I just wanted to say again thank you to the wonderful women who gave me love and encouragement and lots of PM's yesterday after my shameful confession.
You all lifted me when I was all out of hope and you have no idea just what you did for my spirit. I was in a dark place and I can't begin to explain to you the difference you ALL made to my day
Funny thing about control is when you let go it tends to fall into place. My DD went to bed easily at 8:30pm and slept till 2am. Had a feed and back down at 2:30 till 8am! I had to get up a few times after 2:30 to give her a cuddle but she drifted off each time with no fuss. Ironic huh? :rollseyes:
Would I get royalties for starting the thread?
Subbing because I'm sure I will have shameful secrets soon.
I haven't read everything but found this thread fantastic because I have a shameful mothering experience that I have shared with my DH but he fobs it off but I still feel guilty. My DD started changing late last year/early this year, long gone is my sweet helpful daughter and in her place is a frustrating tween who will argue with me for the sake if arguing. Anyway earlier this year she started arguing with me over what to have for dinner and even though it was something small I snapped, I told her I had not raised a spoilt self righteous brat and to get out of my house she wouldn't go (I am glad she didn't) so instead I went and shut myself in my room until I calmed down. To this day I still feel guilty for telling her to get out.
Mine is the emotional arguing that I enter into with my now 4 year old DD1. DH says we sound like sisters arguing sometimes....
She's very bright and has spoken well from a very early age so it's often been easy to forget how young she is so I'd lose my patience and bite back when really I should have held my tongue. I've never sworn at her or called her names or anything like that but I've told her to 'stop being silly' and 'I don't want to hear it' which is basically shutting her down when she's upset and I should take stock of the fact that she's a little person learning how to cope with her emotions and I should be the adult in control of my own emotions and empathise and be more patient with her.
We're both so similar, very emotional, vocal, loud, stubborn.....love having the last word, heaven help us both when she's in her teens!
I also have other things I feel guilty of, DD1 fell off the bed when she was 6 months, DD2 fell and smashed her face open on a toy that required a trip to hospy, DD1 ran off on me at the shops and I couldn't find her for the longest 5 mins of my life....I smacked DD1 for the first and last time when she was 3, she cut holes in her dress, I was so cross that I knelt down and smacked her bum and she immediately slapped me across the face and we both fell in a heap on the floor crying from the shock of what we'd both done.
Many proud moments right there!
Last edited by GirlyWirly; 19-07-2013 at 21:53.
I love this thread. I have posted in here before but feel the need to again.
My DD1 has just turned 3 and I have a 3 month old new DD. DD2 is quiet, easy and happy. Unbelievably I have been blessed with an really good little baby. DD1 however has been challenging from day one. She was a bad sleeper, a crier and hard work. Having 2 children is so so so much harder than 1. Even though DD1 was hard work I coped by using routines and I found my feet with it. Now I have DD2....some days it is harder than I ever imagined and I am wracked with guilt all the time.
DD1 is so naughty and pushes the boundaries all the time and throws tantrums constantly, basically just being a 2/3 year old from what I can gather. So I spend all my time yelling at her, trying to make her happy or trying to keep her away from the baby. Then I feel guilty because DD2 hardly gets any of my attention, I can't put her down any where because DD1 is too rough. She just gets carted around and fed and changed. Sometimes at night when DD1 is finally asleep and I get awake time with DD2 I get to cuddle and play with her she is just an absolute joy and I wish DD1 was more like her.
I just want DD1 to be happy and I want enjoy her. I feel like this never happens anymore. So very rarely do I get a glimpse of the little girl I know she is inside and will be when she is older and I just want her to be that girl. Some days with her are exhausting and by the end of the day I am a mess. She goes to daycare 3 days a week now because I just wasn't coping with the 2 of them at home together all day everyday. It has helped a bit because I think she was bored but I feel guilty for doing it. Like I should be able to handle my own child and entertain her at home. She is so strong minded and spirited. I am afraid of squashing that in her but some days she is out of control and I just loose it. I want to shake her and say make this easier for me. People tell me it gets easier....
I feel so out of my depth sometimes. Like I should be able to cope because I only have 2...some people have 3 or 4 or 5 How do they do it. I would love more but I wouldn't because its too hard. There isn't enough of me to go around as it is. This is the single most hardest thing I have ever done. I never imagined that I would feel so unqualified and unprepared for this job. I am a confident, oraginised, capable person, surely this should be easier? I look around at other Mums who seem so perfect and feel guilty because I am not.
Sometimes I wonder if there will be anything left of 'me' when they are older and don't need me as much. Sometimes I don't recognise my self anymore. I actually feel sorry for people having their first babies because I think they have no idea what they are in for. I never thought it would be easy and I knew that I would be tired and have little time for myself ect but I didn't realise the effect that would have on me. How draining it would be and how sometimes it would make me feel so isolated and alone.
Pippi - I could have written this word by word exactly the same! I am sure there are many that feel the same way.
I've got a 4 week old DD and I think I should be taking DD1 out of day care (3 days) and even my mother thinks I should be but I dread the thought.
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