Why me? Why us??

**missmya84** · 15-07-2011 05:45

Wednesday we lost our little one at 9 weeks 5 days. I had no symptoms just a gut feeling something wasn't right.. Unfortunately our little ones heart had stopped when I had an ultrasound. Next thing I know I am at my obs in a mess and sent down to the surgical ward to wait to go into theatre.
This was my first pregnancy and my first loss. I'm so incredibly sad and don't understand why this has happened to me. I am a heathy person, eat right, look after myself. I know that it's not my fault as everyone keeps telling me but why do I feel this way and why at 8 weeks bub had a strong heart beat of 165bpm then a week and a half later it's just gone?? I feel like my heart is broken and my happiness has been ripped out of me. One day I am excited and happy then all of a sudden it's taken away with no warning besides a gut feeling somethings not right.

What do I do? I just keep crying and crying and it still doesn't feel better.

Am I ment to be a mother? Everyone tells me miscarriage is common but I just don't understand why. We are hoping to get some pathology results back in 3-4 weeks to hopefully explain what went wrong but that still won't ease my pain. I just want our little one back and all to be ok!

DQ · 15-07-2011 07:17

I'm so sorry for your loss

There isn't much anyone can say to ease your pain, but just know that we are thinking of you and are always here to vent to

**2BoysPlusOne** · 15-07-2011 08:06

I am so so sorry again sweetie xxxx

**gonnabeaGR8mum** · 17-07-2011 09:23

I'm so sorry for your loss

i wish your outcome had been better!

I don't know why sometimes our babies come to stay but sometimes there only here for far to short a time, but i do know how much it hurts when they leave us so early. your words are echoed in my heart. i hope you get some answers from the pathology results

**missmya84** · 17-07-2011 09:31

Thank you ladies for your kind words, I really appreciate it. I too hope we find something out from the pathology

xx

**krystallxx** · 17-07-2011 09:44

I am so sorry and I hope that everything comes back okay and you can TTC again very soon! Hugs to you and ur dp xx

**emzluvbub** · 17-07-2011 10:18

I'm so sorry for your loss. I've had two miscarriages before falling pregnant with this bub. I have been through so much in the past year and a half. Lots of misery, lots of blaming myself, lots of pain. There was no explanation for our losses. It was just 'one of those things' which is really not comforting for a grieving mother. Just know that you aren't alone and this has happened to so many women you will be amazed. When we miscarried our first, all these people we know came out of the woodwork with their own stories. I and others are proof that there IS hope and you WILL have your baby. And you are most definitely meant to be a mother, I hope it happens for you soon

**babydolls** · 17-07-2011 11:30

Sorry for your loss. It just plain sucks.

I lost a baby before DD1 was born and I was shattered. I couldn't fathom why it was so hard for us to get pregnant and then keep it. I found that I would break into tears in the weirdest places and times. I was so terribly upset. I forgot about my DH, I was so focussed on me. It isn't fair, I did nothing wrong and it happened anyway. DH was so upset too, that he was sent home from work as he burst into tears. I would see ladies who had 4 children and wonder why not me? All of these feelings are normal, and it is ok to feel them,

3 weeks later, my SIL announced she was pregnant with number 2. I made it all the way through lunch being happy for her and smiling and asking questions. I hopped in the car and lost it as we drove off.

2 months later, (which I know feels like an eternity when you are TTC) I fell pregnant naturally with Maddie.

We started to try for number 2 and another miscarriage. This time I just felt ****ed off. Not sad, just angry. Then I fell pregnant Straight away! I didn't even get my period back..... amazing

After the initial sadness, with my first m/c, I would tell myself that our little person must have missed the 'train' and was too late to jump into my uterus, or that we just must not have been ready yet, or our perfect little one was still being selected for us. My two girls I have now are perfect, and I know that if the baby before each of them stuck, then they wouldn't be here. So, hang in there, be kind to yourself and your husband. It is really tough I know, but maybe your little one hasn't picked you yet..... they will and you'll be a fantastic parent when they come along.

**angelbubswithwings** · 17-07-2011 11:50

I am so sorry for your loss. I know it hurts and this question is something that I have yet to get an answer to. Why when I was 18 and in a terrible relationship with no stability was I blessed with an easy pregnancy and my DS who I am so very grateful for but why now when I am married, financially stable and ready in every way to welcome another child into our family have we had so much trouble. I have questioned myself so much - maybe it was because I had cocktails on our holiday before I knew I was pregnant, maybe it was because for a moment we doubted that we had done the right thing before buying our house, maybe I threw up too hard, maybe I ate the wrong things, maybe I was too fat, maybe it was when I got a rush of adrenelin when that truck nearly ran into me, maybe it was because my job was too stressful, maybe.... i could keep going on. It does get easier and fortunately I have discovered that I have a blood clotting disorder but it didn't make it any easier at the time. Two years since our first loss and I have done everything possible in my life to ensure that I am ready to have that much wanted baby. I've lost 40kgs, I've stopped drinking and eating anything that might be bad for me, I exercise regularly, I have changed jobs and no longer manage, we brought our house - everything is aligned so I can only hope that we fall pregnant soon and that our dreams become real.

It's normal to ask why and sadly often we just don't get the answer that we need. I have learnt to accept and to forgive the universe for bringing this pain into my life. I have also learnt to appreciate what I do have. A loving DH who after faced with hardship very early in our marriage has proven beyond doubt that he is going to be there for me and loves me for who I am and has even said that if he can't have kids then that is ok if it means he gets to spend the rest of his life with me. We've just about built our house, my DS is an amazing boy who saved my life - he was the very first thing that I was ever good at and I haven't looked back since.

Although I wouldn't wish this journey on anyone I do sometimes stop and reflect about how much I have learnt to enjoy the small things in life and sometimes when I feel that in my heart I wonder if I didn't go through what I have if I would feel that same way or if I too would be whinging about sleepless nights and snotty nose kids and all the little things that really don't matter.

Lots of love and hugs to you and when you feel ready come over and join us in the ttc after miscarriage support thread where there are an amazing group of ladies.

**singa06** · 17-07-2011 13:14

Hi,
I am too so sorry to hear. This whole TTC journey and pregnancy can be so scary. I hope the BT results bring back something so that you have more understanding as to why this happened.
Take care.