Ourlittleblessing and Babybabycakes, so much love to both of you.
I tried with DS when he was about 20 mths. I had a 6 mth old and was pregnant and had a severe virus.
He was still waking several times a night etc.
Anyway my best friend, who had a p h d in psych ology (sorry just disgusing in case she somehow for SOME REASON googled) had used tizzy etc and she said it will DO NO HARM etc etc.. I really really trust her judgment (or did) so I thought okay. Because I truly felt like I was going to die with the morning sickness and the virus and breastfeeding a 6 mth old (and DS too).
I read him a story then went and left the room. He cried and cried. I went in every 15 min or so to put him in his bed (he was the door). The desperate sobs! Finally he fell asleep, his little body at the door.
Even as I tell this it feels like it couldnt have been me who did this.
Anyway I did it for 2 nights. The second night he became hysterical as soon as I got up to leave after story.
My friend later came to stay, and when we were in my room on the comp, DS woke up. My door was shut (usually open for him to come in) and he instantly became *hysterical*. After seeing that, my friend 'got it' and apologised for her advice and I guess pressure for me to sleep train him (NOT blaming her, she was motivated by concern for me etc).
The night after I did the first 'sleep training' or w.e you want to call it, DS was very tentative, uncertain somehow. Not the usual highly confident exuberant child he usually is.
He still doesn't sleep alone well, comes into my bed around 1am and this clearly sucks with two younger kids after him, but it seems to be someting very important to him.
I like cuddling with him too.
I am very ashamed of this. The desperation and abandonment and fear on his face... I did try it because I was desperate and I guess I somehow bought into the whole 'it does no harm' thing.
I night weaned him at 12 mths but I don't feel the guilt about that - that was also really tough, (again I was pregnant, 7 months pregnant) but I held and rocked him and I don't think it was great for him but I think it needed to be done. As it happened his little sister started sleeping through super early and i went back into breastfeeding him during the night when he woke ... night weaned him again at about 16 mths and it was much easier that time.
Anyway I am sorry DS. It is something I just have to carry with me, guilt and shame for hurting him. I guess if there's any benefit it's just the lesson of knowing that it's wrong and that you have to work with your kids not against them.
I do believe you can adjust your kids sleep a little, but there are ways to do it gently and with them, without fear. (ie move to sitting on their bed from lying down with them, or whatever). Or just wait it out.... nobody sleeps badly forever.
Regarding Misschief post, what is attached parenting i saw it somewhere else as well and im not sure what it means, if someone could please tell me i would really appreciate it.
HUGS to you too, Mrs Nietzsche
There's a section on BH called 'Attachment Parenting' - it might be helpful to read some threads in there, and start some threads of your own for more information
I remember lying in the dark in my bed listening to DS1 scream and scream and scream.
I literally could not go and comfort him as I was so angry I would have hurt him.
I was filled with anger toward him for screaming, for not sleeping.
I remember now that he actually couldn't hold eye contact with me, he knew that I had emotionally abandoned him.
I was terrified of creating "habits" and this was reinforced by one particular sleep school I went too.
We would watch him through a window - hysterical. Every ounce of my being was telling me to go in and scoop him up.
I had NO faith in myself, I was depresssed and didn't believe that MY instincts could possibly be right.
I had huge bonding issues with him from 6-12 months and I believe that this has affected our relationship now.
Especially since having my next two babies and realising what he and I missed out on...
Even now I have trouble connecting with him on an emotional level.
Oh, FOBS, I'm sorry.
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