DD refuses to sleep in her room

**just her chameleon** · 17-05-2011 21:19

I'm at my wits end. DH and I have just had a massive fight over DD's sleeping

She refuses to sleep in her room or even on mattress in our room. She constantly asks to "snuggle with mummy". DH hates co-sleeping and I'm starting to resent DD because she is causing DH and I to fight.

I'm not fussed on co-sleeping, we do it so we all get to sleep with minimal fuss but I'd prefer her to sleep in her own room.

Every night her bedtime is between 9-9.30 it's killing us. I work full time and have uni exams in 3 weeks that I'm 2 months behind on the work, DH has been doing 12hr shifts starting at 2am. We try to get her to bed at 7.30 but she won't have a bar of it. Screams blue murder until we tell her to come out of her room.

She is a really restless sleeper which is why we hate having her in bed with us, she moves around all night in her sleep and just makes sleeping uncomfortable.

Our sex life is non-existent as she is always in our bed, I can't take it anymore I don't know what to do.

I've tried laying down with her and reading books but she wraps herself so tightly around me arm that when I try to leave she stirs and wakes up and then screams because I'm leaving the room.

Please help, I don't think our relationship can take this much longer

**xkwzit** · 17-05-2011 21:38

Both my kids went through a phase of this (not wanting to go to sleep on their own in their own bed), but I only entertained it because it would take all of 20 minutes for me to lie with them in their bed and they'd be asleep. We gradually weaned them off it (but it was pretty low key - we didn't have to try too hard, they weren't wrapped around us and we've not ever co-slept for any sustained period of time - so feel free to totally ignore me

). Once they got bigger they were also impossible to sleep with.

You are going to have to break they cycle of her screaming to get her own way. Maybe try sitting on a chair in her room, but if she gets up, wraps herself around you or screams you leave. If she's good and tries to sleep, you'll stay and keep her company til she goes to sleep? But whatever you do, do not give in to the screaming child about bed time when it is putting your own relationship in jeopardy. This is a fight that I think you need to win.

I might be old fashioned, but 9pm sounds very late for a 2 yo? I guess if she sleeps in, she might be getting all the sleep she needs, but my 9yo and 7yo need to be in bed by 7:30 - 8pm most nights to get up at 6 - 6:30 am to get to school etc, esp if I'm working. On weekends, they get to stay up later - but we'd never get anywhere on a weekday otherwise. Getting her to sleep on her own might mean that she goes to sleep earlier, giving you more adult, non-parenting time.

**just her chameleon** · 17-05-2011 21:53

You're not old fashioned! 9pm is waaay too late for a 2yo. If she has a day sleep she won't go to bed until after/around 9 and daycare refuse to not let her sleep

they are useless.

On the weekends and when DH is on arvo shift she doesn't have a day sleep and goes to sleep between 7.30-8.00 (although still in our bed).

I think im just so stressed about my uni exams I cant seem to think clearly about how to deal with her. She used to be asleep by 7.30 and I could study for a couple hours. Now I'm missing out on 10hrs a week of study and the result is 2mths behind.

But it's not just about uni, she's 2 yrs old, almost 3 and we have another on the way I can't deal with it anymore

I think I'll try the chair in her room tomorrow night - thanks

will let you know how I go.

**overitand36** · 17-05-2011 21:55

lock your bedroom door

get some tips from sleeping school I think they take kids up to 3

**FearlessLeader** · 17-05-2011 22:00

i can't help with the night sleep thing but i would be having seriously cross words with her centre. Speak to the director. They can lose accreditation points for refusing to not keep your DD up. Even if they woke her up after 30 minutes would be better.

**jennibear** · 17-05-2011 23:46

I cant really help but i thought id throw my 2 cents in. Maybe try putting a matress on the floor of your room for her to sleep on. This MAY help with the transition. It possibly could be some seperation anxiety or maybe she just misses her mummy. How offen is she at daycare?? Maybe something as simple as having some one on one time with mummy (NO interuptions) might help. Maybe she is gettnig that one on one time while she sleeps.

She seems to have an issue with sleep...maybe shes had a bad dream or something. Have you asked her?? Does she have a blanket or comforter in bed with her?? If not, maybe get her one and see how she goes.

My advice to you would be to ask her why she wants to sleep with mummy. Why she doesnt like sleeping in her bed. Maybe something happened while she was sleeping one night (maybe she hit her head on the wall or something). She may just come out and tell you what happened and you'll be able to 'fix' it.

It could be so many things, id start by asking her and see how you go.

Good luck

**just her chameleon** · 18-05-2011 01:46

Originally Posted by jennibear

I cant really help but i thought id throw my 2 cents in. Maybe try putting a matress on the floor of your room for her to sleep on. This MAY help with the transition. It possibly could be some seperation anxiety or maybe she just misses her mummy. How offen is she at daycare?? Maybe something as simple as having some one on one time with mummy (NO interuptions) might help. Maybe she is gettnig that one on one time while she sleeps.

She seems to have an issue with sleep...maybe shes had a bad dream or something. Have you asked her?? Does she have a blanket or comforter in bed with her?? If not, maybe get her one and see how she goes.

My advice to you would be to ask her why she wants to sleep with mummy. Why she doesnt like sleeping in her bed. Maybe something happened while she was sleeping one night (maybe she hit her head on the wall or something). She may just come out and tell you what happened and you'll be able to 'fix' it.

It could be so many things, id start by asking her and see how you go.

Good luck

We have a mattress in our room but she still insists on hopping into bed with us.

She says that she misses mummy which is why I always give into her, she's at daycare 5 days a week ranging from 4hrs a day when DH is on arvo shift and 8-10hrs when DH is on day or night shift.

I can't wait to go on maternity leave so I'm at home with her. But even on the weekend she wants to sleep with mummy. She has a dolly she sometimes goes to sleep with, but she doesn't need to have it IYKWIM. She got really good for a week or so when we bought her new bed and did her room up decorating it with butterflies but then the novelty wore off and she was back sleeping with us.

I know I give in a lot which has probably made it 1000x worse, but when you're exhausted you tend to do whatever you can so everyone can sleep

**just her chameleon** · 18-05-2011 01:51

Originally Posted by FearlessLeader

i can't help with the night sleep thing but i would be having seriously cross words with her centre. Speak to the director. They can lose accreditation points for refusing to not keep your DD up. Even if they woke her up after 30 minutes would be better.

Really? I think I might contact head office first and then talk to the director. The carers have always told me they're not allowed to wake a child up because if they're asleep they obviously need their rest. Yeah and screw the parents who are working/studying 45-60 hr weeks who now can't do anything at night cause their kid is wide awake at 9pm. Now said parent studies all weekend and gets no quality time with their kid. Rant over! They drive me crazy

**Bubbles10** · 18-05-2011 08:03

The No Cry Sleep Solution for Toddlers might have some ideas for you.

I am slowly working on getting my 13 month old to sleep in her bed. For now, it is only the start of the night but slowly slowly it is extending. I know what you mean about when you are too tired to fight it.

When your DD gets home from care, can you give her lots of cuddles and lots of physical interaction, so she gets her Mummy fix.

Ask her when she thinks she might be able to sleep all night in her bed.

Withdrawing from her (by locking the door) is just going to make it horrible for both of you.

good luck

**rubymay** · 18-05-2011 10:30

My 18mnt old woke every night for twomonths before our 2nd was due. First night home she slept through and has only woken once in the month her brother has been home. I am certain she new something was changing! Her territory was being invaded! We would bring her into bed with us and would only sleep holding onto me . One night I remember she fell asleep with her head on my pregnant belly! You never know - maybethis is something to do with it?