**Calling all Adelaide ART/IVF ladies - Thread 14**

[lilybaby]

Oh Livvy, I'm so sorry it really is the worst feeling in the world. Use this weekend to rant at the world, drink lots of alcochol (if you drink) and do all the things you shouldnt. It doesnt really help because only being utd would really help but just know that we understand what you're going through.
I'm still feeling tender myself so I do totally get it. Take care of yourself hun.

[Livvyloo]

lilybaby - thanks hun.. i just dont know what to do. I was hysterical when i found out.. i just can't believe it. There's nothing WRONG with us, we're young, healthy and fit.. we have no "infertility factors" other than the fact that we haven't got pregnant for no apparent reason, I don't understand why this isn't working. What if last month was the one shot I was ever going to get at a BFP and it was ripped away from me??

I feel like this isn't ever going to work, if it was going to work.. wouldn't it have worked by now???

I'm currently drinking a coffee.. which i had given up during IVF cycles.. it was the first thing I turned to.. bit sad really. We're considering going away for the rest of the weekend to get a bit of a break from it all, take some drinks and just.. escape.

I just.. can't stop crying.

[lilybaby]

Livvy - enjoy your coffee. I did that too on Wednesday, the 1st real coffee I've had in over 2 years!
The doubts are completely normal, we all get them but try to hold onto the fact that it happened once and IT WILL happen again.
I think getting away for the weekend with DH is a great idea. Maybe somewhere with a nice deserted beach so you can either sit and look at the waves or go for a walk together. Make it a special time just for the 2 of you.
It certainly doesnt get any easier but I just keep thinking that if we keep putting back our perfect little embryos then one has to stick eventually. Statistically they would just HAVE TO!
I cant say anything that will really help because it absolutely sucks that any of us have to go through so much to achieve our dreams of being a Mum, but it will happen for us. Even in my depths of despair I refuse to believe that I wont oneday be a Mum to 1 (or 2) beautiful children. Just hold onto that dream at the moment while you are having to deal with your horrible news.
Take care xx

[second baby not so easy]

Livvy- sending u hugs, im soo sorry it didnt work for u this time. Ttc is so unfair and its the unknown.

[lilybaby]

2ndbaby- congrats on being pupo with 2 little embies. I hope that 1 (or both) are the lucky ones for you. Good luck. I hope you also get some frosties, but with any luck they wont be needed.
Wishingonastar - Hi, another Moomba wife! My gorgeous man is also on the 2 and 2. He was on the 2 home but 4 away a few years ago as well so this is so much nicer. We’ve been together 7 years and he has always worked away the whole time so it’s all we’ve known and you just get used to it. Totally sucks when he’s always away for my results though, he feels so helpless but we don’t get a choice cos he has to be here for epu to do his bit and can’t be here for both. Makes the ttc journey that bit tougher as I’m sure you’d understand.
Good luck for your 2ww, and yey to be on your last needle tonight – hope it’s the lucky last for you!
WARNING – Huge “me” post coming up -
Afm, it has been such a mixed bag of emotions the past 24 hours. I had my follow up appt yesterday and left feeling really good. Apparently the 2 embies that went in were really good quality (grade 2 out of a possible 1 – 4) KT said that 2 was really good and that only 10% of all embies collected are ever grade 1 so don’t worry that it’s grade 2 and that 90% of their pregnancies come from grade 1 and 2. So that was a plus. He said I could take Saizen (growth hormone) to improve my quality further for my next cycle if I wanted to but he wasn’t for or against it because my embryo quality is actually ok anyway so it was completely up to me, said basically it might help and definitely wont hurt but will add $600 to the cycle so totally my choice. I’m undecided at the moment but prob have to decide soon. We’ll also be going straight into an antagonist cycle with my next af to try to take advantage of my lining still being (hopefully) free of the adenomyosis after just doing a long, long down reg. BUT if it doesn’t work next month it will HAVE to be a 6 month long down suppression before we try again. That is the bit that scares me so, so, so much. I mentioned that I’m worried about my eggs and my age and he said that ok we could do a couple antagonists in a row to just collect embryos and freeze them all but if it doesn’t work next time he doesn’t want to put more embryos back without a 6 month suppression because my adenomyosis is just too severe and a long break is the only way to fix it. So I have everything crossed that the antagonist (which will be my 1st doing that cycle) will be lucky for me. After this weekend its back onto healthy fruit, veg and exercise to get ready for my next cycle. (Will also have another MRI if the antagonist doesn’t work to see how bad the adenomyosis is again & how much its grown back)
Has anyone used saizen and if so did you think it was worth it? Mummyagain I have a feeling that you might have used it? Honestly the cost doesn’t bother me at all, I just want to know if it might make a difference? I have a feeling I’m going to ring Monday and just say I want it anyway regardless.
Also, I had horrendous news last night. My very close friend of 17 years lost her 22 year old son last night. They don’t know how he died, there will have to be an autopsy because it’s an unexplained death. My heart just breaks for her. How do you ever get over something like that. She lives in the country so I’ll have to drive up to see her next weekend, I’m not sure if I can get to the funeral because I have another procedure that KT has ordered for me which will be next Friday and that is when she thinks the funeral is likely to be (depending on the autopsy of course). I feel so awful, the only thing that makes me feel slightly better is that she has so many people around her right now so hopefully I can be with her in a week or so when some of the other people have gone home. I just feel so guilty though.
The other procedure that KT ordered that I’m doing next Friday is called a lipiodol flush. Basically they are flushing out your uterus with iodine which gives it a good clean and also fixes any bacteria or inflammation. They don’t know why but it can sometimes help with implantation and spontaneous pregnancy in women with endo – so definitely worth a go. They’ll only do it between day 7 and 10 of your cycle though, so if I dont do it next week I cant do my next cycle when I get my next AF.
Sorry for the long post. Thank you for reading. P.S On top of everything else I’ve also developed a fullblown cold – cough, blocked up etc. Wonder if it’s because I’ve been on steroids which have suppressed my immune system? Next month just has to be a better month for me and my friends, becaue March/April has totally sucked so far.

[LulusMum]

Lily - glad your appt went well. I woudl go the saizen, if just to add something new in each cycle to see if it makes a difference. Good to hear you can do a quick antag cycle - hopefully this is also a key to getting you knocked up! That procedure does not sound pleasant at all - do you have sedation for it? As for your friend and her son, OMG, im so sorry, and no, you would never get over it. I think the only thing worse than being'infertile' and not beoing able to get pregnant, would be to have a child and have them ripped away - as a mother, its just inconceivable. I hoep you can somehow make it to the funeral, she will need everyone she can get right now to get her through

Livvy - sorry about your neg results. Hoping you managed to get away with DH for some down time. It will happen eventually. I get you have done 3 cycles but in IVF land FET's dont count toward the 'most women pregnant by 3rd cycle' theory. The fact that you have been pregnant before counts as huge plus, your body knows what it has to do, now it just needs the perfect emby to complete the picture. I know what it feels like to think it will never happen, that its all hopeless and a waste of time, but it will be the last thing on your mind when you hold your bub for the first time

[Andi1234]

Livvy - I'm SO SO sorry to hear you received the bad news today you so didn't want. I've been out all day today at a friends hen's day and thought about you quite a few times wondering how you went. I've only just logged on for the first time today to read your sad news. I know today you will be feeling devastated and like this will never work our for you but I hope that over the next few days once you digest what has happend you will start to realise that you have plenty of hope and chances for next time. My thoughts are with you today.Take care of yourself xxxx

Lily - my friend took the saizen on her 5th IVF cycle recently and got pregnant on that cycle.She is positive that it made all the difference to her. She had the killer cells and also Adno and low egg count so was amazed with the result. I think do it! I've been thinking of asking to go on it too if this cycle doesn't work out for us. That's really interesting what KT has discussed with you. I think I will be asking to see him if this cycle doesn't work out and would like to take a similar approach to you, a quick cycle after the long supression I have been on for this cycle. Good to hear that he is open to trying new things.

Second-congrats on PUPO! YAY

AFM - have spent the day at McLaren Vale for a lovely lunch to celebrate a friends hen's day. Didn't drink all day which is very hard to disguise when in a winery region! Luckily a few close friends know that we are doing IVF so did bug me about it and all the others just didn't say anything. i really hope all these sacrifices are for good reason. The things we do eh....

[moomechanic]

Oh Livvy big hugs!!! Xx

[lilybaby]

Lulusmum & Andi - you've convinced me, I'm ringing on Monday to ask for the saizen. Thank you

Also, Andi - you ignored all of that beautiful wine today for a lovely reason. , I have everything crossed for you.

[Andi1234]

Lily - I know!!! We spent a few hours at Paxton winery (one of my favourites) and I didn't touch a drop!
Actually, I'm really getting good vibes about this cycle, my boobs have got sorer and sorer the last couple of days and yesterday DH and a close friend told me they looked big... i thought i was imagining it until they validated it! This morning I've woken up feeling a little queezy in the tummy. I had all these early symptoms when I fell pregnant last time so . I just hope it's not the crinone giving me false symptoms.
I'm glad we've convinced you to talk to KT about the saizen. I hope this is exactly what you needed to get the lilttle emby to stick.