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  1. #1
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    Default The Continuum Concept - feeling a bit devestated

    Hi, I just wanted to post this quickly because I began to read The Continuum Concept the other day and I have been feeling so sad and regretful that I didn't read this book before I had my first child. It has really struck a nerve. It makes complete sense to me. Has anyone else read this book?

    I thought it was interesting as I was so much more relaxed about my 3rd child than I was with my first two, and I think it is because all the info I read up on parenting that is really from main****** parenting was so stressful. With my third I decided that I really wanted to have bub sleeping in bed with me and I wanted to carry her around and have her there to really treasure that baby stage that goes so fast.

    Since reading this book though I feel as though I robbed my two boys of their time without a stressed mum and I really am struggling to work out how to apply it to a four year old and a two year old who do not want to sleep in our bed, and are already so grown up. *sigh*. So anyway, I just wanted to quickly share my thoughts and I was wondering if anyone else has had the same change of heart/ epiphany about AP after already having kids? I feel like I finally get it, but now I have to try and unwork all my habits and behaviours that I've relied on for the last 4 years, in fact, the beliefs I've held my whole life. I do feel that it's right, though!

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    Just having your epiphany is a fabulous thing for your kids

    AP parenting isn't just cosleeping and babywearing, it's how you interact with your child on all levels ...

    There is a book by robin grille - I think it's called 'heart to heart parenting' - that would be good for you to read ... I know there is a whole section on toddlers and older kids


    ( ... life's too short to sweat the small stuff ... )

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  4. #3
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    i havent read it, but ive heard a lot about it. i dont think its ever too late to improve ourselve.

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    I read it recently and found it an eye opener too.

    I recall the book says if you feel like you missed the window you can invite your little ones to bedshare with you until they leave of their own accord? Might not be feasible but something to think about.

    It seemed to reaffirm to me that it was okay to want my baby close while we slept, and to hold her is normal. I've started reading Children Are People Too, but I'm finding it a bit hard to get through.

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    Hi OP! i too read this after having my first child. I also felt it resonated deep within me and wish i had read it earlier, but did we just get it when we could understand?? i might have thought it too far out had i read it before baby?

    I followed my instinct as much as i could with first bub and didnt even know that it was a "style" of parenting. I sometimes beat myself up at my mistakes and wish i had done a few things different. But all is not lost, raising children is always a work in progress.

    Keep reading because there is more to consider for older children also. I did have to re-evaluate some of it as whilst i agreed and could see the truth in the book, its also important to remember we dont have the same lifestyle as these people (much as i might fantasise sometimes!). So in the end i took the general message and figured out what elements i could bring to my parenting and reasonably apply.

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    Quote Originally Posted by mamabel View Post
    Hi OP! i too read this after having my first child. I also felt it resonated deep within me and wish i had read it earlier, but did we just get it when we could understand?? i might have thought it too far out had i read it before baby?

    I followed my instinct as much as i could with first bub and didnt even know that it was a "style" of parenting. I sometimes beat myself up at my mistakes and wish i had done a few things different. But all is not lost, raising children is always a work in progress.

    Keep reading because there is more to consider for older children also. I did have to re-evaluate some of it as whilst i agreed and could see the truth in the book, its also important to remember we dont have the same lifestyle as these people (much as i might fantasise sometimes!). So in the end i took the general message and figured out what elements i could bring to my parenting and reasonably apply.
    Thanks! That's a good way to look at it. I'm thinking maybe it might have been a little radical for me pre-baby... although I wish I'd had the other option of thinking.

    I've been trying so hard to work out how to replicate as much as I can, although I'm battling 4 years of my own parenting habits (yelling and arguing!). But in saying that, I've found that with this new perspective, it has been much easier to change because I've been able to challenge beliefs, like "don't let them have everything they want because it'll just make life harder later on". That's been a big one, courtesy of MIl and my own mum. It erases most of the daily battles and the HUGE irrational fear that I am going to ruin my own children by giving them what they need... makes no sense for a good reason!

    Thanks for the reassurance. It's a huge relief to hear it's not too late I'll keep reading!! I'm on the last chapter

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    changing habits is hard and always takes time. when i am really tired or overwrought i slip into the old habits probably what i was wired with as a child myself! but an apology goes a long way and makes me try not to do it again...

    good on you for trying this on, i am sure all your babies are already benefiting from the new perspective.

  11. #8
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    BabushkaMumma is offline Mothering with my whole heart as thats what my girls have given me.
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    I was lucky enough to have a wonderful mentor who gave me this book to read during pregnancy.

    It's lovely that you have been able to read it now at this point to - because parenting never ends - while you feel you've missed out on 4 years of more relaxed parenting - you still have at least another 20 to go so you will still have so much time to practice and refine

    The Cont. Concept gives you so much to take from - but sadly we cannot apply all of it due to our lifestyle, our era and support network.

    I found that to keep building on those principles and ideas I kept reading and researching. I read books encouraged gentler forms of teaching and parenting, and there is a long and lovely list - books by the Sears, Pinky McKay, Steve Biddulph etc publish books that can help add to your parenting tool box.

    I know that feeling of reverting to the old ways when your tired - I hate when that happens but I try take that chance to look at why I reacted that way - what is it about my child's behavior that elicits such a negative reaction from me? I usually find it's a Hangup I have but I apologize and try to do better next time...

    Pls be kind to yourself about the past - your already an amazing mother - just see the future as a wonderful change x

    ETA: Noone ever says to another adult about their friend or partner 'Dont give them what they want emotionally or you'll spoil them' people only seem to think that love = spoiling in children.

    In a relationship - that kind of love and attention is taken to be a sign of deep love and commitment and makes the couple happy!! Never have I see a couple turn out spoilt or ruined as a result!

    Sometimes people have funny ideas don't they!!
    Last edited by BabushkaMumma; 25-05-2011 at 21:40.

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    well said babushkamumma

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    Do they make "a dummies guide to the continuum concept"? lol... I'm a third of the way through and having trouble getting through it, mostly seeing as late at night when the house is quiet is when I get to read it... feeling very "not smart" lol...
    but on a serious note feeling sad that my little man spent his first two days of life in a plastic box in the hospital, and just going to sneak in and steal him from his cot and off to bed with me


 

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