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  1. #1
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    Default Non viable roller coaster ride

    Hi,
    I have read a lot of posts that touch on low progesterone or hcg but not both at different times.
    I am in the midst of the non-viable rollercoaster. After trying for 2yrs my husband an i decided to seek IVF whilst in Adelaide. As it turns out we apparently weren't going to fall pregnant without it.

    Rd1 IVF - cycle 15 eggs 14 fertilised, 1 transferred and on e in the fridge resulted in nothing not even an attachment.

    Rd 2 IVF -With only one in the fridge we opted for a fresh cycle and had 19 eggs, 19 fertilised, 2 transferred (28March2011) & 6 freezable. We were really happy with result. Faint line on hpt and Clear Blue conception indicator want move off 1-2 weeks!

    Blood Test 1- (16Apr) it was given with caution & I'm sorry but the progesterone is only 1 but the HCG was good 123 - you were so close the nurse said. Continue with Crinone (progesterone cream) & prognova (estrogen tablets 2 x daily)
    Blood Test 2 -(19Apr, 5 weeks 1 day) progesterone now 27 so OK but the HCG only 182 still non-viable. Continue meds.
    Blood test 3 - (22 Apr) progesterone now 24 still OK but the HCG only 286 still non-viable should m/c in next few weeks if not an ultrasound will be done. D&C may be required. Continue meds.

    So Wed is my ultrasound and I'll be 7.2 weeks and despite light bleeding over last week which has completely stopped no cramping, but lots of smell aversions & other symptoms.

    Its hard to be 7 weeks today and not hold some hope despite the news not getting any better. Apparently its only a 1% chance we'll see a heartbeat. Lucky to have a wonderful husband to hold my hand!
    Last edited by Jay11; 02-05-2011 at 15:27.

  2. #2
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    I'm really sorry to hear about your situation, that must be really hard I know from experience how hard it is to lose a pregnancy that you've longed for so much (not to mention spent thousands of dollars trying to achieve). In Jan/Feb this year I had an early m/c, HCG coming back at 500 which was very good but progesterone only 6 which was woeful. I also had started bleeding by the time I had the BT so was surprised to get a BFP at all to be honest. In my case by Monday my hcg had decreased to 49 and a couple of weeks later it was gone entirely, so the miscarriage was reasonably swift.

    I can only imagine what you must be feeling with the levels going up only the tiniest bit, and not being given much hope from the doctors. All the waiting and wondering must be driving you round the bend. I can't give much advice I'm afraid but I can say that I have read about people who have had slow rising HCG that have still gone on to have happy healthy babies and I hope this happens in your case. If it's not meant to be, I hope you can just be done with it quickly because it really does do your head in when it's just dragging on and on and you don't know what's going to happen

    Best of luck

  3. #3
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    Thanks Livvyloo! Sorry to hear of your loss.

    I suppose what I'm most scared of is the ride continuing in a non positive way eg weak heart beat or too small in growth, and remaining in limbo!

    I feel like I'm loosing myself through this process with the hormone changes, the no answer results, the hope I'm trying not to have - so it doesn't hurt as bad tomorrow if I'm not in the 1%, and constantly trying to find a middle ground in my thoughts so I don't go completely crazy which means to have a little hope - go figure haha!

    Truth be told it's my husband that's really the one keeping me on the sane side with heaps of hugs, kisses & letting me cry if I need to).

    Amongst it all though on a positive - I think it's confirmed why I love my husband so much as he is letting me say what's on my mind & go through the emotions oh & actually listens & says what he thinks about it all which despite being a very different way of processing it all it shows me that he isn't cut off from it all. He's very much on the 'it's out of our hands so we'll just have to wait and see but no matter what happens we'll deal with it one step at a time' answer but it's the rational voice that my brain is hormonally sabotaged from at present so it's good to hear!

    But I still dread tomorrow! Tomorrow sounds so close ...

    So ..

    How did you deal with the emotions when you found out it was over?

    Good luck with this cycle
    Last edited by Jay11; 03-05-2011 at 10:12.

  4. #4
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    yeah it's awful to be in limbo and not have any finality, i can understand how that would feel for you. You either want it to be fine or worst case .. over.. so you dont have to hang around in the middle wondering what's going to happen and dragging it out. That's the hardest.

    That's really great that your husband has been so supportive during this time, we all need our DH's to help us get us through this I find! I would be lost without mine that's for sure

    For me, what I needed to do when it was over for me was to get on to another cycle quickly, i felt like i couldn't move on until i had another chance. I was all over the place and incredibly emotional for the weeks following the miscarriage and it was really hard. When I started my new cycle I felt a little bit better becuase it felt like I was moving forward. However, I got a BFN that cycle and it was the hardest I've ever taken a BFN in this whole time to be honest.

    Thanks for the luck with my current cycle, keeping my fingers crossed. Good luck with your test.. i hope something good comes of it xoxoxoox

  5. #5
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    Ohhhhhh hugs to you.

    Limbo land is the worst kind of world to be stuck in. You spend your whole life googling and wondering what chance you have of the little embie continuing to grow & develop.

    Meanwhile you rock up to work, put on a brave smile and pretend you are not living blood test to blood test, scan to scan.

    Throughout my 3 IVF cycles I had 4 low HCG and low progestorone pregnancies. I needed to do repeat bloods and scans for all but one of them (HCG was only 28 so bleed a few days after second blood test). Somehow we had a miracle baby - HCG started as only 50 and progesterone only 13 - pumped full of Crinone and my little boy decided to stick.......have been told by numerous IVF nurses that they rarely if ever see babies born with those statistics!

    All the rest unfortunately ended in miscarriage.

    How did I deal with the emotions - I cried, I punched my bed!, I couldn't believe how close we had got to have it taken away - felt way meaner than just having a negatitve pregnancy test, i cried some more, i went for lots and lots of power walks, i started to think positive again, and started thinking "well at least you can fall pregnant, it is just a matter of putting the right embie back in", i did acupuncture, i ate well, and like livvy I jumped on the wagon again pretty quickly.

    Good luck, keep hoping and praying but also be realistic about the statistics. I hope you get a miracle like I did.

    Thinking of you both xoxox

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    Hi Jay, I'm so sorry for what you are going through. I went through limbo land myself a few months ago after being told a BT was negative, then getting AF, then getting spotting, then having a blood test for my next FET cycle that showed I had already ovulated (at day 11), then doing a HPT that was positive, then getting BTs showing low but slowly rising HCG. I think the progesterone was also very low but did increase when the FS put me back on progesterone (though by that stage I was 6 or 7 weeks). Then there was the waiting for an ultrasound, which showed no baby, but HCG was still rising so there was the waiting to see if it was ectopic and if so whether it would "resolve" naturally. In the end I ended up having surgery for the ectopic at 9 weeks pregnant and I really hope never to go through anything like that again.

    The waiting and not knowing was the absolute worst - having the surgery was a relief. I really hope your rollercoaster ride is over very soon so you can either celebrate being pregnant or put it behind you and move on. It will all be worth it when you have your much loved and wanted baby.

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  8. #7
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    Livvyloo & Cheeky Seven - thank you for your replies. We plan to do FET as soon as we can (although waiting for that to start will be a killer in itself last two cycles before this one were over a week late Grrrr - it was awful willing on a cycle & nothing happening - when 4 2yrs u have not wanted it so there is a chance your pregnant haha).
    I believe Repromed want a break for 1 cycle before we can start again.
    I think I had become a little naive about how much this is going to emotionally hurt due to trying to prepare myself since first BT, despite bawling for all BT results. But reading both your posts I realise I'm still not prepared for the worse no matter what I tell myself it's going to hurt when everything is final.

    BBB - did you have any pain with the eptopic like they say eg pain on one side in lower abdominal or shoulder tip pain as this is my fear despite no symptoms to date that I've recognised. I had OHSS so not sure really what is what but no pain has been consistent in the lower abdom area. So nervous at what they will or won't find. If bad news well opt for D&C without hesitation as I don't think limbo is a healthy place to be plus it wastes time better spent on Rd 3.

    Cheeky Seven - WOW - how lucky are you to be in that 1% my DR / FS said he had seen a few lady's in my situation that's why he wouldn't let me stop the meds. The nurses on the other hand only say the dreaded words 'non viable' full-stop which confused us as to why I couldn't stop meds. But we asked to speak to Bruno (our FS) & that was when we got the clarification, after the first 2 confusing BT results. I hope we have some of your luck this arvo.
    Not a religious woman myself more a science type hence banking on IVF & chance with a lot of luck but I do believe that this ride makes us appreciate the success of others more - such as your son - it gives me hope that my numbers can result in my own lotto win whether this time or down the track. Thank you for sharing this with me, and I'm sorry for previous losses. But happy you have a precious son to show for all your pain, that makes it all better!


    Thank you all once again. My ultrasound is this arvo so tomorrow I'll try to post the results.

    Hugs 2 u all!
    Last edited by Jay11; 04-05-2011 at 09:47.

  9. #8
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    Thanks Jay, at least by this afternoon you will have an answer one way or the other and know exactly where you stand.

    Like you said as much as you "try" and prepare yourself for the worst case scenario you never really can until you are actually told sorry non viable. I would tell myself every time I had a low HCG/progestorone pregnancy that it wasnt going to work out, but deep down I always hoped I was wrong and that somehow it would continue. When you get that call or go to that scan that confirms what you pretty much already knew it is still so devastating and painful.

    As BBB said not knowing is nearly worse than knowing because even when you get horrible news at least it is news and you can then grieve, process and move onto the next stage and even start to feel excited again for your next cycle.

    Let us know how you go & I am thinking of you xoxoxox

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    Hi Jay, I had a few instances of pain on my R side but by that stage I was at least 7 weeks pregnant, maybe more (hard to remember now). By the time I had the op at 9 weeks I could feel "something" on my R side, but not excrutiating pain - even after the op was scheduled for 2 days time I still went to work as normal. The FS couldn't feel anything on any occasion when he palpated my tummy and did an internal exam, and nothing showed up on the ultrasound. I think that's not that uncommon with an ectopic. Towards the end I was very tired though but I don't know if that was just the preg hormones. When they did the op though they found my tube was quite badly damaged and I had some internal bleeding.

    that it's not ectopic and you have a resolution with your ultrasound. If they don't see a pregnancy I think they will monitor your hcg to make sure it's not ectopic. But it's a baby and you're just one who has low levels.

  11. #10
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    Ultrasound showed nothing so had BT which FS expects will start declining if it hasn't already and then once I get my girlie then were off. He said eptopic was not likely since no sack etc visible but all dependent on BT.

    Was shaking going in to u/s with nervousness then I had a bit of a cry but I think once he explained that it was gone completely (probably during the bleed I had 2 days after period was due was likely my m/c with the light bleeding I had last week clearing out some residual) I felt better & ready to get started again! He said from that day on it was a chemical pregnancy which I felt better about as I knew it meant it hadn't developed much if that makes sense. Plus knowing no D&C & m/c takes that fear away on top of everything else.

    So I think I'm ok with it. The pressure is off - no more limbo 'sigh'.

    Bring on Rd 3! I'm ready!

    Thank you for helping prepare me!


    Ps

    BT result in - HCG 8 - repeat BT Mon but should be back to normal by then! So well on my way to Rd 3!
    Last edited by Jay11; 04-05-2011 at 20:44.


 

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