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  1. #431
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    Quote Originally Posted by DueInAugust View Post
    I'm feeling a bit foolish for the way I am feeling but I'm so tired in not sure what is guilt and what is my brain playing tricks on me.
    Today I had to go to the gp and get help for Ds2.
    He has not been sleeping for more than 6 hours a day for months.
    He is 17 months.
    We have had issues since birth. I have had to fight for every little bit of help from anyone I could.
    He had not put on any weight since 11 months. Has developmental delay and tongue issues due to a late release of his tongue tie.
    So... Im feeling guilty for having to sedate him to get any sleep.
    I'm feeling resentful that no one will help until it's this bad.
    My Ds1 is getting not enough time from me and he is special needs and on holidays. I'm sick of yelling at everything. He is only 7.
    I lost it at dh the other day then Ds1 had to cuddle me coz I was crying cooking dinner. I almost fell asleep driving them to the doctor today.

    I have had thoughts of slapping Ds1 for waking his brother. Not letting me get things done /helping.

    I'm just writing and deleting now so I'll stop.
    I'm sorry if tat didn't make any sense. I'm so tired of it all. But I can't sleep for the guilt and worry.


    Sent from my GT-I9300 using The Bub Hub mobile app
    Oh darling I can feel your desperation. You have nothing to feel guilty about. Good on you for getting more help for your ds and bugger worrying about sedation, if it means getting more sleep and finding your feet again that's far more important! You need to stop living a cycle of hell and start putting yourself first more often. See a gp for a mental health referral and have a cry here whenever you need it.

    Sent from my SM-N9007 using The Bub Hub mobile app

  2. #432
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    Thank you all for your replies.
    I'm feeling a bit better today.
    Ds2 slept well till 12 then woke every 2 hours till 8.
    I didn't sleep much but I know I can tonight. I'm spending time today with Ds1 though he doesn't really notice much. He is in his own world.


    Sent from my GT-I9300 using The Bub Hub mobile app

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    RipperRita  (15-07-2014)

  4. #433
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    Quote Originally Posted by DueInAugust View Post
    Thank you all for your replies.
    I'm feeling a bit better today.
    Ds2 slept well till 12 then woke every 2 hours till 8.
    I didn't sleep much but I know I can tonight. I'm spending time today with Ds1 though he doesn't really notice much. He is in his own world.



    Sent from my GT-I9300 using The Bub Hub mobile app
    I am so glad your feeling a bit better today. I used to wake up and think every day is a new day and a chance to wipe the slate clean and try again... This moment in time won't last forever, you just have to survive it however you can. Both your kids will be fine and you will be fine. Just be kind to yourself. Your a good mum. Bad mums don't worry about this stuff... xxx

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    Sookie Stackedhouse  (15-07-2014)

  6. #434
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    Just wanted to update you on how we are going.
    After 1 ok night everything went to hell in a hand basket.
    He was groggy and clingy all day and refused to sleep at all.
    Till 2 am the next night. He has had 1 nap today for 3 hours with me next to him.
    Now he won't sleep again.
    The sedative is not working! If anything is made things worse. The gp said they can't do any more. I have to wait to see the pead.
    I'm not in a good place but I'm not yelling any more. I spoke to Ds1 and explained what's happening. He doesn't get it but I think he got that I'm upset again.
    He hates seeing emotions as he can't understand them.
    I had a bath tonight and a good cry. That helped to. I forget sometimes that I have to let it go.
    Thank you all for your helpful and kind words. That helps to.

    Sent from my GT-I9300 using The Bub Hub mobile app

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    RipperRita  (17-07-2014)

  8. #435
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    Thinking of you. If you need, put them somewhere safe and take time for yourself each day to have a long hot shower, try and clear your mind and just feel the water wash over your body, have a cry and remind yourself that "this too shall pass". I also set up a pen around the TV so the toddler couldn't escape, and put a mattress on the ground and used to nap while they lied next to me watching TV. I don't remember a lot from that time as it's all kind of blurred now but I know dh used to come home to all 3 of us collapsed on the mattress crying. It was a tough time but we got through it and it seems a lifetime ago now.

    Really hope the paed has some ideas that will help...

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    Sookie Stackedhouse  (17-07-2014)

  10. #436
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    My most shameful moment as a mother was when my husband decided to leave us. This was about 8 months ago. We weren't getting along and one day he just decided to pick up his stuff and abandon us. Ever since he did it, all I could do is sit and cry. I couldn't even take care of my daughter. And I know that this will sound awful, but at some point I even started thinking how easier it would be if I was alone. At least I wouldn't have to explain to my child why daddy's not coming home. But we lived through that and we're stronger now. And my daughter is a great comfort, even though she doesn't realise it much right now.

  11. #437
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    Oh Amelia that's terrible! I think he is the one who should be ashamed - not you. I haven't been through that experience before so can't imagine how difficult it would be to grieve and move on for your daughter's sake. Glad she is great for you now though. Other single Mums on here might better understand your challenges.

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    Apple iPhart6  (23-01-2015)

  13. #438
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    Quote Originally Posted by AmeliaCrawford5386 View Post
    My most shameful moment as a mother was when my husband decided to leave us. This was about 8 months ago. We weren't getting along and one day he just decided to pick up his stuff and abandon us. Ever since he did it, all I could do is sit and cry. I couldn't even take care of my daughter. And I know that this will sound awful, but at some point I even started thinking how easier it would be if I was alone. At least I wouldn't have to explain to my child why daddy's not coming home. But we lived through that and we're stronger now. And my daughter is a great comfort, even though she doesn't realise it much right now.
    I'm another person who hasn't been through that but your reaction sounds pretty damn normal to me. It would be easier to be alone, that's a fact and when you're struggling it's easy to fixate on that. Now you're at a point where you can realise that even though it would be easier if you weren't a single mother, it would be far less rewarding! I'm sure that you and your baby girl will be just fine together.

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  15. #439
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    Quote Originally Posted by AmeliaCrawford5386 View Post
    My most shameful moment as a mother was when my husband decided to leave us. This was about 8 months ago. We weren't getting along and one day he just decided to pick up his stuff and abandon us. Ever since he did it, all I could do is sit and cry. I couldn't even take care of my daughter. And I know that this will sound awful, but at some point I even started thinking how easier it would be if I was alone. At least I wouldn't have to explain to my child why daddy's not coming home. But we lived through that and we're stronger now. And my daughter is a great comfort, even though she doesn't realise it much right now.
    hugs, Ive been a single parent for many, many years and I still think this some days.

    on the bad days I think my god Im not cut out for this, Im failing these kids.
    how nice would it be to just check out for the weekend, leave on a friday afternoon and not come back til sunday night, no worries, no responsibilities.

    just sit in the quiet, drink a coffee that is hot and pee without having to play sideline referee at the same time.

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    hwaterhouse  (23-01-2015)

  17. #440
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    👍 I'm coming back here when I can compose myself enough to not just rant all over the place and make no sense. It's one of those days and I am shamed of the mother I am... I'm not hurting my children, I'm just not giving them the best of me. Today my head is a sooky mess. I've just wanted to cry all day. And putting it into words is a mess too. I will be back. But I did read a few posts and I can relate. It's good to know I am not alone in these feelings. For now I wish I could just go to sleep and wake up when I feel less like a failure.


 

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