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  1. #11
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    It's on my "to do" list of books. I regret the first 18 months of my child's life. I barely remember them, to be honest. I still cry about them sometimes, but all I can do now is be present in the now. I am every so greatful that I was able to come out of the fog of PND and begin to be present for my child. And I am greatful that I am now armed with much more knowlege for any future children, though I still expect to learn much every day.

  2. #12
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    [QUOTE=just going to sneak in and steal him from his cot and off to bed with me [/QUOTE]

    It's so worth it!!

  3. #13
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    Quote Originally Posted by brogeybear View Post
    I am every so greatful that I was able to come out of the fog of PND and begin to be present for my child. And I am greatful that I am now armed with much more knowlege for any future children, though I still expect to learn much every day.
    What a brilliant perspective! I like the idea of being armed with more knowledge. I've been working hard at trying to get out of old habits, sometimes it goes well, other times I kick myself for losing my patience/temper. But I feel like I've got a bit more of a clear direction now.

    And well done on getting through PND . It's a long road to travel, but I hope that life is a lighter and happier place for you now. I've had 3 lots of PND, and hopefully it'll be a LONG stretch before I go through it again.

  4. #14
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    OK so I powered through and finished the book

    I can definitely understand the perspective of babies in arms as nature intended and the demand feeding for newborns. BUT I also think that some of the recommendations are just not achievable in the society we live in and the book is an insight into how just one culture raises children. So I think mums can forgive themselves a little for not following the concept to the letter. I think the part where she describes all the possible terrible outcomes for adults that were not babes in arms might be enough to scare every mum, nobody wants a sexual deviate or suicidal actress for a child lol! But I also think it's a bit of a far stretch to assume all babies that were not babes in arms will grow up to have emotional issues, surely the love and attention we have given the best we know how accounts for something?
    We tried having our 15 month old son in the bed with us for the past week or more, but dad now sleeps on the couch and mum hardly sleeps at all, while DS sleeps with his head against the wall, bum in the air and foot in my mouth lol! So I will put him back in his cot, but anytime he needs to sleep with us he will be welcome, just not night after night...
    And he has plenty of cuddles during the day, his little cries for attention are never ignored (even when my hands are elbow deep in dish water) and he is my shadow (where he goes, I go. Where I go, he goes).
    I think it's never to late to instill to your child how much you truly love and care for them, as in the book Parenting by heart the author whose name escapes me explains that new pathways in the brain can be relearnt.

  5. #15
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    i know this is an old thread but has anyone else read this and applied it to a 3 year old?

    i am currently feeding my 9 month old to sleep with my 3 year old screaming behind my closed door. i've tried having her with me while i put bub to bed but she just wakes up the baby no one naps and itis hell. i feel so much anger sitting here because i want her with me and i don't have an effin village to pass her to.

    i'm angry that i can't be as present for my eldest daughter as i used to. her behaviour is out of control and she is withdrawn at preschool.... what the hell do i do?

  6. #16
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    i have read the book and i hear you re the village to support other children and yourself in this situation. i really do. my 11month old feeds best when away from distraction and then i also nap him staright after. keeping out DD2 who is 2.5years can be hard some days and i feel awful having to ask her to leave. but as soon as the bub sees her, he thinks its play time and absolutely will not settle with her around even when she tries to snuggle and be quiet
    so what do i do ? - well, i set her up with a new "big girl" activity that only comes out when her brother has a sleep. so for example the crayons and paper or puzzles or her books that have an electronic reader so she can do it on her own. then once done (i dont get long snuggles with bub) i come out and we play together on the activity or play some other special thing with her. (usually for his whole sleep about 40 mins)
    its not perfect. some days i ahve to resort to, putting tv on for a bit but its all part of our routine now and she seems ok knowing mummy will be with her soon. on a bad day, i will put him on my back in a carrier and he sleeps there.

    good luck i hope you can work something out.
    i did have to allow her to try to be quiet so she could see he wasnt sleeping and use that to explain why she must stay out.

    i have also notivced that thew days she misses out on her quality time with me say if we go out or decide to clean instead, she is more difficult and uncooperative, and she is less affectionate. so for me this routine has really helped. i know its hard to find a balance between the two kids needs. we really arent supposed to be so isolated but mummy's are resourceful, i am sure you will find a way.
    Last edited by mamabel; 02-05-2013 at 13:33.


 

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