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  1. #11
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    Wow I'm with you missyouthful, my mum has done that my whole life but I hadn't heard of a name for it. It took me years to affirm to myself that my childhood did happen the way I remember and even now she will say I imagined something or I'm "obviously more delusional than she thought".

    Don't know if it was the same for anyone else but there has been times where my mum would admit for example the sexual abuse that occured, she would cry and get very remorseful for not doing anything about it, then a week later when I was struggling to deal with it she would say things like "you don't even have any proff that I happened, you probably made it up" or "you need to get help because of your need to lie" lol and the good old favourite "stop making up things that didn't happen and making it sound like your childhood wasn't perfect"
    I just came up with the conclusion that her denial had convinced her she was right because the truth was too hard for her.

    Sorry for the long post! Just got me thinking...

  2. #12
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    How interesting! I've just realised my SIL is a prime example of a 'gaslighter'. WHen DH and I were living overseas she tried it on my mum and dad..... unfortunatley for SIL my folks are very comfortable and confident in themselves so it all ended up turning into a nasty family feud that is still going over a year later.

    The typical gaslighter defies Copernican theory. They think THEY are, in fact, the center of the universe. In reality, this blustery bravado masks rampant insecurity. Inside, they’re just scared little boys and girls , very much afraid to be hurt, yet they think they’re too smart, too superior to actually feel the pain they’ve so deeply buried.
    from
    http://lauriekendrick.wordpress.com/...f-gaslighting/
    describes SIL perfectly. Poor SIL my heart bleeds. NOT!!!

    I also must add there are some things that my folks did when I was young that effected me in differing was that they cannot remember, I dont believe for one second that they are 'gaslighting' me, more due to the fact that tey had 3 children a business to run, money to make and a life to live and simply dont remember every single interaction they had with me..... just a thought....

  3. #13
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    Deleted
    Last edited by Guest1234; 15-01-2012 at 11:15.

  4. #14
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    Azurial, I agree totally about some parents being unable to recite every memory etc. I think we all recall things the way "we" remember them which has a lot to do with perspective.

    But some things are unforgettable. For example my mum voluntarily put me in foster care at aged 11, she took me to centrelink and said "I don't want her, where can I put her?" I was in care for 4 months. This was 11 years ago, still to this day my mum tells me I made it up lol at times she admits it but will say it was only a week or a month etc. But she told me for years when I tried to talk about it that I was imagining things. I had such bad self esteem I started to beleive her. It's a terrible feeling to doubt your sanity at 12 13 and even 20 years old.

  5. #15
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    Quote Originally Posted by melnmar View Post
    Azurial, I agree totally about some parents being unable to recite every memory etc. I think we all recall things the way "we" remember them which has a lot to do with perspective.

    But some things are unforgettable. For example my mum voluntarily put me in foster care at aged 11, she took me to centrelink and said "I don't want her, where can I put her?" I was in care for 4 months. This was 11 years ago, still to this day my mum tells me I made it up lol at times she admits it but will say it was only a week or a month etc. But she told me for years when I tried to talk about it that I was imagining things. I had such bad self esteem I started to beleive her. It's a terrible feeling to doubt your sanity at 12 13 and even 20 years old.
    Exactly this


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  6. #16
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    Wow mel.... How absolutely horrible for you & missY... That is just so sad .. Like she knows somewhere in her mind that she said it to both of you, but yet denies it until the cows come home...




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  7. #17
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    Oh wow, I've never heard of it! I have a friend who gets confused, like she will remember something but she won't remember *who* it is, like she thought I got drunk one night and we walked back to her house and I stopped to pee in the middle of the road. For a long time she thought it was me, turns out it was another friend of ours. we are all very close, and it wouldn't be unlike me to get drunk and pee wherever at that age, but I have never stopped in the middle of a road, particularly in her part of town. It's not that she was making it up, it's that she'd forgotten which friend she was with at the time. That's the closest thing I've had happen like that, but very very different too.

  8. #18
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    Quote Originally Posted by Azurial View Post
    Omg - this is EXACTLY like mil!!!!!!! Wow - eye opener!

    She will often say thinks to DP like.. Oh your IQ doesn't even pass your shoe size... She constantly makes things seem worse then they are, and she compulsively makes things up.... But when ever DP brings up bad things from his childhood, she starts convincing him he had the best childhood and got everything he wanted, she was the best mother and everything was peachy. Not true.

    DPs attitude and manner today show how he was treated, and I think it was far from peachy.

    ... Wow. Just.... Wow.

    Her latest is.. DP put a vid of his little bro operating a bobcat at our house on the weekend on facebook (they have an excavation business and have grown up around it their whole life...) & some how it got back to mil and she went nuts. (dps little sis was adopted from os) Apparently international authorities are going to hack his fb to check up on her and see that vid and take all the kids off her because it's so bad. & she is also going to the solicitors to put in a thing to stop DP ever seeing his brothers and sis again....
    DP was desperately heartbroken about this, she is SO irrational... And then she called the next day as if nothing ever happened...? I bumped into her at the shop and she was normal completely fine...?





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  9. #19
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    Gosh puffin I feel for your dp! It is a rollercoaster with people that act that way. I've been suprised to read so many similiar stories to my own since being on bubhub.
    The positive is people can share these types of things and it hopefully helps other people with their own "stuff".

  10. #20
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    That's so true..

    So how do you deal with it..? Do you avoid your family? How do you put up with the things they say?

    It's hard for DP because he is in the family business so can't really avoid her. although he has tried many times she sucks him back in.......


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  1. Gaslighting - an thoughtful article
    By WorkingClassMum in forum General Chat
    Replies: 19
    Last Post: 10-01-2012, 19:01

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