Vent/advice/whinge...

**peanutbrittle** · 23-06-2011 08:46

This will be a ramble because I am absolutely sleep deprived and stressed, and I cry when I'm like this, but I need to get it out before DH wakes up and I unload on him.
So, DH is on a weeks holidays, and I asked very nicely if he could get up to DS one night and let me have a sleep in, it would be one of the only nights 'off' I have had in a full year. Now DS doesn't sleep, in the past when I couldn't settle him I would just lay on the couch with him til he fell asleep, but he is getting too big now and he can't get comfortable, so I have had about 8 weeks of spending about 3 hours in the middle of EVERY night, trying to get him back to sleep ( which is what I need advise on??)

So, it's now Thursday and still no sleep for me, in addition I can't even catch up through the day cos DH wants to do something, and thinks I'm wasting my day having a snooze while DS is napping (mind you he has been having a nap every arvo...) I don't know how much more I can deal with, it's supposed to be easier having 2 parents home, but it's as if he thinks he is on holidays from both work and us! Last night I cooked dinner with DS at my feet whingeing the whole time, then when we sat down to eat, DS through a tantrum, so I picked him up and let DH eat, then when he finished he got up and walked off to fix himself a drink and headed outside... So I tried eating cold steak with a 1yo on my lap!
I don't know the point of this really, but im struggling! At least my big baby is going back to work next week, but how do I get my little one to sleep... Please give me the magic secret for making a 1yo sleep in their own cot for longer than 2 hours???

**drewid** · 23-06-2011 09:02

I used to have the same problems with DH when DS was little. Time at home = time off work = time off full stop, and it was really difficult not to resent him for not 'helping' at home. I bottled it up and got furious and our marriage went to pot for awhile.

I really recommend saying what you feel - pointing things out specifically and making him take notice of how unfair and selfish he is being. He is a parent, and being at home = taking your fair share of responsibility for house & child when at home.

Sometimes they just dont' really "see" it, and you have to be specific about what you need them to do. Don't give him a choice about it. If you need to catch up on sleep during the day and he wants to go out - tell him to go out and take the baby with him so you can have some rest. Tough pickles if he thinks you are 'wasting' your time...you need sleep!

Next time he goes outside for a drink while you're trying to eat with baby clawing at you, just take baby to him and say 'here, your turn, its my turn to eat'. It's surely no hardship for him to take 5-10 minutes out of his time to let you do that!

**poppyseed** · 23-06-2011 09:03

Oh u poor bugger

Firstly my DH wldnt do that to me but if he did I'd have a few choice words to say to him!
I don't have any advice about 1yr old sleep tho (I've only got a 4mth old).
I hope it gets better for u! I wld have a chat to DH in ur situation. Cld u leave the house for the day and then he wld c everything u do and he may be then grateful and offer to help.

**Idonttrustjelly** · 23-06-2011 09:04

Omg you poor thing!!!

I'm really sorry but your DH sounds like my EX! So unhelpful and selfish ... I think you need to tell him exactly how you feel and get him on track before you start having serious marriage problems

About the sleeping, I may get shot down in flames for this, but my 10 month old (3rd child) is the spawn of satan! lol. About two months ago I got sick of waking 4 times during the night to bottle feed him, only to have him continually wake again and again ... so I started the controlled crying, I would put him down to bed at his time of prefference, give him a bottle and he would fall asleep. He proceeded to wake as usual, but I refused the bottle. Now he will go from 7pm to 5am without a feed. BUT, he will still wake at least once through the night for a whinge, I just put the dummy back in and repeat this until he falls back to sleep. Some nights I want to rip my hair out because he's so stubourn and can cry for ages, but I absolutely refuse to bring him in bed with me. I made that mistake with my daughter and it took me years to get her out! lol.

Sorry, that rambling prob doesn't help you at all.
I honestly don't know the best solution for you, but I do know that you need Help! Your "Big Baby" needs to get his act together

to you!!!

xx J

**Idonttrustjelly** · 23-06-2011 09:09

sorry, double post

**do re me** · 23-06-2011 09:12

Ow gosh you poor thing... at least your son has a good reason for his difficulties, being a baby, but what's your DH's excuse for being so selfish??

I don't think there's any magical cure - babies need to learn how to sleep, and go back to sleepon their own unfortunately... Have you tried leaving him in the cot when he wakes and letting himself cry himself back to sleep (not to the point of distress obviously but you know this)? Babies often wake between sleep cycles and they seem to be fully awake but often their still in a sleep state but simply between cycles.

How old is your son by the way?

**waterlily** · 23-06-2011 09:14

Oh wow, I'm sorry! But he sounds very lazy and selfish!

If DH did any of those things during a working week I would not stand for it let alone his holidays.

I hate reading vents like these because it's just not fair and not right!!! Just because your a SAHM or even a working Mum does not mean you are a SLAVE!!! God! He is the father too!! How selfish!

Sorry for my rant! I really think you need to talk to your partner and let him know how you feel because his behavior is terrible and extremely unfair!

**Idonttrustjelly** · 23-06-2011 09:16

Originally Posted by SuperTrooperVagiDuper

I would write how you feel on paper leave it on the table and then just go to a backpackers or hotel for a good day and nights rest..... Leave him to deal with home. Me personally I would go for a few days lol.... Im mean.

Omg! Hilarious

... but seriously a good idea!

xx J

**jadee22** · 23-06-2011 09:35

That is horrible! I think you just need to sit down n talk with him about it. I don't think that it will help anyone if you leave or get angry about it. I know his actions seem selfish but maybe he just doesn't realise what he is doing. He probably thinks that u have everything under control n it doesn't dawn on him that u aren't coping.
I think that as a mother its ok to fight for what u need n be put first for once. You should just say "Listen honey. I'm exhausted. I'm having the day off today. I really need some time out. I know u will love spending the day together without me." And then u go into the bedroom n close the door behind u.
Then u can discuss it more rationally when u feel better.

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**SuPeRsTaRrR** · 23-06-2011 09:43

As drewid said- sometimes they just don't see it! I'm not excusing his behavior but sometimes they need to be told not asked to do something!

Like next time he's finished eating before u just Hand Ds over and say 'my turn to eat' etc and I know u said u don't want to 'unliad' on him but I know dps realized how hard it can get when I'm at the point of crying and unload to him!! Makes him see that even overnight we don't get a break!!

As for the sleep advice- has Ds always been like that?