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  1. #921
    Disney Baby's Avatar
    Disney Baby is offline <--- That's my baby at 8 cells old <3 Ahh the perks of IVF =D
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    Hi ladies!

    I was just wondering what counts as a long term IVF warrior?

    I am only into my 3rd FET, but 5th cycle overall. You will see from my signature how the past 8 months of IVF have gone

    Although I haven't had THAT many cycles yet, I feel as though I am in this for the long haul. If this cycle is unsuccessful, we are unsure of what will happen next.
    We had our karyotype testing done the other week, so we should get the results by the end of this cycle. If it comes back normal for both, we will probably have a break until we can see a new FS in Nov/Dec, but I REALLY REALLY REALLY don't want to wait that long!!!
    If the test comes back abnormal for either or both of us, we will do another fresh cycle with this FS and send the embryos for biopsy. If the biopsy is no good, we will probably only do 1 more fresh cycle and get them biopsied, and if that is no good aswell, then we will end our journey there.

    We do not want to use donar, so that will be it for us.

    We only have 2 frosties left, so I am worried if either of them are going to thaw! If they both thaw, we will be transfering both. Transfer is Monday, so we will see.


    Sorry if my post is upsetting to anyone. I don't want to be one of 'those' people that complain after only a few cycles.

  2. #922
    Zakmick's Avatar
    Zakmick is offline Can't change the past, but we can learn from it to make us stronger and move forward!
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    Hey April,

    Sounds as though it was a positive and negative apt. Great that FS believes if your embies make it to day 5, you have a great chance of a successfully fertilised embryo that could result in a successful pregnancy and you could save some money. This is great news and that your transfers are getting easier!!

    But then I hear you are disheartened that there is no further tests available and that it is back to a numbers game.

    It's such a lottery game! But instead it's playing with our lives.

    I'm at cd 35 waiting for AF too, I spotted cd 31 but nothing further. Hopefully she gets a move on for both of us x

  3. #923
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    Hi girls, I haven't posted since my last failed cycle,shouldn't have been suprised I spose
    Marzi congratulations on your beautiful baby boy You must be so excited and relieved to have him safely in your arms at last. Enjoy every second of it.

    Luvabug hope you got some nice eggs today and some great embies tomorrow!

    April I think they say you're meant to wear white pants!

    Big welcome to all the newbies, no matter how many cycles we do it's to many but I do think it gets easier. When I first started ivf I was so sure it would work 1st go, I even cancelled my first cycle because I had a few things I wanted to get done before being pregnant needless to say I was absolutely devasted when it didn't work the first few times and I'm only just starting to come to terms with it now after 6 years that it will probably never work for me. I've spoken to a new specialist and had a bucket of blood taken this week to see if anything might show up and he's told me not to any more ivf while he tries to find out what's wrong with me then I'll try another few cycles before giving up.

  4. #924
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    Zamick & April hope AF shows NOW! We are forever waiting grrr
    Gretchen I have everything crossed for you that you have success in the testing do you can get back to trying soon

    AFM 10 eggs collected yesterday and 7 fertilised today so a good haul. Although because I have half to what I normally do I am a little freaked! But for the first time I have a fresh transfer on Monday as long as OHSS doesn't show to cancel me out I am excited

  5. #925
    Zakmick's Avatar
    Zakmick is offline Can't change the past, but we can learn from it to make us stronger and move forward!
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    That's fantastic news Loveabug, let's hope with less eggs collected it means the quality is AWESOME and ohss stays at bay!!

    Fx for Monday xox

    Afm: still no AF grrr... Someone suggested the parsley tea I might get some, it can't be any worse than the herbs I drink for TCM.
    Last edited by Zakmick; 04-08-2012 at 10:09.

  6. #926
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    Disney Baby - Hi, this is a sh!&&y road to go down, hopefully you find it a little easier on here.


    Zakmick- s#x always works for me when I want to bring on my periods (nature has a very twisted way of working!)

    Loveabug - 7 fertiliase eggs is fantastic!!! I have my fingers crossed for your little embies!

    Gretchn - I am sorry your last cycle didnt work, you are very brave to be continuing this journey. Can I ask how you do it??? I am really struggling after only 4 failed cycles, I couldnt imagine how you must feel.

    Mariz- Congrats! I can't believe that you persereved for so long, I really admire you for that! You deserve all the happiness in the world.

    AFM - Not coping at all today. I havent posted on here for a couple of weeks as I have been trying to get my life back after our last fialed cycle but AF decided to show today, which is good in one way as we can start a new cycle, but bad as it is just another reminder that im NOT PREGNANT.

    We had a appointment with our FS last Thursday and have decided to to an estrogen primming protocol with saizen added. This is it for my eggs. If this doesnt kick start them into gear than nothing will. Which means its onto our donor, which I am OK with knowing that we have done everything humaly possible to try with my eggs and can move on.

    Tonight we went out with our neighbours and all they did was talk about trying for their babies. They have both been trying for several months and keep asking me, "did you know about this jelly that you get (cervical mucus)?" No after TTC for 6 years i didnt....Grrrr. One even said "oooh we can be pregnant all together!" Um NO, you will both be pregnant and I will be the sad little barron girl who can't be friends with them anymore because it would be too painful to see them both pregnant and happy while I cant even use my own eggs anymore!!!!!

    Im sorry about this post, I am just not coping anymore. I live with this excruciating pain everyday that I can stop, slow down or get rid off. The thought or either alternative (not doing anymore IVF or continuing) is bloody scary and does not seem to envoke any solution to my feelings and emotions right now. It's just about as scary as being surrounded by two pregnant neigbours and another pregnant friend (none of them actually are at the moment but I bet its not far off). I really dont know how I will survive that situation, I cant keep cutting myself off from anyone who falls pregnant, nor can I keep letting this hollow emptiness swallow me.

    Please tell me how I can begin to mend my heart and live my life again.

  7. #927
    Zakmick's Avatar
    Zakmick is offline Can't change the past, but we can learn from it to make us stronger and move forward!
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    Abubby,

    I'm sorry I can't reach through this phone and give you a big hug.

    You may have read my post when I first joined this thread, when we started ivf back in 06, I ended up with severe depression and was on strong antidepressants, with 5 migraines a week. I struggled greatly for two yrs.

    I sometimes wonder how I've got to this stage where I can just move on and not let it take over my life and I don't know if there has been one thing or a multitude of different things.

    I don't hide away anymore, I sometimes still get the lump in my throat in certain situations but I have made ivf not a taboo subject with my family and close friends. We discuss it openly and yes it hurts us all with me continually miscarrying but it's nice to have them there.

    I still go out & socialise, go to those dreaded baby showers and birthdays as I wouldn't want anyone to go through what we do. And Ttc for 6 yrs I want to celebrate when someone can conceive as its such a gift. (with that said some people I know working in the industry I did, do not deserve that gift!!)

    I still live my life, I don't put it on hold anymore as I just don't know when this will finally happen, and by hiding out a few years ago I did loose a lot of friends- which I truly miss!

    My brothers kids are my world, they live just around the corner and I spend a lot of time with them. Their conception initially caused me much pain as they were both accidents but now I couldn't see my life without having them in it.

    Knowing I am able to get pregnant, I think makes it easier for me than others, as I think it really is just getting the right one that will stick. I hope!!

    Working as a social worker I have had to experience a lot in my working environment where if your not tough you will not survive. I think I have used this in regards to ivf too.

    DH and I have discussed how we keep going and I think we both feel if we fell in a heap after each failed transfer/pregnancy we would not be able to continue with this process. Somehow we support each other enough to keep going, we have our couple of days were we struggle and then it's ok let's move on, what are we going to do different next transfer etc.I start making apts and begin researching.

    Another thing I find helpful is making sure something is changed each transfer/ cycle even it's just a small tweak, it gives me a little hope that things may turn out differently.

    I repeatedly say during each new transfer, this is a new transfer, it's not this embryos fault the others didn't want to play by the rules.

    Ivf has definitely made me stronger and more resilient and taught me a lot about myself. I sometimes think it has made me a better person, I definitely value things a lot more.

    I don't know if any of this will help you get through this time...

    I was reading though that an issue with your eggs is that they are immature etc. have you read anything about royal jelly and maca root, zinc and coq10? There all suppose to help with egg quality. I'm currently on coq10 and zinc and have just ordered the other two supplements online.
    Have you ever tried acupuncture/ TCM for egg quality too?

    I think bottom line is you have to find a way to float or you will sink, and what works for one may not work for another. Is there something new you can do? A new hobby, join an exercise group or even getting a referral from your gp for a mental health care plan (you will only have to pay a small out of pocket fee, most of the session is covered by medicare) to a counsellor for a few sessions may help you get through these hard days.

    Big hugs x

  8. The Following User Says Thank You to Zakmick For This Useful Post:

    Abubby  (05-08-2012)

  9. #928
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    Thank you so much Zakmick, your support means a great deal to me. Although I know I'm not the only one out there suffering through this, sometimes im just so in my own head that I forget. This thread has really been a saviour (even if ive only been posting on here a few times, I was a dedicated stalker LOL). I have tried the monthly threads but watching so many people come and go so qickly is becoming painful. Although I do not wish this upon anyone else its hard not to get jealous of others whose journeys aren't as long and arduous.

    It's funny, im not scared of living without children (i believe that my husband and I could have a wonderful, fufilling life without children) I'm scared of being the only person in my group of friends that can't get pregnant and all the sympathectic and pittying looks that we would get. As well as the fact I will have nothing in common with them anymore. I have to understand that my friends are now starting to want babies and even though DH and I started a long time ago others are now in the same place as what we are in our life and Im going to have to expect that they might just have children quicker and easier than us. Although its just so unfair!!!!!!!

    I used to go to the gym but have kinda given up on that, im finding it increasing difficult to get up off the couch and out of the house. I have thought about starting an IVF journal for myself so I might just do it instead of thinking about it. Maybe I should also make a list of all the things I want to do that I have always said I can't because of IVF.

    I didn't know about the Mental Health plan from the GP so I will definitely go and get one. I would really like to see a counceller or psyc but the cost has always been an issue. Im scared that I might just fall apart and even though hubby says im strong enough, I dont know if I am anymore. So if someone can help me stay together for now and the future im all for it.

    I have done accupunture and TCM in the past but it never seemed to make a significant difference so I have decided not to do it this cycle as we have really had to pick and chose where we are spending our money and right now Saizen wins out over accupunture . I am also on CoQ10 and Zinc and I have also used Royal Jelly as well. I didnt know about the Macca root for egg quallity so I will look into that thanks!

    I agree that this journey teaches you alot about yourself, problem is Im not sure I like the person it is showing me. I have so many fears and pain (who will be the next person to announce their pregnancy? Will I be the only childess person in my group of friends? What if this cycle doesnt work and when we move onto our egg donor it also doesnt work and we are still in this situation?) that I am beginning to resent myself and my situation and I am starting to take that out on my friends and family. Most of all I am sick of putting my husband through this sh^t. I hate that he has to be the strong one while I crumble in a heap. I want to give him back the person that he married.

    Sorry again about this post. I know we are all going through so much and I really appreciate that you have all allowed me to have my mini meltdown on here. It has helped so very much.

  10. #929
    Zakmick's Avatar
    Zakmick is offline Can't change the past, but we can learn from it to make us stronger and move forward!
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    Abubby, melt away honey!! If your mini breakdowns on here keep you going then use this forum xx

    P.s I totally understand about the money side of things!!

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    Abubby I totally understand what you are saying. More recently I am coming to accept that I may never have children. I have a great relationship with DH and I know we can have a happy life just the two of us. It's other people that make me feel like crap! I was at a bbq the other month and all the couples were talking about another couple who weren't married and didn't have kids. They were aksing "what's wrong with them" and speculating over fertility issues. It made me feel like crap thinking they probably say the same thing about us when we aren't around. People make you feel like an outsider and like you are missing out on the best possible thing in life.

    I have just done a donor cycle and I'm in the 2ww now. My problem is egg quality and with a donor we got 6 blasts! This has reinforced to me that an egg donor is the only way for me. Two specialists have told me they can't fix egg quality. I spent thousands and thousands of dollars on Chinese herbs, acupuncture, CQ, Royal Jelly, fish oil, macca (let me save you from that horrible stuff) etc. I wish now I had of saved my money and gone sooner with a donor and tried more donor cycles.

    In 2010 I went to see a counsellor specialising in infertility as I was not coping well at all. I had pretty much isolated myself from everyone. She was terrible, wouldn't let me speak and told me I was feeling things I wasn't. She also told me to push myself through the pain and put myself in painful situations so I didn't develop a phobia about babies. Such bad advice. This year I went to a psychologist who does not specialist in infertility and it was so helpful. She told me to surround myself with people that make me feel good and who are not all about babies or young families. To take up hobbies, play sport do the things that used to make me who I am. I also had a nasty health scare that put things right into perspective. I would advise seeing a counsellor and suggest shopping around until you find one you click with. Not sure what state you are in but there a number of counselling agencies that provide counselling at reduced rates. I did not want to go through the mental health scheme for professional reasons. I would also advise returning to exercise it really helps so much with improving mood.

    Abubby I NEVER thought my heart would mend. I think there are some events in life that cause a permanent scar. Infertility is a permanent scar, it will never go away but I can heel to some degree. I truly believe that there will be a way forward and whatever happens happy days will return to us. I know lots and lots of people with kids who are miserable.

    Aside from anything else we are damn strong women! We get through this we can through anything.

    xx
    SS
    Last edited by SummerShine; 05-08-2012 at 22:56.

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    Zakmick  (05-08-2012)


 

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