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  1. #31
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    Quote Originally Posted by kaeja View Post
    I have read every post so far and have a huge lump in my throat.

    Something has clicked for me just right now, reading this thread.

    A PP said she was terrified of 'creating habits' - this is ME. This is how I feel...or after tonight, how I FELT.

    My baby NEEDS me. He doesn't need or deserve to be left in his room in his cot, crying. I have never been able to bring myself to actually leave him for very long crying anyway, but It was something I was considering TRYING.

    No. Not now. CC/CIO is not for us

    I realise now, I was (and this may sound odd) expecting too much from DS. Expecting him to understnd that he needed to go to sleep by himself. Just because he was a great little sleeper up until only a couple of months ago now makes no difference to me...

    When my baby cries and needs me, I WILL be there for him.

    I feel so emotional at this very moment. I realise that after reading these posts here tonight, that if I'd gone full on with CC/CIO then I may be feeling just like those who have posted here who have immense guilt and attachment issues with their children...

    THANK YOU SO MUCH for this thread. My eyes are now wide open, and I now know that I need to stop listening to other people's 'advice' (from IRL) and just follow my natural gut instinct and give my Son what he needs, when he needs it - ME. I dont ever want my Son to feel helplessness, and especially if I'm to blame for it!!
    Thank you so much for sharing that with us kaeja. To be honest, I nearly didn't post in this thread. It's so hard to admit that you have made a mistake with your child. Especially about something as vital to their emotional wellbeing as this topic.

    Thank you though, because if someone was able to read this thread and see the writing on the wall BEFORE they have to go through it, then it was all worth while.

    Hope this makes sense, busy with kids.

  2. The Following 5 Users Say Thank You to OurLittleBlessing For This Useful Post:

    1+1=5  (27-04-2011),brogeybear  (27-04-2011),faroutbrusselsprout  (27-04-2011),Mrs Nietzsche  (27-04-2011),TheUndomesticGoddess  (27-04-2011)

  3. #32
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    Quote Originally Posted by babybabycakes View Post
    When everyone around you pushes and pushes and your health nurse cites studies on sleep deprivation and baby development and tells you your pnd is caused by your child night waking, then tells you your child isnt crawling etc because they are too exhausted to learn. You fight this sensless info, go to your gp, they tell you to cc as well, family, friends everyone keeps at it.

    That is how it happens. I will regret our attempt for the rest of my life- but it does hurt when after all that having mentions of how disgusting it is that it happens send a knife through the heart
    I'm so sorry. I was thinking about my own experience, not directed at anyone else. I myself was feeling that same knife.

    Tbh I was thinking about some of the professionals who advocate this stuff, who drug mothers to sleep throug the night, who go on tv and say you should do this or you are sabotaging your baby, etc etc. NOT the mothers doing their best.

    eta took out that bit
    Last edited by Mrs Nietzsche; 27-04-2011 at 19:11.

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  5. #33
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    Quote Originally Posted by MissYouthful View Post
    I'll try get this out before my battery dies..

    With DD1 she was a horrible sleeper, I tried everything, co-sleeping, patting, rubbing, rocking etc and she kept changing every few days so what worked one day, didn't the next. For 8 months I struggled with it and it started affecting my relationship with DH. So we tried CC where I would increase the time she would cry etc and keep going in to soothe in-between the crying. It was so hard but it was the only other thing to try. Things did get slightly better but not the best, and she has always been very attached to me, even now at 3 she cries if I walk away from her and I blame the CC. She was generally a happy baby until bedtime but since we did the CC she has always needed me there.

    DH and I said we wouldn't do it again for consecutive babies. DD2 came along and she was a great sleeper, she would co-sleep with me and sleep the full night. Then at about 4 months old it all stopped, she wouldn't sleep at all and I was so sleep deprived and desperate. I posted on bubhub and someone emailed me some of the TH articles. I read them and out of desperation tried it. For a hour she cried the 'protest' cry and I didn't go in as TH said not to if you could handle it. Eventually I couldn't and I went in and she had tears and was all hot. For the whole day she just kept crying and crying in my arms and refused to have her bottle. I was heartbroken. I had her in my arms while eating dinner when she suddenly stopped crying and fell asleep. The next morning I woke up to find orange crystals in her nappy, indicating she was dehydrated

    Not long after I discovered that she wasn't sleeping because she hated being wrapped after getting frustrated with rocking and putting her in her cot so I could refresh, she didn't cry, just went to sleep, and I haven't had an issue since I stopped wrapping her.

    I feel so guilty about it. It tears me up inside.
    Sent from my HTC Desire using Bubhub
    MissYouthful. You can be thankful that you saw what it was doing quickly, and stopped. You can be very proud of that IMO.

  6. #34
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    Great thread, helps that there have been other people in the same situation.

    to anyone who's been through it.

  7. #35
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    Savingfishfromdrowning is offline If you can't change your fate, change your attitude
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    We did controlled crying with DD about a month ago. I needed to wean her as my health is failing and BF is taking too much from me. I couldn't get in to see the CFHN for advice on how to do it, so I looked in my Baby Love book (I asked BH, but not many weaners on here!). She said the only way to do it was to CC, so that is what I did.

    DD settled pretty well after the first half-hour of crying, but each time I went in to her and didn't pick her up she got so upset. I wanted to go in more and stay with her longer but DH wouldn't let me, I didn't want him to think I was weak, so I didn't go in.

    After 2 1/2 hours I was sitting outside her door listening to her 'grizzle' when she suddenlt started screaming hysterically. I went in to find her covered in vomit. I turned on the night light and she vomited again in my arms. She was so limp, but she looked at me and relaxed in my arms and started cooing happily. We changed her clothes and sheets and then put her back in the cot and started again.

    I hate myself for this. Why did I keep going? Why did I listen to the stupid book? Why was I so proud that I didn't want DH to think I was weak?

    At the third interval check (about 15 minutes after we put her back down) she had thrown up again.

    This time I said no more and that was it. We cleaned her up again and I let DH rock her to sleep. She was alseep in 30 seconds.

    The next morning DH said to me 'You know, I've thought about it, and that crying last night was a bit emotionally taxing for me.' (really!?!? ya think!?!?!) Sometimes I wonder if he has some mild case of Aspergers (this is not a joke).

    Interestingly, when we rocked her to sleep the next night she slept through for the first (and only) time in her life.

    I regret ever doing this, I feel like a monster.

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  9. #36
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    I am crying right now as I identify with so many of these stories.
    With #1, she used to cry every night for 4 hours and wouldn't go to bed until 10pm. I would just hold her in my arms rocking etc hoping it would all stop. At 6 months I decided we needed help and went to sleep school, they did cc and said the time it took her to settle would get shorter, it never did. We persisted with the modified version of just patting her, which involved holding her down while she screamed to try and settle her - this was better than her screaming without us being there. And then I just couldn't do it anymore, so started feeding and rocking her to sleep again. When she moved into a big bed at 20 months I stopped rocking, but we stay with her until she is asleep patting her back. She is now nearly 3 and still needs us to be there until she falls asleep. Since baby #2 came along, she won't let me pat her, it has to be her daddy.
    With #2, i vowed I would do it differently, blaming myself for all her sleep problems and dependence on us. It doesn't help that every time I mention how we put her to sleep to the mach nurses, they berate me for letting it go on this long. And I cop it from MIL too, and my husband has all these friends who cc has worked for and keeps suggesting it. I think his heart is in the right place and he wants to fix our "problem".
    But second time around, I just can't do it again. He will be 1 next month and I am still feeding and rocking him to sleep. He was sleeping pretty well up until a couple of months ago and now is getting up 6 times a night wanting a feed. And I give it to him and rock him back to sleep because I am too tired to do it any other way. I went back to the mach nurse last week and burst into tears and she told me I needed to get tough and let him cry. I tried to say that it woke up our toddler and upset her, so that's why I go into him so quickly and she just said the toddler needed to get over it and so did I. I came out thinking no one was on my side.
    At least now i know some people are...thank you for listening.

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  11. #37
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    I just wanted to share something that a pediatrician (at a mother baby unit) said to me once. She said she often wondered whether these kids who didn't sleep, who were alert from the start, etc, were the ones who would end up diagnosed with add, aspergers, etc. As in, maybe the non sleeping thing is the person that they are, and will always be. I noticed in another thread that a few mums with non sleepers went on to find they had a "disorder" down the track. Not to imply that all non sleepers have something else going on, but I guess may be we can extend it to realize that maybe our bubs are just wired tht way, and that only time will fix it. I know it's cold comfort to those of you going through this right now, but I have been to the depths of despair and back, and now, with four kids aged two to ten, get a decent nights sleep every night (albeit with one or two extras in the bed). There is light at the end of the tunnel.

  12. #38
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    I never slept, and I was diagnoised with ADD (in my early 20s).

    I'm wondering about DS actually.

    He's been lying awake in bed for 2 hours now.

    Some of my earliest memories are of roaming the house in the early hours whilst everyone else was sleeping.

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  14. #39
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    Interesting re add and asd. Ive suspected for a while now that I have add and ive had degrees of insomnia for most of of my memory

  15. #40
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    Will come back to this thread later, but twotrunks, that's super interesting, i'd be anecdotal evidence to that, DS did not sleep more than 40 min intervals at a time, through the night included. Gosh when he was born he was the only darn baby awake the whole time, other mothers had to wake their babies to feed them etc, mine didn't wanna get off the boob 24/7 practically. And he was diagnosed with aspergers last year. He's pretty highly strung when he wants to be, has calmed down a lot now thank goodness. My experience with Ti.zzy Hall methods were not good, all the other mothers at my mum's group raved about it, printed me off pages of 'routines' for me to follow, all it did was work DS up and me up and we were all stressed. I deeply regret it and it definately formed cracks in my relationship with DS that i have tried very hard to rebuild.


 
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