+ Reply to Thread
Page 6 of 48 FirstFirst ... 4567816 ... LastLast
Results 51 to 60 of 475
  1. #51
    London's Avatar
    London is offline “I think we're losing our sense of humor instead of being able to relax and laugh at ourselves" - Betty White
    Winner 2012 - BubHubber you'd like to meet IRL
    Winner 2012 - Best Avatar

    Join Date
    Aug 2009
    Location
    Perth
    Posts
    11,392
    Thanks
    1
    Thanked
    4,936
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 postsAmethyst Star - 5,000 postsEmerald Star - 10,000 posts
    I have copy and pasted my original post back in the OP now that more women have come forward. Go, read, judge

  2. #52
    Mod-Nomsie's Avatar
    Mod-Nomsie is offline Administrator
    Winner 2009/10/11/12/13 - Most helpful Moderator
    Winner 2011 - Naughtiest/Cheekiest Mod
    Winner - Quickest 'Thanker' on the Hub
    Join Date
    Oct 2007
    Location
    Vic
    Posts
    23,657
    Thanks
    6,899
    Thanked
    7,026
    Reviews
    3
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 postsAmethyst Star - 5,000 postsEmerald Star - 10,000 postsRuby Star - 15,000 postsDiamond Star - 20,000 posts
    Awards:
    200 Posts in a week100 Posts in a weekBusiest Member of the Week - week ended 15/1/15
    Quote Originally Posted by MyFourCubs View Post
    Oh Nomsie.... I could have written that. I really could and I can't thank you enough for sharing it.

    Alex obviously more so than the others- I recall more than a few times where I "dumped" him in his cot. No, not threw or shook or anything like that but it certainly wasn't gentle. There were certainly times that I yelled at him. My Dh would come home in the evening and I would meet him at the door and throw Alex at him and tell him to take him the hell away. There were multiple times that I would be patting him in my arms and the screaming would still escalate and that pat would become more like a ..... smack. He always was wrapped and it was always through his nappy so I wouldn't have hurt him but it was the lack of control on my part, the anger, the desperation that scared me. I had many seriously awful thoughts of throwing him across the room. (I never did, just to be clear,) but again, it scared the crap out of me. I also recall one day visulaising me suffocating him with a pillow. I HATED myself at that time, I hated who I was becoming. It is a horrible, shameful time in my life that brings tears to my eyes reliving it but as I said in my previous post, sometimes your babies and children are really, really hard to love. A baby who screams at you for hours, who deprievs you of sleep, who proceeds to take all your enjoyement out of life, is almost the equivalent of repeat punches to the face. You only take so much before you snap.

    Luckily I never hurt him, I thought seriously about throwing myself off a cliff on more than one occassion though. What an awful, awful time.

    I also have days when I shamefully love one hild more than another although I would never admit it outloud. I do love ALL of them, I really do, but some days I definaetly FAVOUR one more than another..........
    And guess what? I could have written your post! My boys are only 2.5, so there is nothing pointed at a dx for anything like ADHD, ADD, et al. And I'm not concerned about that either... but yes- B can be hard to love. But even as I'm typing this, I'm thinking to myself about his gorgeous smile and generous laugh and I'm wondering "What's so hard about loving this little miracle? " But in reality I know he can be a real monster... hitting and kicking and pulling L's face just because he can. Getting into places he shouldn't. Refusing affection etc. And then I think that maybe it's not just the way he is, maybe he needsa change of diet.. but here's another guilty shame- I'm too lazy to do anything about it at this stage. I work. And if I'm not at work, then I'm spending time with then or running my WAHM business. I just don't have the time to go through a whole elimination process and then spend over an hour at the supermarket reading labels. So yeah.. horrible mum here again.

    Quote Originally Posted by myhusbandswife View Post
    Mine is stupid because there is nothing that could have changed it.

    I am filled with guilt that eats me up inside everyday. I blame myself for my kids hearing loss. Its a genetic thing so its my genes that caused it. Im scared to have a 3rd baby because i dont want it to happen again

    It seems so stupid when i type it out. Ive never told anyone about it either. Its stupid because its such a minor disability to get so upset about.

    Big hugs to everyone
    I don't think anything is stupid to get upset about. I get upset because B up until very recently had an undescended teste. I feel like that was my fault because I didn't 'grow' him properly in the womb or something! But I've never told anything that either. My point is, all feelings are valid.

    RunningWithScissors- I also say that you sound like a very dedicated parent, and the last incident with the elbow wasn't your fault at all. As you did say- 11 year olds ARE old enough to make decisions for themselves, and you can't possibly be around 24/7 to be that little voice on his shoulder reminding him what's dangerous and what isn't. So please don't beat yourself up over that.

    Ok... so here's another one I just have to get out. I let L stand on a table top about 1.5m off the ground and it was sitting on hard concrete whilst I was 3 metres away pegging up washing. And of course you know what happens... he fell. I feel terrible... but I let him do it because I was just so tired of arguing with them both that day over every little thing they wanted to do. Thankfully though he wasn't hurt, and it seems to have taught him not to go back up there.

  3. #53
    FearlessLeader's Avatar
    FearlessLeader is offline Winner 2013 - Most Memorable Thread
    Join Date
    Oct 2009
    Posts
    10,724
    Thanks
    2,498
    Thanked
    9,116
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 postsAmethyst Star - 5,000 postsEmerald Star - 10,000 posts
    to all of you. I am lucky in that i was a nanny for many years before being a mother, so i knew it's possible to feel blind rage towards a small defenseless person

    I think we really need to start being more honest about these things and TELL new mothers 'you might hate them sometimes, you might wish harm upon them' It's all well and good to say 'never shake a baby', but they don't add the next part which is 'because there will be times that you want to'

  4. The Following 23 Users Say Thank You to FearlessLeader For This Useful Post:

    3Princesses  (19-03-2011),aLittleLoopy  (18-03-2011),gonnabeaGR8mum  (18-03-2011),jess1992  (08-08-2013),laurea  (24-02-2012),MamaC  (18-03-2011),miztrezz  (16-01-2013),Mod-Nomsie  (18-03-2011),mumbron  (21-08-2013),munchkin275  (03-07-2014),naebie  (18-03-2011),NewMamma  (21-03-2011),nicoletta  (24-02-2012),peanutbutter&jelly  (18-03-2011),Purple Lily  (20-12-2012),PurpleButterfly4  (02-08-2013),Rutabaga  (07-07-2014),Shanaynay  (18-03-2011),SoThisIsLove  (24-03-2014),Tatiana28  (16-04-2012),The C Team  (21-03-2011),Widget  (19-03-2011),~BEXTER~  (21-03-2011)

  5. #54
    Join Date
    Oct 2010
    Posts
    2,237
    Thanks
    3,290
    Thanked
    716
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 posts
    Oh London that was so heartbreaking to read and i cannot begin to imagine how hard that must'v been for you!!

    Big hugs!! I'm on my phone so don't know if i can add a hugging smilie but pretend I did

  6. #55
    London's Avatar
    London is offline “I think we're losing our sense of humor instead of being able to relax and laugh at ourselves" - Betty White
    Winner 2012 - BubHubber you'd like to meet IRL
    Winner 2012 - Best Avatar

    Join Date
    Aug 2009
    Location
    Perth
    Posts
    11,392
    Thanks
    1
    Thanked
    4,936
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 postsAmethyst Star - 5,000 postsEmerald Star - 10,000 posts
    Quote Originally Posted by FearlessLeader View Post
    to all of you. I am lucky in that i was a nanny for many years before being a mother, so i knew it's possible to feel blind rage towards a small defenseless person

    I think we really need to start being more honest about these things and TELL new mothers 'you might hate them sometimes, you might wish harm upon them' It's all well and good to say 'never shake a baby', but they don't add the next part which is 'because there will be times that you want to'

    That was exactly why I started this thread. I LOVE the bolded part too


    Quote Originally Posted by MissScorpio View Post
    Oh London that was so heartbreaking to read and i cannot begin to imagine how hard that must'v been for you!!

    Big hugs!! I'm on my phone so don't know if i can add a hugging smilie but pretend I did

    thank you

  7. #56
    Join Date
    Oct 2008
    Location
    Sautéed with bacon
    Posts
    6,070
    Thanks
    271
    Thanked
    2,695
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 postsAmethyst Star - 5,000 posts
    Wowy wow wow wow. What a totally aweome thread. I am nodding in agreement to so many of these.
    DH and I have both admitted that if we had a time machine....we would go back and not have our DS's (we both have one DS from our previous relationship...)
    Horrendous.
    But it is SO hard being a blended/step family. It's such a constant source of stress.
    Now we have them, of course we wouldn't change it... But to actually go back a rewrite history and never know them.. Well, life would be a hell of alot easier.
    DS1 is so hard to love, he is such an instense stressed little boy and I blame myself everyday for being so horrible in his first 12 months.
    We clash tremendously and I have said to DH that I feel like punching him. Never have and never would, but the frustration and anger I feel toward him is overwhelming sometimes.

  8. #57
    Join Date
    Oct 2008
    Location
    Sautéed with bacon
    Posts
    6,070
    Thanks
    271
    Thanked
    2,695
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 postsAmethyst Star - 5,000 posts
    I just read this and I could have written it myself. I had DS even trying to strangle himself in the car while I was driving on a very very busy freeway. I almost drove the car off the road. It was unbearable. He still has self hate moments but thankfully he doesn't say he should die anymore. I'm so sorry for anyone who experiences this with their kids. It's horrible.
    Quote Originally Posted by London View Post
    So often on this forum there are women writing threads claiming to be the worst mothers in the world. So often there are mothers feeling like they arent measuring up. Feeling lost and alone. Feeling like they're failing at Motherhood.

    Here's the truth:

    Motherhood is TOUGH.

    I though I would start a thread, where people can let out their most shameful secret about a mothering experience. Not to embarrass or shame anybody, but to enlighten and give hope to mothers who think they're the only ones who are struggling or have struggled.


    (I wrote a huge long post about my shameful secret but there has been soo many views on this thread and nobody commenting so i deleted it.)

    (Will copy and paste my original post back in here now)


    I'll get the ball rolling.

    2years ago, my DS 'changed'. Something in him changed and he went, for lack of a better word, emo. Whenever he would do something wrong he would say 'oh whatever, just kill me, Im nothing anyway' Those words coming out of a precious 4yr olds mouth. I dont even know where he got it from. Wasnt in anything he had watched and he spent the majority of his time with me and i sure as heck wasnt saying things like that to him or around him.
    his behaviour was getting so bad, it was pushing me over the edge. I was going through a rough patch anyway and he was just adding fuel to the fire. One day I took him to my best friends house to play with her son, who is the same age. DS got all angry over nothing and came out with more emo lines. "Just kill me, let me die, it doesnt matter, Im nothing".
    I curled up on my friends couch and began rocking back and forth. This was my breakdown. I literally went numb and everything was hazy. I rang DSs dad who was working up north and told him "Come home now, before I hurt our child". He said he couldnt cos of this that and the other. I told him "...seriously.....Im not dealing....come home now before something bad happens". In the end he kept saying he couldnt so I hung up the phone. I rand my mum and my dad and my brother. NOBODY would step in and help. everybody was busy. I was filled with rage. I desperately wanted DS nowhere near me incase I snapped and took my rage out on him. I looked at him and just felt pure anger.
    I drove DS home in a haze. Dont even remember the drive to be honest. We got home and I put him to and went and sat in the shower. To me, my DS was a stranger...I was losing my mind and even when I asked for help, nobody was willing to give it to me. By the time i got out the shower (over an hour..sorry Water Corp.) I had decided that this wasnt going to beat me. If nobody was going to help, Id have to do it myself.

    That was my lowest point as a mother. Since then, DS is not 6 and a happy child like he was before this incident. He slowly stopped self-hating and went back to being 'normal'. I still dont know where it came from and Im afraid to ask him now incase it comes back again. When I look at him now, I cant even imagine he could of said those things about himself, and I cant believe I feel so much anger.

    So there is my shameful dark secret. I had a 4yr old emo.

    Who's next?

  9. #58
    Join Date
    Oct 2009
    Posts
    431
    Thanks
    54
    Thanked
    95
    Reviews
    0
    to everyone! I'm glad this thread started too London. It was a brave thread to start and very important. We all need to know that we all go through these times.

    I can't even look at photos of my DS1 when he was little (he is 14 now) as I feel so bad at what kind of parent I was then. I had no idea that you could love something that much when he was born, it was really bad. I was young and stupid (and no, I don't think the two necessarily go hand in hand, it was just the case in my situation) when I had him and had no clue about babies and no support from FOB (who was, and still is apparently, an idiot - though we have nothing at all to do with him now and haven't since DS1 was 10 months), no support from family and no friends. Even though I loved him so much it hurt, I had no idea on what to do with him. I was so hot and cold - either really loving or really angry - I too am one who just snaps. I would parent by yelling and being overbearing.

    One time, he must have been about 12 months old and was having constant sleep issues and every single sleep time was a battle, I got so mad at him I just wanted to put a pillow over his head and did - just for a second or two and then realised what I was doing, pulled it off him and just cried and cried. I had no one. But even now trying to justify it in my head, I had sooo many issues besides having no support (mum was in and out of mental hospital again at this stage with psychosis, which had been getting steadily worse since I was young), I still can't justify my actions and feel like the worst parent in the world. My son adores me and always wants my attention and tries to please me. He still has self esteem issues but is much better. He was always bullied at school and I really feel like it was my fault, my lack of parenting skills, my yelling and overbearing manner that caused his lack of self esteem. I hated myself for such a long time and still do over him, as I said, I can't even look at photos of him from then as I just feel sorry for that poor little boy.

    I was much better with my daughter, but still gave in to anger too many times over the years, but have steadily improved. I have given them everything and we would go and do so much fun stuff too and in a lot of ways I was still a great parent. They are my world.

    I was terrified trying to have my latest baby, that I would turn into that person again, and mostly I haven't. I am way more relaxed and am coping much better with the lack of sleep than I was then (though poor DP will cop the anger when it does surface ).

    I can't really express what I want to say properly about all of this, as I haven't really told anyone all of the above and am now sitting here in tears. to all us mothers. It is soooo hard to love something so much. The guilt when you go wrong is just unbearable at times.

  10. The Following 4 Users Say Thank You to aLittleLoopy For This Useful Post:

    Doc  (20-04-2012),Shanaynay  (18-03-2011),sweetsugardumplin'  (21-03-2011),Tatiana28  (16-04-2012)

  11. #59
    Join Date
    Aug 2008
    Posts
    7,107
    Thanks
    489
    Thanked
    615
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 postsAmethyst Star - 5,000 posts
    *super hugs to everyone*

  12. #60
    Mod-Nomsie's Avatar
    Mod-Nomsie is offline Administrator
    Winner 2009/10/11/12/13 - Most helpful Moderator
    Winner 2011 - Naughtiest/Cheekiest Mod
    Winner - Quickest 'Thanker' on the Hub
    Join Date
    Oct 2007
    Location
    Vic
    Posts
    23,657
    Thanks
    6,899
    Thanked
    7,026
    Reviews
    3
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 postsAmethyst Star - 5,000 postsEmerald Star - 10,000 postsRuby Star - 15,000 postsDiamond Star - 20,000 posts
    Awards:
    200 Posts in a week100 Posts in a weekBusiest Member of the Week - week ended 15/1/15
    Oh London... I had tears for you reading that. How absolutely devestating to see your child go through such a 'phase'.. and then not have ANYONE help? I would have been clawing my own eyes out. I'm so sorry no one would help you.. and all I kept on thinking was
    'when people hurt their own children, others around say "but they didn't ask for help".. and yet here is a woman BEGGING for help and no one could be bothered... how many other poor women were begging just like you were?'


 

Similar Threads

  1. Guilty Secrets.
    By babycake in forum General Chat
    Replies: 331
    Last Post: 19-07-2012, 16:56
  2. Secrets...
    By ~Marigold~ in forum Games & fun stuff
    Replies: 72
    Last Post: 29-01-2012, 16:11
  3. My shameful confession
    By Shoopuf in forum General Chat
    Replies: 81
    Last Post: 09-11-2011, 14:46

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
free weekly newsletters | sign up now!
who are these people who write great posts? meet our hubbub authors!
Learn how you can contribute to the hubbub!

reviews
learn how you can become a reviewer!

competitions

forum - chatting now
christmas gift guidesee all Red Stocking
Ro&Co
Share magical moments this Christmas with this gorgeous gingerbread house. Exclusively available in Brisbane, with FREE delivery in Brisbane Metro areas. Each Christmas Centrepiece is unique and made to order, from $240.
sales & new stuffsee all
Bub Hub Sales Listing
HAVING A SALE? Let parents know about it with a Bub Hub Sales listing. Listings are featured on our well trafficked Sales Page + selected randomly to appear on EVERY page
featured supporter
KindyROO
KindyROO offers activities for babies & toddlers in a fun learning centre, focussing on developmental education. Classes are available at three Brisbane and two Gold Coast locations. Enrol today & help your child to reach their full potential. Visit the website to find out more.
gotcha
X

Pregnant for the first-time?

Not sure where to start? We can help!

Our Insider Programs for pregnancy first-timers will lead you step-by-step through the 14 Pregnancy Must Dos!