What do new mums need .... ?

**bheditor** · 15-05-2011 15:27

hi everyone!!

Hope you're having a great day today...

I've been thinking about another idea for the BH Army. It is only just an idea for now ... so it might be hard to explain.

I've been thinking of putting together an article for Bub Hub with 'letters' that you - as a mum (especially a new mum) - would like to write to other people in your life. The letters would be to tell them how you feel and what you need from them at this point in your life.

Not necessarily to send to them but to justify and to gain perspective on your feelings and expectations ...

OK, if you're still reading then thanks!

Here is an example of things you might write in a 'letter' to your childless friends (for one example).

"I can't wait for you to meet my new baby but please don't be offended if we can't sit down and eat cake and drink coffee while we chat. I may not even have any milk in the house ... if you're driving over maybe a quick text to ask if there is anything you can bring."

"If the baby is hungry I may not be comfortable feeding him/her in front of you yet. Breastfeeding is a natural thing, but it doesn't always come naturally. We are both still learning and I might be embarrassed at my fumbling attempts."

Anyway - do you get my drift? You could write similar letters to your husband, your mum/mil or maybe some dads would like to write one to their wife ...

Who would you like to write a 'letter' to? And what would you put in it?

**Little-Pink-Hen** · 15-05-2011 15:32

I love this idea! Can't think of my letter though

**2darlingboys** · 15-05-2011 15:40

To my MIL,
I'm sorry you need to isolate me & your first grandson into another room while he has breaky/lunch/dinner/snack/drink so your boyfriend doesn't get offended.
In future I would like to be asked If DS or I are offended by him eating infront of us. Or even with a blanket over his head but we will still know what he is doing. Thanks!

(I think I missed the agenda of this, but it's just a sore point haha)

**2darlingboys** · 15-05-2011 15:41

Family & Friends,
I know my little one is extremely cute but he is not a toy in pass the parcel.

**chubby bunny** · 15-05-2011 15:47

Originally Posted by 2darlingboys

Family & Friends,
I know my little one is extremely cute but he is not a toy in pass the parcel.

^^^This +

**bheditor** · 15-05-2011 17:56

Originally Posted by 2darlingboys

To my MIL,
I'm sorry you need to isolate me & your first grandson into another room while he has breaky/lunch/dinner/snack/drink so your boyfriend doesn't get offended.
In future I would like to be asked If DS or I are offended by him eating infront of us. Or even with a blanket over his head but we will still know what he is doing. Thanks!

(I think I missed the agenda of this, but it's just a sore point haha)

haha! I don't think you've missed the agenda. I think it is quite important for those around us to respect our decisions about how we raise (feed, comfort, etc) our children.

It could do with some rewording, however ...

But that is the sort of thing I'm looking for.

I guess we have the experience of hindsight. New mums might not feel like their feelings/opinions are valid or worth expressing.

I guess these 'letters' will help new mums know that we have all felt that way and it is more than OK to feel the way they do.

They might also help them find the right words to carefully and compassionately confront another about the way they feel or the way the other person is behaving ... iykwim ...

I thought the 'childless friend' and the 'mother' letters might be a good place to start.

What do you wish you could say to your childless friends ... ???

**elleandsam** · 15-05-2011 18:02

I wish I could have said to childless friends when DS was in NICU

"I know there are babies in here who are teeny tiny but please don't gawk or stare, please respect the privacy of these tiny people. And I know DS is cute being so little and all and you really want to touch and hold him but the NICU's policy says no. Don't complain to me about it, there's nothing I can do and quite frankly you not getting a cuddle is the least of my concerns right now."

Now that he's a big boy, at almost 4 months old
"Babies don't NEED bottles, stop suggesting it!"

**bheditor** · 15-05-2011 18:08

Originally Posted by elleandsam

I wish I could have said to childless friends when DS was in NICU

"I know there are babies in here who are teeny tiny but please don't gawk or stare, please respect the privacy of these tiny people. And I know DS is cute being so little and all and you really want to touch and hold him but the NICU's policy says no. Don't complain to me about it, there's nothing I can do and quite frankly you not getting a cuddle is the least of my concerns right now."

Now that he's a big boy, at almost 4 months old
"Babies don't NEED bottles, stop suggesting it!"

thanks elleandsam... people are weird....

**elleandsam** · 15-05-2011 18:09

I wish I could have said to childless friends when DS was in NICU

"I know there are babies in here who are teeny tiny but please don't gawk or stare, please respect the privacy of these tiny people. And I know DS is cute being so little and all and you really want to touch and hold him but the NICU's policy says no. Don't complain to me about it, there's nothing I can do and quite frankly you not getting a cuddle is the least of my concerns right now."

Now that he's a big boy, at almost 4 months old
"Babies don't NEED bottles, stop suggesting it!"

**Merla** · 15-05-2011 18:14

Dear friends
"If you would like to help us out, please don't spend your money on expensive toys and clothes, come around with a hot meal, pop a load of washing on and make mum a cup of tea. Material gifts are quickly forgotten but your time and help during this transition will be remembered for a long time."

"If you come visit us in the first few weeks we might be a bit tired, please be considerate of our space and keep visits short. We love seeing you but need to take any opportunity we can to sleep"

"We love seeing you, but our son/daughter is still getting to know you. Please don't expect to hold him/her in those first few weeks, we will let you know when/if its ok to have a cuddle."

"I've only just been born, my skin is very sensitive, my nose smells things you can't, my eyes find it very bright, and loud noises startle me. If your coming to visit me please have a shower first and refrain from using perfumes, strong deodorants, hand cream or smoking.. You may not notice it but it really effects me.
Thank you for understanding,
Baby X"