Digby, I am so so sorry to hear you are going thru this. Apart from the having another child bit, I feel you are walking in my shoes! Like you, DH tells me he will help, but he tries to palm DS off to me when I'm around, take the dog for long walks (which I know means it's another job I don't have to do but I'm the one stuck at home!), he NEVER gets up in the middle of the night, instead saying things in the morning like "he slept well didn't he" - umm, no he was up 4 times, I just kept it quiet for you and you stayed asleep....or he'll get up in the morning with DS and then come and get me cos he's hungry, and wont take a bl00dy bottle! For the first few weeks he got up to do a night feed, but at the same time I had to express so was up anyway, and even when I chose not to express (ouch!) he made so much noise or left DS crying while he went to the loo, warmed bottle, etc, that he was no help to me anyway as I couldn't sleep! As he's a shift worker I've spent the past week on my own as he's been working nights and days non stop. I certainly have had a taste of 'single mothering'. It also isn't helping our marriage, not that he's affected so much, but the way it makes me feel toward him that I do EVERYTHING for DS!
That married with sleepless nights, and the fact that we had a few other things going on, was what prompted me to seek out some help, and as a result went to TH. This was to help me with DS' sleep, but also to give me a break mentally and some support. I guess the moral of the story is, don't try and do it alone. Contact your CYH nurse and get in for a day service for sleep problems, and then tell them you want to go to TH and get them to do a referral. Keep ringing them and telling them you're at breaking point and they will push the referral a bit quicker. Also, if you're having feeding issues, you will go quicker, as they really want people to keep b/f (so you could use this to get there quicker). I am really pro this, as it helped me immensely. The social worker was 'ok' but I found it mch more helpful being able to talk to other mothers and having a m/w on hand 24/7 to help me when DS got the better of me, and ESPECIALLY during the night. Unfortunately PHL is only open from 7.15 am to 9.15 pm so during the night when you really need to talk to someone, no-one is there
Feel free to PM me if you want to chat, and I will send you my mobile number on here or FB.
Re TH, I know you will be worried about DD. but it's great because husbands/partners and children are allowed to join you for all meals if you want, they can visit anytime, and DH can even stay if you want him to (I suggest at least one night so he can learn to settle Z also). Please don't go it alone. I know what it's like to struggle, am still having some sh1tty nights now, and believe me it is almost impossible to function properly. I personally would nap when you can, but sometimes I find it more relaxing to seize the moment and have a nice long hot shower, as I find I generally dont sleep when DS sleeps, as I am too wound up (emotionally) to relax!
hugs to you xxxxx