Expressing woes

[Joey3]

Hi ladies,
I don't mean this to be a big whinge session.
We had no luck with breastfeeding. I saw 3 different lactaction consultants and persisted and persisted but my little girl had trouble latching on (big breasts) and when she did it wouldn't last and she'd fall asleep soon after. She lost too much weight so I began expressing.

3 months later, my wrists and elbows are killing me and I've had to start physio to get some relief. I own an electronic pump (the Avent Isis) but I am in a lot of pain from holding the machine, holding my breasts in such a way that the milk comes out best and from slightly hunching so the milk flows into the bottle better. I feel more stiff than I did at the end of my pregnancy and I'm in the process of throwing in the towel. But the guilt plagues me.

We can only breastfeed with a shield and it doesn't last too long. I enjoy it when we do but I certainly can't rely on it being her only food source. She simply doesn't drain my breasts or come close and gets fussy after a while and annoyed (because of my breast being on her. It must be heavy) after a while. I've also been getting blocked ducts but most breastfeeders get those I suppose.

In the last few days I've begun the process of weaning her. I've cut down one of my pumpings and have introduced formula and have already noticed my milk has dwindled. Part of me is relieved and part of me is down. I think I am after validation for my decision. I'm so pleased that no one has told me to just 'keep going'. I understand that breastmilk is the ideal start for a baby's immune system and I've done my very best under the circumstances. But as you can see, here I am writing to you all, so I'm not at peace with it yet. There's no other answer for us though, is there? My hands and elbows are so sore and weak that I honestly can't lift my daughter properly at the moment. I just want a break

[Mysurprisebaby]

Well done for expressing for 3 months! That's a massive commitment (expressing is hard!) and your baby has already benefitted hugely. There's no shame in giving it up, you have to do what's best for you as well!

[Daydream Believer]

I agree! Thats such a commitment. I hate having to clean and steralise the pump 6 times a day! It's just monotonous and frustrating! A calm, happy and relaxed mum is just as important as breast milk. And every drop of breastmilk helps! I'm about to go down this path, I think. My supply is just breaking it's neck to shut down altogether. I'm even losing it while taking motillium 3 times a day. I'm going to give myself permission to top up with formula, which will mean two things, happy bub, and my supply will most certainly start a downward spiral.

Ultimately, it's better to say, 'this is my choice, ad it's best for baby, and best for me' that to continue something that your instincts tell you is not working.

Just a thought, have you tried feeding lying down? I've got big boobies, and I find this is great, especially first thing in the morning when the boobs are big and hard. And also, no booby would be resting on her. This might be an option for your first feed of the day until you stop altogether? My ds still had this feed for 2 months after he became a formula fed bub.

You're an awesome mum, who did a wonderful thing, and the guilt just means you really care, and want what's best

[Joey3]

Wow thanks for the support, ladies! You have both made me feel so much better. Thank you for taking the time to help me.

[lemonpancakes]

I switched to formula at 6 weeks and I remember feeling such mixed feelings before I made the final decision to wean. I knew how important breastmilk was for DD but we had been struggling since Day 1 and were both having a horrible time. Once I actually made the decision and switched I stopped feeling guilty because there were no more tears from either of us, she was full and happy, I had time to cuddle her rather than being attached to and cleaning a pump for hours every day. It was great! Still is. She's 3 months old now and a happy, healthy bub. And I'm much happier too. Well done on getting this far! No matter what you do you're a great mum for caring so much. Feeding is only one part of motherhood too remember . Good luck!

[Baldie's Mum]

I think you have done a great job. Seriously!!!!!! I swapped my son to formula at 13 weeks. As soon as my milk dried up, I stopped crying, I stopped wanting to let him starve and I became happy to be a mum. If we have anymore kids, they will be on the bottle from the get go! Sometimes bf isn't the best.