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  1. #1
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    Unhappy Get yourself a cuppa before reading its a long one!

    Ugh where do i start

    Im sorry if this is in the wrong place, but i need some help. My husband has moved to Brisbane to work as there is no work up here, so i am here on my own we brought our house in 08 and married in 09 we have been TTC for almost 5 years now.

    He moved to Brisbane Oct last year and we had a thing that he would call me whenever he could but we would always make time to use skype everynight. for the 1st week it was ok we skyped everynight and he texted me everyday just to say how much he loved me.

    We also said that he would come home atleast once a month. Since Oct last year i have seen him 2 days at Xmas and 4 days easter. So in 6 months i have seen him for 6 days. Brisbane is only 5 hours away.

    He now only calls me on a tuesday, no texts no replies to my texts, no other phone calls, no return phone calls and when i get mad at him he says he was too busy working. So i told him to call me when he is sitting on the toilet then hehe.

    I am so unhappy i have no family here at all and i work 6 days a week. So its hard to keep good friends. I have no one to talk to about this and i just dont know what to do. I took him to the train at 1am this morning and i didnt even cry, i dont know who this person is that was in my house anymore. He didnt touch me once FFS you would think that if you have not seen your wife since Xmas i would have to beat him off with a stick... Well i got nothing and trust me i tried..

    We have our house that we brought but omg it needs so much doing on it, i have my mum and stepdad coming up next friday to help me with most of it then that will be one thing off my mind...

    I think i want a divorce, i dont know this person. He kept saying he loved me but i dont know if i love him i just dont feel the connection anymore.. I knew that long distance relationships are hard but i never knew it would put the spark out altogether

    We dont talk about anything for the last 4 days he just sat on the lounge watching DVD's....Boring!

    I dont mind if no one replies because this is so loooong and probably boring, im just so stuck what am i going to do? I am so sick of fighting about sex. Im so confused and listening to country music doesnt help with the crying, sigh.

    I feel so silly i know he cares about me, and im not getting asulted. How do you make a relationship work if your mate is 5 hours away living with his family ugh dont get me started on that one (it needs a wine not a coffee)

    Maybe i should just suck it up and appreciate that my husband has moved to another town to help us make our house payments...Grrrrr im so confused.

    Ok im stopping now before RSI kicks in..Thanks for reading!

  2. #2
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    I am not sure what to say.. but just follow your heart.

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    Cazza1981  (26-04-2011)

  4. #3
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    Hi! Huge hugs!!! It sounds like a difficult situation to be in. I'll write more when I get a chance.

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    Cazza1981  (26-04-2011)

  6. #4
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    Yikes!! 6 days in 6 months...?
    First if all (((hugs))) you sound absolutely fed up and exhausted and for that I am sorry.
    However truth be told, your whole situation sounds really concerning. You need to make a decision whether you want this marriage to survive or not because the way it's going, it's not going too.
    I would be demanding he return home. I know it's probably not that easy but no house is worth your entire marriage.
    He sounds completely unplugged ad disconnected and it breaks my heart that you weren't even paid attention too when he came home.
    5 hours is really not that much... I've seen my brother who is 20 hours away more than the in the last 6 months.
    I'd be doing some serious soul searching and deciding whether this is really what you want or not. This is
    NOT a marriage.
    Strength to you.

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    Cazza1981  (26-04-2011),Izy  (31-12-2011)

  8. #5
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    MMMmmm

    I think that bothering to see your wife twice in 6 months when you are only five hours away is very lazy and basically it sounds like he also does not feel the conection to you either.

    I think that if he came up and watched dvds for four days and did not initiate sex with you when he hasn't seen you since xmas is also worrying.

    It's all well and good for someone to work away for a while to get extra money for the family but when it impacts so negatively on the family you have to ask yourself is it worth it?

    I think you def need to talk about it asap either in person or write a letter stating that you hate the way things are.

    Is it possible he is seeing someone else? I hesitate to ask but it COULD be a posible explanation for his real reluctance to see you etc.

    I really hope you work it out..

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    Cazza1981  (26-04-2011)

  10. #6
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    That's not a marriage hardly talking and only seeing each other six days in six months and then no intimacy when he was there... I would be crushed how would you feel if this went on for ten years? I'm sorry you're in this position but I'm sure that it's not how you planned your future together when you got married. Sending massive hugs for the huge descisions ahead of you.

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    Cazza1981  (26-04-2011),Izy  (31-12-2011)

  12. #7
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    Hugs.

    Where are you located?

    I would have a big talk to him & see how he feels then make up your decision
    You need to be happy & this situation doesn't!

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    Cazza1981  (26-04-2011)

  14. #8
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    I haven't been seperated from my husband since we got married, but when we were just dating he lived 4 1/2 hours away from me and it was hell. we were new to our relationship so he was still trying to impress me so it may be a little different but this is what we did to keep a spark in our relationship and keep things interesting.

    We would reguarly send photos of ourselves to each other- it didn't have to be 'those' sort of photos, just a photo here and there of us (the most common i got was my DH being an idiot like pulling faces at the camera).

    We had a book each that we would write in atleast once a week, it had to be something other then just the day to day stuff... some of the stuff we wrote were our hopes/dreams for the future (including our dreams of what our kids would be like in the future, even though we didnt have any then), we wrote sex dreams we had in it to (this was pretty good way of keeping it interesting and also seeing what each other wanted).

    We also made a time where we would talk and no matter how we felt we stuck to it.

    The final thing that we did was once a fortnight we would meet up and spend time together, if we watched a movie it was one movie and then the rest of the time we would do something else together, most of the time it was simple things like just going for walks on the beach or talking over dinner etc... nothing special.

    It's really hard to keep a long distance relationship together, interesting and the spark there, does your husband know how you are feeling? it's so easy to forget about the other person or their feelings when your not happy with your situation (eg not happy with having to work so far away from you).

    Have a chat to him about how your feeling, tell him your feeling forgotten and ignored, dont do it as though you are having a go at him or he will tune you out or get defensive and see what happens, if your still feeling like you want a divorce then be honest with him and tell him you feel like your growing apart and that if things dont change then thats the way you feel your relationship is headed.

    good luck hun, i hope that your able to get through this, what ever way it turns out.

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    backgroundnoise  (27-04-2011),Cazza1981  (26-04-2011)

  16. #9
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    Thinking same thing sunnyflower but didn't want to say

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    Cazza1981  (26-04-2011)

  18. #10
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    Wow, does the guy not sleep or something? If he can find time to sleep, I'm sure he can call you before he goes to bed?

    Things certainly aren't right, and I would be seriously talking to him about how ridiculous this has turned out to be, and that you can not do it any more so its either he comes back/you go there or divorce.

    Sent from my HTC Desire using Bubhub

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    Cazza1981  (26-04-2011)


 

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