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  1. #321
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    Mine is the emotional arguing that I enter into with my now 4 year old DD1. DH says we sound like sisters arguing sometimes....

    She's very bright and has spoken well from a very early age so it's often been easy to forget how young she is so I'd lose my patience and bite back when really I should have held my tongue. I've never sworn at her or called her names or anything like that but I've told her to 'stop being silly' and 'I don't want to hear it' which is basically shutting her down when she's upset and I should take stock of the fact that she's a little person learning how to cope with her emotions and I should be the adult in control of my own emotions and empathise and be more patient with her.

    We're both so similar, very emotional, vocal, loud, stubborn.....love having the last word, heaven help us both when she's in her teens!

    I also have other things I feel guilty of, DD1 fell off the bed when she was 6 months, DD2 fell and smashed her face open on a toy that required a trip to hospy, DD1 ran off on me at the shops and I couldn't find her for the longest 5 mins of my life....I smacked DD1 for the first and last time when she was 3, she cut holes in her dress, I was so cross that I knelt down and smacked her bum and she immediately slapped me across the face and we both fell in a heap on the floor crying from the shock of what we'd both done.

    Many proud moments right there!
    Last edited by GirlyWirly; 19-07-2013 at 21:53.

  2. #322
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    I love this thread. I have posted in here before but feel the need to again.

    My DD1 has just turned 3 and I have a 3 month old new DD. DD2 is quiet, easy and happy. Unbelievably I have been blessed with an really good little baby. DD1 however has been challenging from day one. She was a bad sleeper, a crier and hard work. Having 2 children is so so so much harder than 1. Even though DD1 was hard work I coped by using routines and I found my feet with it. Now I have DD2....some days it is harder than I ever imagined and I am wracked with guilt all the time.

    DD1 is so naughty and pushes the boundaries all the time and throws tantrums constantly, basically just being a 2/3 year old from what I can gather. So I spend all my time yelling at her, trying to make her happy or trying to keep her away from the baby. Then I feel guilty because DD2 hardly gets any of my attention, I can't put her down any where because DD1 is too rough. She just gets carted around and fed and changed. Sometimes at night when DD1 is finally asleep and I get awake time with DD2 I get to cuddle and play with her she is just an absolute joy and I wish DD1 was more like her.

    I just want DD1 to be happy and I want enjoy her. I feel like this never happens anymore. So very rarely do I get a glimpse of the little girl I know she is inside and will be when she is older and I just want her to be that girl. Some days with her are exhausting and by the end of the day I am a mess. She goes to daycare 3 days a week now because I just wasn't coping with the 2 of them at home together all day everyday. It has helped a bit because I think she was bored but I feel guilty for doing it. Like I should be able to handle my own child and entertain her at home. She is so strong minded and spirited. I am afraid of squashing that in her but some days she is out of control and I just loose it. I want to shake her and say make this easier for me. People tell me it gets easier....

    I feel so out of my depth sometimes. Like I should be able to cope because I only have 2...some people have 3 or 4 or 5 How do they do it. I would love more but I wouldn't because its too hard. There isn't enough of me to go around as it is. This is the single most hardest thing I have ever done. I never imagined that I would feel so unqualified and unprepared for this job. I am a confident, oraginised, capable person, surely this should be easier? I look around at other Mums who seem so perfect and feel guilty because I am not.

    Sometimes I wonder if there will be anything left of 'me' when they are older and don't need me as much. Sometimes I don't recognise my self anymore. I actually feel sorry for people having their first babies because I think they have no idea what they are in for. I never thought it would be easy and I knew that I would be tired and have little time for myself ect but I didn't realise the effect that would have on me. How draining it would be and how sometimes it would make me feel so isolated and alone.

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  4. #323
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    Pippi - I could have written this word by word exactly the same! I am sure there are many that feel the same way.

    I've got a 4 week old DD and I think I should be taking DD1 out of day care (3 days) and even my mother thinks I should be but I dread the thought.

  5. #324
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    Quote Originally Posted by BrissieGal2013 View Post
    Pippi - I could have written this word by word exactly the same! I am sure there are many that feel the same way.

    I've got a 4 week old DD and I think I should be taking DD1 out of day care (3 days) and even my mother thinks I should be but I dread the thought.
    .
    I'm in exactly the same situation as you guys, DD1 is 19 months and DD2 is 10 weeks old. Boy it gets so hard looking after both of them. DD2 wants to be held the whole time and DD1 just wants my attention. Thank god DD1 goes to daycare three days a week, even though I feel really guilty dropping her off those three days. But the good thing is that she loves going to daycare because I think she gets bored at home.

  6. #325
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    Not that anyone asked for my opinion...but I have a bit of time on my hands at present. It seems to me like you're all still in the early stages of adjusting to having a new baby in your house. I reckon my ds was 6 months old before I started to feel like I wasn't a zombie with maniacal tendencies...so I'm guessing that when I have a second it could take me twice as long to adjust...it could also take my ds and dh that long to adjust also...that is a lot of adjusting!!!

    So, if there is one little thing you can do to make your life a little easier then I think you should be able to do it without the guilt and judgement of yourself and others. Childcare can be really good for toddlers and it can be good for Mum's and newborns...stuff everyone else (except your kiddies of course).
    It's just daycare...it's not abusive.

    Besides, only you know what it is like to be you right now...I'm sure that some parents (ie, our parents) forget how hard those first few years are.

    Sent from my GT-I9100 using The Bub Hub mobile app
    Last edited by Albert01; 02-08-2013 at 19:03.

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  8. #326
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    [QUOTE=Albert01;7373117]Not that anyone asked for my opinion...but I have a bit of time on my hands at present. It seems to me like you're all still in the early stages of adjusting to having a new baby in your house. I reckon my ds was 6 months old before I started to feel like I wasn't a zombie with maniacal tendencies...so I'm guessing that when I have a second it could take me twice as long to adjust...it could also take my ds and dh that long to adjust also...that is a lot of adjusting!!!

    So, if there is one little thing you can do to make your life a little easier then I think you should be able to do it without the guilt and judgement of yourself and others. Childcare can be really good for toddlers and it can be good for Mum's and newborns...stuff everyone else (except your kiddies of course).
    It's just daycare...it's not abusive.

    Besides, only you know what it is like to be you right now...I'm sure that some parents (ie, our parents) forget how hard those first few years are.

    Omg....quoting myself...mistake...sorry.

    Sent from my GT-I9100 using The Bub Hub mobile app

  9. #327
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    Quote Originally Posted by inchains View Post
    .
    I'm in exactly the same situation as you guys, DD1 is 19 months and DD2 is 10 weeks old. Boy it gets so hard looking after both of them. DD2 wants to be held the whole time and DD1 just wants my attention. Thank god DD1 goes to daycare three days a week, even though I feel really guilty dropping her off those three days. But the good thing is that she loves going to daycare because I think she gets bored at home.
    I work at daycare and I honestly feel that if they have been going to daycare for awhile it is often better just to leave them in for their same days . Their whole home life has changed with the arrival of the new baby and daycare is the one place where their new baby cant effect their day. If they are happy there then continuing that routine will give them some extra stability. Its never the case for every child but it is for many.

    Even if they have not previously been in care, if they are happy to go then daycare can provide them with something special that is just for them and a little extra routine never hurts either.
    Last edited by Tildy; 02-08-2013 at 20:01.

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  11. #328
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    I have 2 healthy boys aged 2 1/2 years old and 10 1/2 months old. It is so freaking hard some days. It honestly feels like I cant make them happy. One of them always seems to be whinging or crying. Somedays I just loose it and yell. I hate myself for doing that. I really do. Sometimes I think what my life would be like if I never had them. I want to have a hobby but I haven't done anything for my myself in a long time, I dont know what I'm interested in.

    They are the apples to my eye. But it feels like the moment my first was born a part of myself was lost. When I catch up with a lifelong friend I have nothing to talk about literally. She is planning holidays and having fun adventures. Whereas the most exciting thing that happened to me this week is DS1 eczema has cleared up.

    Gosh I sound horrible.


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  12. #329
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    Quote Originally Posted by BrissieGal2013 View Post
    Pippi - I could have written this word by word exactly the same! I am sure there are many that feel the same way.

    I've got a 4 week old DD and I think I should be taking DD1 out of day care (3 days) and even my mother thinks I should be but I dread the thought.
    I'm not even thinking of taking DS out of daycare while I'm on mat leave with Nr 2. I might reduce from 5 to 3 or 4 days but that's it. Guilt free here!

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  14. #330
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    Starla you don't sound horrible at all!! You sound like an amazing mumma
    I also feel that a part of me died when DD was born ... it's strange isn't it?

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