Last edited by Lovemyfam; 12-10-2011 at 16:44.
Don't get me wrong, I believe unless there are issues of violence, drug use etc etc the non custodial parent has a right to have contact with their child. A custodial parent that refuses contact based on nothing but viciousness and isn't open to mediation should be taken to court. All I'm saying is that giving CSA the ability to give men their ex's addresses opens up a minefield in relation to safety issues.
I have only seen 1 person on this forum say that they were with holding visitation because they didnt like the father. The rest have said that they wish their children had a good father. Why would you with hold visitation unless you had reason to fear for your childs safety? I have my DS 100% of the time and its bloody hard! He is extremely active and I do not get a break. I had a dentist appointment today and he had to come too and sit in his pram as I have no one to rely on. I wish my son had a decent father as it would make my life so much easier.
Why? Spite, revenge, jealousy, control, etc.
It happens, and it isn't exactly rare. Generally, those perpetrating it aren't likely to admit it.
I've seen posts from the partners of non-custodial parents on this forum at least a few times that mention the issue. When it does happen, it is incredibly expensive and often futile to pursue.
Of course dad wouldnt tell his latest partner thta he abused his ex/was a crap father/had 20 affairs... he wants to paint a pretty picture of himself and that meansmakign his ex, who may very well be a victim, into a 'wicked bitter jealous' ex.
The nature of humans dictates that at least some of the stories on here about supposedly horrible mothers and fathers range from the slightly embellished to the completely untrue. People tend to relay their experiences in a way that conceals their own failings and amplifies those of others - particularly in a venue where the ability to verify the details are almost non-existent and the story is likely to elicit massive sympathy and support.
Just because you've only seen one story of a parent stopping their child from enjoying a relationship with the other parent doesn't necessarily mean that it only happened once.
I hate that CSA is thought of as being related to visitation. It makes me cringe. I know many (what I consider) 'bad' parents who have their children for 50% of the time purely to get out of paying child support. The two should not even be correlated. Both parents should be paying a substantial amount of their child's costs so the child doesn't miss out.
I'm fairly sure when you go through the court system and draw up a parenting plan, there are actually consequences for the parent who breaches that plan.
It's often difficult on everybody - in my experience (first hand ) trying to receive a fair and reasonable amount of child support is like getting blood from a stone. Trying to get the father to have a proper relationship with my son is like dealing with a defiant toddler. Trying to get him to show up on the right day at the right time is heartbreaking for my DS and in turn me.
It's not always peachy and I can think of more than one female member of this board who has been denied seeing her child because the father has taken off with the child. There ARE resources for people being denied access - legal aid for low income earners, family lawyers, the family court, mediation. Sure, it's a battle but surely it's worth it?
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