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  1. #1
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    Default Almost 4yr old free to a good home?? Apparently hard of hearing..

    She is driving me INSANE!!!! She does not listen to ANYTHING i say. Im constantly repeating myself over and over. Then i get angry and raise my voice and all she says is "dont yell at me!!!!!" She still doesnt pay any attention to what i have said she just knows i got louder.
    Im so sick of it!!!! I ended up giving her a smack the other day and she just gave me a filthy look and said to me in a nasty tone of voice: "Dont you smack me!"

    So now when she is naughty i just put her in her room, and she sits in there and slams the door and yells. Then comes out says im sorry i didnt listen. THEN does the same thing over and over again!!

    Im not asking much! Its always the same things; put your toys away, dont drop things on the floor, eat your breakfast, leave the dog alone, stop doing that ( usually encouraging the dog to eat her toys ) .

    Im just over her attitude!

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    With G being 3 1/2, I understand where you're coming from - she's really pushing the boundaries at present.

    What I'm trying:

    * Clear routines with rewards / consequences eg. Afternoon sleeps after lunch are a big issue. She goes to the loo, gets a lolly then goes to bed. If she won't, I've given up arguing, I put her in her room (often screeching), pack toys away and go off for a little while, then come back if she's quiet and try a "Did you want me to tuck you in or did you want to go to bed by yourself this time?" (assuming compliance). Mostly works ok. Otherwise no toys / other interesting things till after the sleep.

    * Doesn't want to wear clothes of my choice. Doesn't matter around the house but for good occasions, I choose. I usually give a choice of some items but no others and she can be fooled by this. eg. shoes, leggings but not tops. Then, if she's throwing a hyssie fit, I'll give her a choice of dressing herself in her (cold) room, or coming out the fire to get dressed in my choice. Usually works.

    * Whining - She'll come up saying, "I want a biscuit, I want a biscuit" etc, getting louder and whinier. I will say, "I can't hear you. Does crying get you what you want?"
    She's begun to say "No" and stop to ask sensibly but will usually start again if I say, "No, we're just about to have lunch" etc so I'm still working on this, but obviously "I can't make lunch while someone is whining, can I" is a good start and choices for lunch can be a diversion.

    I've always found that routine and consistency (with the occasional distraction with alternate choices) are the only choices that work. Counting to 3 worked with my other kids but not with her.

    At present, G is out of routine cos it's school holidays and all of us are home instead of just herself and her father. Could this be a factor for your little one, too?

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    We do the same things all the time. We havent had a change in our routine. I work monday, tues, wed and friday and DD has swimming on thursday and we clean the house. So we have weekends to go out and have fun. She Just seems to not want to co-operate anymore

    She just wants to argue, It takes her over 30min to eat her breakfast. So ive started taking it off her. I give it to her then say you have 15min to eat, 10min, 5 min, im taking it off you in 1 min etc. And she just smirks at me and argues "but i just wanna, i just need to" Always silly things like i need to tell you something important. so i ask what is it and she makes up something stupid like "oh i see the puppy".
    Then when i take it off her she has a hissy fit! and i have to drag her around the house and get her dressed while she makes everything difficult otherwise ill be late for work. ( i always pack something extra in her lunch box for kindy)

    Yet on swimming days she happily eats breakfast and gets ready. She loves kindy though so i dont know why she is being a pain!! She thinks its funny.
    Im considering just dropping her off at kindy in her night time nappy and pj's. I doubt she would like that, but its getting to the point where im sick of fighting EVERY day i work.
    She thinks she is the boss and when you tell her different she has a melt down. She was never like this before it was a new thing.

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    hi confused, There is no magic answer for every kid, but you have to find what is going to work maybe 50% of the time, and then do that consistently. She is pushing the boundries as all kids do, and you have to ride it out. You have to find what works, dont be jumping around trying this and that, give each idea a good week or two try. I never did rewards charts, I really didnt do much time out, i did ground the children when they were older, I would sometimes smack, I would remove the child or the toy or turn the tv off, I did what I had to do to get what I wanted. I just want to say, dont let a four year old get the wrong attitude, because what are you going to do with a fourteen year old with the wrong attitude. hugs, Marie.

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    I am wondering whether there is an attention element there, too. Obviously G has plenty of reasons to seek attention at present. I am wondering whether even negative attention may be what your DD is seeking. If so, changing it to positive and rewarding her for doing well may work. And carrots are always better than sticks (but sometimes you need those, too).

    Could you have a "race" with your brekky/getting dressed to make it fun, for eg? Only serve enough brekky to be able to finish easily in a short time? Get her dressed first and give her a sanga to eat in the car if she's so slow getting dressed that she doesn't have time for brekky? Having her half-dressed the night before (eg. shirt, singlet and socks for next day)? Have "special" cereal as a bribe for getting dressed quickly?

    Incidentally, I found that the "special cereal" idea was incredibly successful in night-training all of my younger 3 recently. I made it the rule that if they had a dry bed, they got coco pops / nutri grain etc in the morning but a wet bed was only weetbix. Not nastily, just a bonus. They pretty much trained themselves overnight - I couldn't believe it!

    So much of this is trial and error - and imagination! But our teaching maxim "Catch them being good!" is the best of all. On Thursdays, she needs to affirmed for being so good and quick to get ready perhaps.

    Good luck.

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    Quote Originally Posted by SuperGranny View Post
    I just want to say, dont let a four year old get the wrong attitude, because what are you going to do with a fourteen year old with the wrong attitude. hugs, Marie.
    That is so true, SuperGranny! My A was very similar to this and she is very, very difficult to deal with as a teen! Pretty embarrassing to admit from a HS teacher! But she was my first ...

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    I think its an age thing, my DD1 went from lovely to "challenging" around that age. I always thought the "terrible twos" sounded awful ... but a friend told me about the "f'ing fours" and she was right! Give me a 2yr old anyday.

    DD1 is five now and sorry to say but she hasn't improved much. I try to pick my battles and, I only make threats that I will and can, follow through with.

    Sounds like you are doing all the right things already, just hang in there.

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    My 3.5 year old DD always seems to stuff around, refuse to eat breakfast, refuse to get dressed (or insist she do it herself and accept no help which makes it twice as long) etc on the days when I actually need to get out the door at a reasonable time!

    I read somewhere the other day that rushing can stress kids out and therefore induce bad behaviour. The book suggested getting up 15 minutes earlier to take some of the rush out of it...if you're more relaxed about how much time you have to get out the door, you might be less likely to get cranky with her, which she just feeds off. I know I get the s***s with my DD which seems to cause her to be slower and ruder. She also seems to have misplaced her ears!!!

    Not sure if it works but could be worth a try...

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    LOL it's a pity there isn't a free child section on BH.

    I would not mae her breakfast, and when she asks say 'well you don't eat it anyway,'
    If she doesn't pick up her toys say 'say don't worry about and pick them up and put them into a bin bag'
    tell her if she leaves anything on the floor it will end up in the bin.
    Put some of her toys outside for the dog say 'if you don't care about them the dog can have them'

    These are some of the things I have done with 'rebelious' children which have worked. Just make sure you do it without a care in the world.

    I don't believe its an attention thing it's just kids pushing their luck and being PITA.

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    Thanks for the replies.

    She gets a fair amount of attention. As much as we can give before and after work. On thursdays i usually take her for a babychino after swimming or for a walk to spend time with her. She "help" make dinner sometimes.

    I usually have to wake her up in the morning ( and yet on weekends she gets up at the crack of dawn, why do they do that? haha ) I might try getting her up a bit earlier. Maybe leave her to eat her breakfast while i shower?

    And ill try the "throwing out" toys. Maybe she will pick them up then!!!


 

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