Sorry my pic didn't work in my pp
Thanks Purple Lily, Still having a very rough day, I have never looked forward to 6:30pm and kids in bed so much.
I have had such a hard time as a mother with an abuse (now ex) partner. The worst part was when I had to ask my parents to take my children temporarily cos I was afraid for their safety. I did manage to leave my ex but my children, esp my older one, now have trauma issues and DD1 doesn't want to come and live with me again. When we planned to transition her back to me full time, her anxiety got so bad we had to cancel. So for now, we have shared custody (me and my parents). I can't describe how painful the situation is especially since DD2 wants to live with me but they won't (and shouldn't) be separated so for now, I have to deal with this arrangement. That's the worst part of motherhood; making decisions that hurt you because its best for your kids.
this is a great thread. Having shared custody now I don't go through these things anymore but before then I absolutely did, especially with DD1 who had severe colic and no one in my family would help me, in fact they now deny she had colic at all (my stepdad especially, though he hates me and likes to gaslight me this way). I remember when she was 6 months, she was crying and crying and my now ex and I took her on a drive at 3am trying to get her to settle, she hadn't slept in about 20 hours, and I started hitting myself on the head and screaming in frustration. I wish someone around me had told me i had PND rather than blaming me and saying I was just being "selfish" and "lazy". DD2 was much easier even while I was still with my abusive ex, she was a calm baby who just slept in our ringsling all the time. Parenting challenging babies and kids is the hardest thing in the world.
I do feel like I am one of the worse mothers. A lot of times I am too soft to my DD and I know it's not good for her personality when she grows up
Back to reading this thread it's all I have that may make me feel a tiny bit better.
Today was the worst day I have ever had with DD and although I would never hit her I was still screaming and rough with her which is NOT who I am or want to be. She is a baby and I am a monster. I don't deserve children if I don't have the patience now I have another growing inside me and I feel so sorry for her having me as a mother
I am terrible at this job. If I couldn't handle 1 bad day being today how will I handle 2 children:?
All that replays in my head right now is my anger towards her and all the other mums just staring at me like I was a monster
To sum up I am a piece of sh1t who should've followed the signs of not being able to conceive naturally. Maybe I wasn't suppose to have children. Why did I pursue!! This beautiful little girl deserves more 😔
I am not mum material I treated a 3 year old like she was 30! Argued with her like she was a friend! I am ashamed!!
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