posted by Benji View Post
    I disagree with this. My struggles with child support date back years and years and I was actually told by CSA I'd be better off taking XDP to court because they find him too difficult to keep up with and deal with. If people don't want to pay child support, they seem pretty quick to get away with it. I'm certain that my son's father and his partner earn more than my DP and I just going by the amount of concerts they attend, holidays they go on and cars they buy - yet I get a grand total of $0 in child support. I don't care, in fact, lately I'm happy to get nothing because it means he can no longer hold it over me.

    I hate that CSA is thought of as being related to visitation. It makes me cringe. I know many (what I consider) 'bad' parents who have their children for 50% of the time purely to get out of paying child support. The two should not even be correlated. Both parents should be paying a substantial amount of their child's costs so the child doesn't miss out.

    I'm fairly sure when you go through the court system and draw up a parenting plan, there are actually consequences for the parent who breaches that plan.

    It's often difficult on everybody - in my experience (first hand ) trying to receive a fair and reasonable amount of child support is like getting blood from a stone. Trying to get the father to have a proper relationship with my son is like dealing with a defiant toddler. Trying to get him to show up on the right day at the right time is heartbreaking for my DS and in turn me.

    It's not always peachy and I can think of more than one female member of this board who has been denied seeing her child because the father has taken off with the child. There ARE resources for people being denied access - legal aid for low income earners, family lawyers, the family court, mediation. Sure, it's a battle but surely it's worth it?
    CS should equal visitation, you cant have your cake and eat it too, we cant expect a parent to send money to another parent and then not get to spend time with the kids that is not fair and if the time is split 50 50 then no support should be paid as both parents are caring for the child when in their care.


 
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