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  1. #81
    bellalika's Avatar
    bellalika is offline I'm trying my hardest, please don't ask for more.
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    Thank you for your posts everyone. I've often felt that I am less than what my kids (and hubby) deserve and that I am sure that I could do better if I would try harder.

    I don't want to spill my shameful secrets, although many of them are similar to some of those many of you willingly share with me and others. I just wanted to say thank you for, at this moment, making me feel a little more average.

  2. #82
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    ** oops I meant "upsetting DS2 and DD terribly" in my post above** can't edit from my phone

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  3. #83
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    FearlessLeader is offline Winner 2013 - Most Memorable Thread
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    Quote Originally Posted by saltygirl View Post
    This thread is great...
    I feel like a total failure as a mum :'(
    DS1 has totally rejected me... he is 11 and lives with his father. His father and I are divorced (been 4 years now) and since we split up DS1 has rejected me, told an unbelievable amount of lies about me to his father (DS2 and DD tell their dad that DS1 is lying, but their father won't believe them, instead believing the lies )
    DS1 has ADHD and he is very difficult to handle... I have never mistreated him, but I have gotten to breaking point several times where I have had to run to my room to cry.
    He would keep DS2 and DD awake at night singing songs about how much he hated me and how much I suck and how he only loves his Dad - upsetting DS1 and DD terribly.
    His father has repartnered and DS1 now (with his father's approval) calls his step mother Mum and me by my name.
    I hate that there is a part of me that is relieved I no longer have to deal with his behaviour, his need to disrupt and destroy things and his lies anymore.
    I am devastated that he has rejected me like this, it breaks my heart, but there is another part of me (and I hate this part) that thinks "well f... you too! I hope you have a child just like you when you grow up, and I hope they do the same thing to you!" I love him so much, but I find it so hard to even like him right now. :'( I hate that I don't miss him at all now he has refused to come here, and that it feels more like we are a family when he is not here. I also hate that my DH and I are ttc a child together and there is this part of me that thinks "oh well, I'll just have another baby".
    It is good to read everyone's posts here, and to know I'm not the only one with problems and shame, but I swear, I feel like the worst mother out there

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    This just broke my heart

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  5. #84
    MyFourCubs's Avatar
    MyFourCubs is offline MyThreeCubs plus one- I am the luckiest Mum in the world...
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    MunchiesMummy OMG I completley and totally relate I thought I clicked on your post to quote you but I must of stuffed it up. Did you read my earlier post? Soooo similar. Oh it's so lovely to know we are not alone!!!!!!

    Nomsie I hope you didn't think I was implying your DS has autism from my earlier post???? I didn't mean that for one moment. Many babies cry all day- mine just happened to have autism.

    Quote Originally Posted by kar View Post
    My biggest shame is that I just really don't cope well with the crying/screaming. I honestly understand how shaken baby happens. I do feel angry and frustrated when I can't soothe the crying. And then feel so guilty about not being compassionate toward this tiny helpless baby.
    I think it stems from my DS who screamed for 5 months. Pretty much non stop. Now when my precious tiny DD screams it's like I have a flashback or something and my anxiety levels just skyrocket and I just want it to stop.
    Oh, hun I hear you on that one. Ollie doesn't cry much but when he does for any kind of prolonged period I start to panic, especially if we are in a public place. I DO have flashbacks!! It's not fair on him- he cries so rarely compared to his brother, I shouldn't get angry on the rare occassion he loses it but it takes me straight back to that awful place with Ds1..... I actually yelled at Ollie a few weeks ago. I YELLED at him. OMG I am crying now, I haven't admitted that to anybody, my precious little boy and I yelled at him because he wouldn't stop crying. Oh dear God I just want to run and hide somewhere. I only did it once and it was because I was trying to get everybody out the door and he wouldn't stop screaming and I just yelled at him to stop. I am SO awful.

    Quote Originally Posted by ICanDream View Post
    I feel completely and utterly useless, I don't seem to know how to deal with my own children. I try to set the boundaries and stick to them but he pushes me so far that I end up giving in after telling him he's being selfish and difficult and I can't put up with hearing him talk and whinge at me. DD is so clingy still that I just want her to leave me alone - I put a gate across our kitchen a month ago as I needed somewhere that was just for me without worrying who was getting in to what.

    I love my children, I really do. But I feel like I constantly fail them and make them miserable and myself at the same time!
    I can sooo relate to this one. I feel I get ganged up on by my 4 and 5 year olds. I tell them repeatedly to do or not to do something and they look at one another and do the complete opposite of what I've said. I constantly feel like I have no control. In public it's the most obvious, I am so conscious that everybody is staring at me and judging me because I can't "control" my children. Yes my Ds1 has autism but my dd just copies his behaviour and while he may genuinely not comprehend somehting I say, she comprehends perfectly bloody well she just chooses to ignore me. I get anxiety attacks about taking them out in public together.

    Quote Originally Posted by naebie View Post
    At times I feel like I don't want to have to "Deal" with this child for the rest of my life... Why did I do this, what good is a child.

    I'm sure I have some depression issues, but I am too proud/ scared to admit it, and when I have asked for help from my DP/ mum (saying I felt like I wanted to just curl up and die) they both fobbed it off, told me I was being silly and to suck it up. That was almost a year ago, and I haven't done anything about it....
    sweetie. Very normal, especially with a first child. I often look around and think, "what the hell has become of my life??????" I LOVE all mychildren, more than anything , I don't regret any of them but I often feel out of my depth and completely overwhelmed by my life.

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  7. #85
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    The thing is, I have really close bonds with DS2 and DD, and I don't feel like a bad mum with them... It's just DS1 :'(
    I really don't understand why DS1 has rejected me like this, I don't single him out or pick on him or anything.
    It hurts so much that he has replaced me. Some will say, oh he hasn't done that, you are his mum and he knows that. But the fact that he is calling someone else Mum and refers to me by my name says otherwise :'(

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    Saltygirl .. Omg I am so sorry you have to deal with that, must be so heartbreaking .. I want to cry for you!

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    As a brand new mum I just want to thank you all for sharing your stories. I have already had a moment of 'what the hell were we thinking having a baby' but knowing that it is actually pretty normal makes me feel a lot better! (Sleep helps too!)

  10. #88
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    It also breaks my heart to think that when my DH and I have a baby, the baby will have an older brother out there that he/she never really sees, never really gets to know

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    My shame as a mum, is that it's all I am.

    I'm a crap wife, a crap person - a good mum? Hmm.. I like to tell myself I am, but if he's growing up seeing me being so useless as a person, then am I really a good mum?

    I feel like I'm using him. Before him, I was nothing. Now I'm Hayden's mum, and it's all I've ever wanted to be. He's all I think about, all I talk about. Check my facebook, every single status update is about Hayden or Miki. Photos, videos, it's never ending. All my friends are either family, or people from here. They're all there to see Hayden.

    I am very concerned that my babies will grow up believing that mummy is nothing without them.

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    Quote Originally Posted by MissYouthful View Post
    I am going through the same feelings at the moment. She annoys me so much easier than anything else can. She talks all. the. time. She cries all. the. time. She is always hungry. She never listens to me. She always talks in a whiney voice. She wakes up more times in the night than her baby sister. I love her, and I miss hee when she isn't around me, but 30 mins after she wakes up and I am already looking forward to bedtime.

    I think it has a lot to do with the terrible 3s. She is so trying and her baby sister is so much easier to handle. I know this phase will pass and I will feel better about things.

    Now, to read the rest of the thread.
    This is me ... My DD's are almost the same age as yours too.

    My guilty secret is that last week I actually whispered to DD2 "you are my favourite child". . When I told my Mum she said "dont worry, I'm sure you'll be saying that to DD1, when DD2 is two and a half". On that same day I actually slapped DD1's bare leg really hard when she kicked me because she didnt want to wear the nappy I'd chosen. I'm so ashamed that I let my frustration levels get so high that I smacked her when in actual fact the kicking wasnt that serious it simply gave me an outlet for my frustrations. I have vowed NOT to smack again, I hate it, I said I'd never do it. 3 months ago I said how much I loved the stage that DD1 was at...now she drives me bonkers and I yell and make threats "if you dont stop doing that we wont be going out this afternoon". I hate it. I hate that DD1 now talks in the same tone of voice and told DD2 last week "if you dont stop crying NOW, you wont be going to the playground". I dont want to be the Mummy who yells or smacks. Everyday I promise myself that I will recognise when the tantrums are about to happen and try and cut them off. Some days I manage and other days I dont (I still yell, havent smacked again thank god). I just keep reminding myself that her behaviour at two and a half is probably a good thing because it means she's hitting her "milestones" exactly as predicted. A bit like teeth, crawling,walking...now its independence.

    I'm only up to page 3 of this thread and find myself nodding my head at so many things other people are saying.
    Last edited by GirlsRock; 18-03-2011 at 22:07. Reason: Found a gramatical error...dont want to upset anyone, so i fixed it.


 

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