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  1. #431
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    @DueInAugust huge hugs!!! Give yourself a break, forgive yourself and move on... Your only human. There is a reason they use sleep deprivation as a form of torture and it's because it tips you over the edge and sends you insane. Let go of the guilt and do whatever it is you need to do to survive.. Is sleep school a possibility? Can a child health nurse or support person visit you weekly? I had bad pnd and struggled with ds's allergies and a child health nurse visited me weekly for over a year.
    Keep reaching out... There are more mums then you think that have suffered through similar things. Xxxx
    Last edited by RipperRita; 14-07-2014 at 20:45.

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  3. #432
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    Quote Originally Posted by DueInAugust View Post
    I'm feeling a bit foolish for the way I am feeling but I'm so tired in not sure what is guilt and what is my brain playing tricks on me.
    Today I had to go to the gp and get help for Ds2.
    He has not been sleeping for more than 6 hours a day for months.
    He is 17 months.
    We have had issues since birth. I have had to fight for every little bit of help from anyone I could.
    He had not put on any weight since 11 months. Has developmental delay and tongue issues due to a late release of his tongue tie.
    So... Im feeling guilty for having to sedate him to get any sleep.
    I'm feeling resentful that no one will help until it's this bad.
    My Ds1 is getting not enough time from me and he is special needs and on holidays. I'm sick of yelling at everything. He is only 7.
    I lost it at dh the other day then Ds1 had to cuddle me coz I was crying cooking dinner. I almost fell asleep driving them to the doctor today.

    I have had thoughts of slapping Ds1 for waking his brother. Not letting me get things done /helping.

    I'm just writing and deleting now so I'll stop.
    I'm sorry if tat didn't make any sense. I'm so tired of it all. But I can't sleep for the guilt and worry.


    Sent from my GT-I9300 using The Bub Hub mobile app
    @DueInAugust
    I just had to reply to your post. There is nothing wrong with feeling the way you are when you are so sleep deprived. My DD has massive sleep issues related to her medical condition. She grows very slowly and is delayed developmentally. Her drs were very concerned about her getting sleep in order to help growth and development so shes been on sleep meds since 12 months old. She is 19 months now. Only melatonin at this stage but I imagine by the time shes 2 we may need to look for something else to help her sleep. Its very hard and unless others have been there they dont know what it is like to live on such little sleep. I also do other crazy things like put dvds on in her room when she wont sleep at 1am etc! You do what you need to.
    I hope you can get a dr to listen to your concerns and help you with sleep.
    Big big hugs. I know how you feel.

    Sent from my GT-P5220 using The Bub Hub mobile app

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    RipperRita  (14-07-2014)

  5. #433
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    Quote Originally Posted by DueInAugust View Post
    I'm feeling a bit foolish for the way I am feeling but I'm so tired in not sure what is guilt and what is my brain playing tricks on me.
    Today I had to go to the gp and get help for Ds2.
    He has not been sleeping for more than 6 hours a day for months.
    He is 17 months.
    We have had issues since birth. I have had to fight for every little bit of help from anyone I could.
    He had not put on any weight since 11 months. Has developmental delay and tongue issues due to a late release of his tongue tie.
    So... Im feeling guilty for having to sedate him to get any sleep.
    I'm feeling resentful that no one will help until it's this bad.
    My Ds1 is getting not enough time from me and he is special needs and on holidays. I'm sick of yelling at everything. He is only 7.
    I lost it at dh the other day then Ds1 had to cuddle me coz I was crying cooking dinner. I almost fell asleep driving them to the doctor today.

    I have had thoughts of slapping Ds1 for waking his brother. Not letting me get things done /helping.

    I'm just writing and deleting now so I'll stop.
    I'm sorry if tat didn't make any sense. I'm so tired of it all. But I can't sleep for the guilt and worry.


    Sent from my GT-I9300 using The Bub Hub mobile app
    Huge hugs.

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  7. #434
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    @DueInAugust I don't see anything there to beat yourself up or feel guilty about. Thoughts and urges are ok - they are a reaction to stress, and boy have you been under stress. There are so many of us around these parts that have experienced the mania of sleep deprivation. Please, please lean on us for support.

    All I can see from your post is a devoted mumma who loves her kids, knows them well enough to advocate for them when things aren't right and makes difficult decisions for their wellbeing. You are doing so well.

    Please, though, if you feel snowed under or like you're not coping, go and talk to your GP. You don't have to suffer in silence.

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    RipperRita  (14-07-2014)

  9. #435
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    @DueInAugust big big hugs. I don't have any advice, but please know you aren't alone. I only have one ds and I feel very similar to you. Sleep deprivation makes you feel and think things you wouldn't under any other circumstance

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    Quote Originally Posted by DueInAugust View Post
    I'm feeling a bit foolish for the way I am feeling but I'm so tired in not sure what is guilt and what is my brain playing tricks on me.
    Today I had to go to the gp and get help for Ds2.
    He has not been sleeping for more than 6 hours a day for months.
    He is 17 months.
    We have had issues since birth. I have had to fight for every little bit of help from anyone I could.
    He had not put on any weight since 11 months. Has developmental delay and tongue issues due to a late release of his tongue tie.
    So... Im feeling guilty for having to sedate him to get any sleep.
    I'm feeling resentful that no one will help until it's this bad.
    My Ds1 is getting not enough time from me and he is special needs and on holidays. I'm sick of yelling at everything. He is only 7.
    I lost it at dh the other day then Ds1 had to cuddle me coz I was crying cooking dinner. I almost fell asleep driving them to the doctor today.

    I have had thoughts of slapping Ds1 for waking his brother. Not letting me get things done /helping.

    I'm just writing and deleting now so I'll stop.
    I'm sorry if tat didn't make any sense. I'm so tired of it all. But I can't sleep for the guilt and worry.


    Sent from my GT-I9300 using The Bub Hub mobile app
    Oh darling I can feel your desperation. You have nothing to feel guilty about. Good on you for getting more help for your ds and bugger worrying about sedation, if it means getting more sleep and finding your feet again that's far more important! You need to stop living a cycle of hell and start putting yourself first more often. See a gp for a mental health referral and have a cry here whenever you need it.

    Sent from my SM-N9007 using The Bub Hub mobile app

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    Thank you all for your replies.
    I'm feeling a bit better today.
    Ds2 slept well till 12 then woke every 2 hours till 8.
    I didn't sleep much but I know I can tonight. I'm spending time today with Ds1 though he doesn't really notice much. He is in his own world.


    Sent from my GT-I9300 using The Bub Hub mobile app

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    RipperRita  (15-07-2014)

  13. #438
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    Quote Originally Posted by DueInAugust View Post
    Thank you all for your replies.
    I'm feeling a bit better today.
    Ds2 slept well till 12 then woke every 2 hours till 8.
    I didn't sleep much but I know I can tonight. I'm spending time today with Ds1 though he doesn't really notice much. He is in his own world.



    Sent from my GT-I9300 using The Bub Hub mobile app
    I am so glad your feeling a bit better today. I used to wake up and think every day is a new day and a chance to wipe the slate clean and try again... This moment in time won't last forever, you just have to survive it however you can. Both your kids will be fine and you will be fine. Just be kind to yourself. Your a good mum. Bad mums don't worry about this stuff... xxx

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  15. #439
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    Just wanted to update you on how we are going.
    After 1 ok night everything went to hell in a hand basket.
    He was groggy and clingy all day and refused to sleep at all.
    Till 2 am the next night. He has had 1 nap today for 3 hours with me next to him.
    Now he won't sleep again.
    The sedative is not working! If anything is made things worse. The gp said they can't do any more. I have to wait to see the pead.
    I'm not in a good place but I'm not yelling any more. I spoke to Ds1 and explained what's happening. He doesn't get it but I think he got that I'm upset again.
    He hates seeing emotions as he can't understand them.
    I had a bath tonight and a good cry. That helped to. I forget sometimes that I have to let it go.
    Thank you all for your helpful and kind words. That helps to.

    Sent from my GT-I9300 using The Bub Hub mobile app

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    RipperRita  (17-07-2014)

  17. #440
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    Thinking of you. If you need, put them somewhere safe and take time for yourself each day to have a long hot shower, try and clear your mind and just feel the water wash over your body, have a cry and remind yourself that "this too shall pass". I also set up a pen around the TV so the toddler couldn't escape, and put a mattress on the ground and used to nap while they lied next to me watching TV. I don't remember a lot from that time as it's all kind of blurred now but I know dh used to come home to all 3 of us collapsed on the mattress crying. It was a tough time but we got through it and it seems a lifetime ago now.

    Really hope the paed has some ideas that will help...

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