It is almost 11 and I'm still here.

[Sad Mummy]

I have spent the whole morning trying my best not to drop my children at a friends place so I can die. Well It is almost 11 and I am still here. Still fighting the urge.
The thing that's stopping me, well, it's DD she is at school at the moment and I keep thinking how horrible it would be for her to come home with no Mummy.
I have to distract myself until 2. At 2 I take the boys to the toy library. I know it doesn't sound like much. But I will be able to relax there, well hopefully, and then maybe I wont feel so bad.
I do know this will pass, I've been here before, but, well, today it really feels like it is neverending.
I want out. But I also want to see my babies grow up. I am so confused. I made an urgent appointment with my counsellor, mentioned how I was feeling and I still can't get in until the 11th of next month.

So today, to cope, I have screamed at the top of my lungs, banged my head, scratched my arm, cried, swore and cuddled my boys.
I have so much housework to do, but I figure I am leaving it for my husband, who insisted on doing the grocery shop so he could avoid having lunch with me today. It also means I will have to take 3 children to an AGM tonight, because he will be late from doing the shopping.
Ok enough of that, I need to keep positive or everything will seem too much.
I'm just so lost at the moment. I need some time to remember who I am and to find out what I want.

[ComeBackKid]

((hugs))

I have been there - do whatever you can to hang there.

Take it hour by hour - minute by minute if you need.

Have you got someone who can come keep you company or even go for a coffee or a walk with?

you could call lifeline if you need. And dont hesistate to go to your local hospital or gp if you need to.

Hang in there

[*babygirl*]

I hope someone can come in and give you the number for a crisis line. I've heard wonderful things about beyond blue. I hope you did the strength to get through the day and to find some some sunshine in your life sending a million hugs!!

[sahm]

Please call lifeline right now. 13 11 14.

Things can get better, they really can. Please call someone.

[Jakois]

Lifeline - 13 11 44

Please give them a call. They are fantasitc.

I really feel for you.

Is there anyone close by that an come to sit with you for a while?

[summastarlet]

Please call Lifelines crisis line on 13 11 14. This number is available 24/7.

Sending you lots of

Please don't give up. Please talk to someone about how you are feeling.

[CazHazKidz]

where abouts are you? I think you need someone to come to you and be with you as soon as possible.

[FloatingFairy]

Awww big big hugs!

I've absolutely no idea what your going through or why, but please don't die that makes me want to cry...oh look that rhymes

You need to find happy positive distractions...find something to laugh about - a funny movie, a funny book, sit through photos of your beautiful babies and remember that to them, YOU ARE THE MOST IMPORTANT PERSON IN THE WORLD.

If you feel like getting things off your chest, go for it But please keep yourself happy.

Things may look bleak and even though I dont know you or know what you're going through, things will always get better! Sometimes it takes more time and hard work but your life can always get better. You only get one chance at THIS life - make the most of it!!

[Girl X]

I don't know your situation at all, but I just wanted to give you lots of these

From the sounds of things you are a very strong person - more so than perhaps you think.

I hope you have called the Lifeline number, or at least called someone to come and be with you right now.

Hold on to those thoughts about watching your children grow up. This time will pass.

[Sad Mummy]

I called my mum and my friend, who are both out of town today. I've been busy with DS2 who hasn't stopped crying today. He seems to have finally gone to sleep, and DS1 has woken.
I do have a plan, everything but a time.
I don't want my kids to find me.