need advice

[jess87]

Hi there,

Just want to know some opinions on what to do when u think DP works too much.
DP works 2 jobs and is hardly home to spend time with DD i am confused and dont know what to do as most the time he is home he is in front of the tv and only really spends time with DD when i ask him numerous times to. also i know he may be tired from working but he doesnt help around the house and everytime he is home we argue most the time.

I want to stay with DP but i am scared that he is losing interest in me and DD please help!!!

[RoseKathleen]

Why is DP working 2 jobs? Does he need to (ie you guys need the money)? If he is doing this for you and your DD, then cut the guy some slack. He is probably exhausted. But if there is no reason (really) to work such long hours, then maybe he is working to get away from you and the situation?

My DH's reaction to our DS when he was born was that he loved him to bits, but didn't really want to bothered. He thought babies were cute, but until they can play and kick a ball, he didn't feel the need for hands-on parenting. Of course as time went by his thinking totally reversed!

The other thing I think you should consider is his and your expectations of parenting. DH is firmly stuck in the 1950s where Dad goes to work and comes home to be greeted by two perfectly behaved and clean children, then sits in front of the TV until dinnertime. Obviously I don't agree! So maybe before yelling at him, you need to consider where he is coming from. Does he not understand what you expect from him?

Finally you need to compromise. If he needs to work, then you need to make arrangements for his long hours. So he doesn't help around the house, then find some help. Get a babysitter to take DD while you do the housework once a week. Warn him what you want from him - when he gets up in the morning, tell him that he needs to watch DD for an hour when he gets home. Don't force him to spend time with her if he doesn't want to - because then it seems like a punishment rather than something he should enjoy.

Put the baby to bed and spend some time together - just you and him without the TV.

If you make the effort, you will be surprised how he will too. But don't expect instant results. Try to bite your tongue and give him a break for at least a week before you blow up at him again.

[Me&MrMagoo]

what she said ^^

my dh works two jobs 7 days a week so that we can live in a place with a backyard and give ds the best we possibly can ...

BUT ...

he does still help out at home when he isnt too exhausted, still gives me a sleep in most mornings, will get up in the night if ds is having an especially bad night, cooks his own meals (he likes ALOT of chilli), and plays with ds endlessly!!

maybe have a chat to him as the pp suggested and find out where he is coming from and what his mindset is ...

[Atlantic Puffin]

In my experience, DP works for a family business. He works from 530 am, finishes at about 6, and now it is 815pm and we are at his parents house doing paperwork for a new job.

I used to get upset that DP worked these hours, he was/is never home.. Was cranky when he was/is, doesn't help much around the house and I got to a point I seriously thought he wanted out.

I spoke to him about it (aka: argument) and after that had to accept that this was the way it has to be. Not because he doesn't love me, not because he hates coming home to me, not because of anything like that, but because he is a hard worker, and because he wants to make a good life for us for the future...

I have stopped resenting DPs job and come to support him and our relationship has greatly improved... He is happier when he comes home now because he knows I won't be nagging him about work and finishing earlier etc.

I really hope things work out for you


Beep beep sending from my iPhone

[Chicky Pea]

what she said ^^

my dh works two jobs 7 days a week so that we can live in a place with a backyard and give ds the best we possibly can ...

BUT ...

he does still help out at home when he isnt too exhausted, still gives me a sleep in most mornings, will get up in the night if ds is having an especially bad night, cooks his own meals (he likes ALOT of chilli), and plays with ds endlessly!!

maybe have a chat to him as the pp suggested and find out where he is coming from and what his mindset is ...

This is me and DP

Luckily not every week, but when he is offered extra work, he always takes it. In our situation, his hours are all over the place so I can't get a job, so he is the only breadwinner. Oh, the joys of a single income household!

His normal job is about 2pm til 10.30pm, starts the other job at 11pm, works til 8am, sleeps from 9am til 1pm, then starts his normal job again at 2pm. Luckily this is only about 2-3 times a week and he works 6 days a week, so only one day off a week

It's really hard doing everything myself but when he is at home, I totally understand he is knackered so I cut him some slack, let him sleep in on his day off etc. I mean, he pays all the bills! Having said that, I'm the same as Me and Mr Magoo. He DOES help out as much as he can. He sometimes gets up for DD overnight, or in the morning and lets me sleep in and he is really hands on with her when he is there and awake.

I totally understand your situation, and like RoseKathleen said, if he is doing it to provide for you guys, I would maybe try and back off a bit. But I feel your pain mate!! Hope it improves for you