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  1. #291
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    Quote Originally Posted by FirstTimeMummy2012 View Post
    I must get this out so here goes:

    I am mum to a 9 week old DD. I never wanted to be a mother. I knew deep down I was too selfish for motherhood. I knew I'd be terrible at it. Babies tend to dislike me.

    I met my DH 3 years ago and he told me right away how keen he was for a baby. Approaching 40 I could see why. He never pushed me though. Oh no, I was stupid enough to do that to myself.

    Our TTC journey was tough and long. That should have been a dead give away right there. But nope, I had to stubbornly persist. Because I'm stupid like that.

    Now that our long awaited daughter is here I wish more than anything I could turn back the clock. I'm not cut out for this. In fact, I suck at being a parent and I especially suck at being a mother.

    I try to put her on routines and am constantly changing things on her to make it easier for me. Yes, I'm a horrible selfish human being who doesn't deserve this precious girl laying beside me

    DH isn't much help. He claims to have wanted this more than anything yet I have to prompt him to have one on one time with her. Even then he pulls out his phone to play poker

    I feel like he fooled me. I feel ripped off. It wasn't meant to be like this. I was supposed to have a baby that sleeps all night. I was supposed to have a husband who would share the load with me. I hate this so much ...

    So here I am at rock bottom. I've thrown out all the books that tell me what to do and what routine ti have my girl on. It's about time I stopped being a selfish a$$ and just let her lead. So now I will. I must lean once and for all you can't control a human being ...
    As the other ladies have said, I think their might be a lot of us that have felt this way!

    I waited till my 30's to have our dd and I guess it was such a shock as I was set in my ways and loved my life, no routine, no feeding constantly, no crying and I could sleep forever whenever I liked...

    It is so hard especially when they aren't fantastic sleepers, but I promise it gets easier. My dd is 18mths and i have days where I look at other mums and think why aren't I a natural like them, but this is MY natural way and you too will find your way.

    This is the hardest job I've ever had

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    FirstTimeMummy2012  (18-07-2013)

  3. #292
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    I STILL feel really inadequate, jealous and sick in the tummy when I hear about babies that sleep really well!

    It's such a horrible thing to feel, logically, good on them but it still feels like your nose is getting rubbed in it.

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    btmacxxx  (24-08-2013),FirstTimeMummy2012  (18-07-2013),gumnutbaby  (06-01-2014),Waggers70  (18-07-2013)

  5. #293
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    Quote Originally Posted by mrsharvey View Post
    I'm sitting here in tears, FTM. I have had so many of the feelings you're describing. I feel like we are a little similar in some ways, although our stories are very different: I always felt I'd be too selfish to be mother. I found myself sobbing into my pillow last night because I gave my son Panadol after two hours awake in the middle of the night because I was desperate for him to sleep. I never knew how hard it would be, or how much anger you can feel for an innocent little soul that you adore, who only needs your love and protection. I have been completely thrown by my DS's stubbornness and unwillingness to yield into whatever routines and systems I try to throw his way. He sleeps exactly when he wants to sleep - we keep to the same routines and sleep cues but if he ain't sleeping there's nothing I can do. My husband does barely anything. I haven't had a full night's sleep for eight months.

    I'm not trying to be PLOM, just, I guess, you're not alone. And I'm not alone. There are dozens of us struggling to keep our heads above water. But I can tell you this: after 12 weeks it gets easier. It gets more rewarding as your little one will be able to respond to you with smiles and cuddles and kisses and show you just how much she adores you. You are her world. You will find your stride.

    And you are a wonderful mother. I know how much you love your daughter. That's all she needs right now. There's no such thing as a perfect mother. But we are all here beside you in our imperfections too.

    Please seek help from your GP if you are feeling this way often. And tell your husband to pull his finger out. He will never get this time back, and it goes so quickly xx
    Mrsharvey I've seen your posts here and there and have so many times wanted to PM you just to let you know that you're not alone. I was too ashamed too though. I was ashamed of being judged for sucking so much at this. I was ashamed to admit that I wish I had never done this

    I'm sorry you're going through a hard time too and you're right, my DH does need to pull his finger out. I think a large part of the problem is that I'm very controlling and I don't let him just be with her. In the midst of a domestic this morning he told me that he's too afraid to throw out my "routine"

    Anyways, than you for reaching out. I'm here if you ever want to vent too

  6. #294
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    I love this thread. I too have my share of dark thoughts and doubts. My son is 8 months old, I'm 43 and often feel totally overwhelmed. He is a poor night time sleeper and it's been 10 months since I've had more than 4 consecutive hours of sleep. Most nights I'm up every 1-2 hours. Sometimes I wish I could turn back time and have remained child free, other times I feel I should give him up for adoption. I've called him appallingly bad names in the middle of the night. It's just good to know I'm not alone, even though I usually feel so alone in caring for my boy.

    Sent from my GT-I9300T using The Bub Hub mobile app

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  8. #295
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    Quote Originally Posted by Waggers70 View Post
    I love this thread. I too have my share of dark thoughts and doubts. My son is 8 months old, I'm 43 and often feel totally overwhelmed. He is a poor night time sleeper and it's been 10 months since I've had more than 4 consecutive hours of sleep. Most nights I'm up every 1-2 hours. Sometimes I wish I could turn back time and have remained child free, other times I feel I should give him up for adoption. I've called him appallingly bad names in the middle of the night. It's just good to know I'm not alone, even though I usually feel so alone in caring for my boy.

    Sent from my GT-I9300T using The Bub Hub mobile app

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  10. #296
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    Quote Originally Posted by mrsharvey View Post
    I'm sitting here in tears, FTM. I have had so many of the feelings you're describing. I feel like we are a little similar in some ways, although our stories are very different: I always felt I'd be too selfish to be mother. I found myself sobbing into my pillow last night because I gave my son Panadol after two hours awake in the middle of the night because I was desperate for him to sleep. I never knew how hard it would be, or how much anger you can feel for an innocent little soul that you adore, who only needs your love and protection. I have been completely thrown by my DS's stubbornness and unwillingness to yield into whatever routines and systems I try to throw his way. He sleeps exactly when he wants to sleep - we keep to the same routines and sleep cues but if he ain't sleeping there's nothing I can do. My husband does barely anything. I haven't had a full night's sleep for eight months.

    I'm not trying to be PLOM, just, I guess, you're not alone. And I'm not alone. There are dozens of us struggling to keep our heads above water. But I can tell you this: after 12 weeks it gets easier. It gets more rewarding as your little one will be able to respond to you with smiles and cuddles and kisses and show you just how much she adores you. You are her world. You will find your stride.

    And you are a wonderful mother. I know how much you love your daughter. That's all she needs right now. There's no such thing as a perfect mother. But we are all here beside you in our imperfections too.

    Please seek help from your GP if you are feeling this way often. And tell your husband to pull his finger out. He will never get this time back, and it goes so quickly xx
    They're blooming little terrorists. ((Hugs))

  11. #297
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    I hate even admitting that I think this sometimes but I don't enjoy bring a mum as much as I expected I would! Don't get me wrong i love my daughter more than anything (It has taken us 6 years and 7 cycles of IVF to get our precious bundle) but sometimes I wake up and feel like its Groundhog Day...

    Just last night I had a moment thinking 'Ill never be me again...'

    When does it become fun?

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  13. #298
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    Abubby I think this all the time ... I feel like the old me is gone.

  14. #299
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    With DD it got better as she got older, when she could sit in a bumbo and a jolly jumper, then better again when she was more mobile plus it made her tired enough to sleep.

    Also sleep was better when she had kind of figured out a morning and afternoon nap, better again when it was just an arvo nap.

    DD's personality just seems to be quite ' non negotiable' and at 18 months old now I can clearly see that's just who she is

    Was a bitter pill to swallow in the early days though, I'm hugely routine based and a bit of a control freak so it really did my head in. I would sit there and think I manage full time work with your brothers, your brothers sport, our house, I manage 150 other people's houses, I have sailed through it all and yet this one little baby is bringing me to my knees! I can laugh now, at the time I felt really inadequate.

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    Abubby  (18-07-2013),Albert01  (19-07-2013),FirstTimeMummy2012  (18-07-2013),MrsSS  (18-07-2013)

  16. #300
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    FTM it's not that we aren't grateful but maybe we just had this idea of what being a mum would look and feel like and my reality isn't what I had expected!

    Oh and the lack of routine drives me insane as well! I was (am?) a teacher and my whole day used to evolve around a strict routine and people...lots of people!

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