So here's my shameful secret..I am so sick of ds2 right now, I sometimes miss my life before kids. There is only so much screaming I can take for one day and unfortunately Ive reached that point already and Its only 10am. Counting the hours until dh is home so I can hand him over and have some freaking peace.
I had a rare night out with an old friend from my flying days a few weeks back and it was so much fun, I can't remember laughing or genuinely enjoying myself so much for such a long time.
When I went home to my family, all it did was highlight how exhausted, anxious and cranky I am in my every day life which made me feel extremely sad and guilty. I love my kids to the moon and back a million times over and wouldn't change being a mum for all the tea in china but some days I really hate it and would give my right arm to time travel back to my pre motherhood days.
I cried a couple of days ago when DD who has silent reflux was refusing to feed, yet again. The shameful part is that instead of crying because my adorable baby has a sore tummy, I was crying selfish tears for me. I was crying because I was thinking 'its not fair, every one else has normal babies, why did I get a baby with reflux who has to be difficult.'
I was not really feeling sorry for her at all, I had just had enough
I was soooo angry .... just like you thinking why me...2 of my friends had their bubs around when DD was born and theirs self settled, no crying issues etc...they would go out and enjoy themselves...I didnot go out or did anything till DDs reflux settled... I cried all day and all night when she did..I screamed at the walls..at god ...asking why me... I dont feel that close to DD still...she still is a terrible eater and poor weight gain so still ongoing issues...
big huge for you!! mums who go through this should be applauded!
is your DD on medication for her reflux? if not that go see a paed for this...its helped so much!!! also make sure you talk with any support person you have ...even if they can give so some break or lend a shoulder to cry on it will help sooo much!
This will pass and when you DDs reflux settles you will notice such a huge change!! please please get her checked to see if she can have medictions...and if she is on something than get it reviewed...
silent reflux is one of the most important factors in maternal and infant morbidity ... always ask for help...especially when you have had enough
After yet another morning of DS1 getting into stuff and DH getting up and telling him off resulting in him and DS2 screaming the house down and waking DS3 - I wish I could quit. Right now I just feel like I dont want to be a mother anymore. Is it really meant to be this hard? After almost 6 years of using every single parenting method we can think of with DS1 he just doesnt learn, constantly pushes every single boundary and drives me absolutely crazy. I cant do this anymore. I want to run away.
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I've already posted in this thread a couple of times because I have had my fair share of moments. I have had so many days when I wish I never had kids. I wonder what I was thinking and how am I supposed to just keep on going. Just this week alone I wanted to run away ever single day and found myself thinking of life before my boys and how much I miss it sometimes.
I know It's not an easy fix but on the really bad days I have to look at this and remind myself there is light even if it seems so far away:
Much love @peanutmonkey you're a real trooper xoxo
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