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  1. #131
    Tam-I-Am's Avatar
    Tam-I-Am is offline Winner 2009 - Most Helpful Member Award
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    I have holes in the plasterboard above my bed, where I punched the wall because DS woke for the gazzillionth time that particular night, after sleeping badly for months. I was screaming and sobbing at the same time, totally hysterically inconsolable, as I punched holes in the wall above my head.

    I keep them there to remind me that nobody is, or can be an island.

    Sleep deprivation is hell, and parenting is hard. Nobody can do it alone.

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    OurLittleBlessing  (15-04-2011)

  3. #132
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    Wen my son was 3 days old i cried and told my husband i 'WANT TO GIVE HIM BACK' .. I really did want to give him back. The main dark mummy moment i remember was After a shocking 24 hour labour, PND and PTSD, baby had jaundice, couldn't bf due to his inability to suck etc when he was about 2 months old i was giving him a bath, he wasn't crying or anything but i remember thinking "now i know why some people drown their babies" and thought how easy it would be to just hold him under.. It was the strangest thing i've ever felt, it was like something else was taking over my mind, like it wasn't me! thank god i was with it enough to know that that would be a terrible horrible awful thing to do and so i immediately took him out of the bath and drained the water. Never thought it again, went and saw psychologist for my PND. I'm not ashamed to tell that story cause THAT is exactly what post natal depression can do and it's important to let other people know about it.
    Last edited by Happy2be3; 15-04-2011 at 07:03.

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    MamaC  (15-04-2011)

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    My shameful secret is that if DH and I ever separated, and he left me, he would have to take DD2 with him. And I told him this too. "If you ever wish to leave me, then you have to take ***** with you. DO NOT leave her here with me." I would not cope.

    I would happily have her for access but would not want to care for her on my own

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    This thread should be made a sticky. To let you know at your darkest moments your never alone. There is at least one other person that has experienced feelings like that, being in a similar situation.
    Reading through might save someone. Allow them to seek help. To let go of regrets they have

    to everyone thank you for sharing.

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    I had 2 moments where I felt I was the worst mother ever. They were both in the first month of being a mother.

    The first day my DS was home, I wanted to cut his finger nails. So I used the pair of clippers for BABIES that was given to me as a present. I figured that they are meant for babies and they should do the job.
    So I snip off the little guys finger nails.. and then... all his fingers started to bleed, I had snipped the top of his fingers.

    What seemed to make it worse, was that was my first midwife visit, and I was convinced that she was going to say I was a terrible mother and that my DS had to be taken away from me.

    Hormones are a wonderful thing


    The next incident was my DS's nappy rash, he must of been 3-4 weeks old, and his bottom started rash and look violently ugly. I had NO idea how to help it heal.
    At 3am in the morning, I changed his little bottom, and wiped... and there was blood coming from his skin, I was freaking out, I wiped the blood away, to make more blood come from his skin. I freaked out, I felt like the worst mother in the world. I meant to not hurt my baby like this.
    I ended up ringing the midwives at the hospital for advice, and it seemed I had started using the bottom wipes to early, and had to use cotton balls again.

    These incidents maybe not a huge issue on any scale. But at those times, I felt like the worst mother on the planet, and I continued to tell myself, No mother should hurt their child, let alone make the poor thing bleed.
    It took me a little while to realise that motherhood was about making mistakes and learning from them. Sure my DS is still very young, and I can't say I am an expert on parenting, far from it, but I know I have A LONG way to go, and I know, that no matter how old my Ds is. be it 2 or 80, I will still be learning.
    Last edited by White Mage; 15-04-2011 at 07:59. Reason: Must of been asleep writing this thing, mistakes everywhere!

  8. #136
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    Oh wow, this thread has helped me feel not alone, thank you for sharing.

    I have been having an extremely hard time with DS1 since DS2 was born. He is violent, naughty, rude, hits, screams, yells. I am not Coping with it, nothing fixes his behaviour so I have tended to try to ignore it so that he doesn't scream and wake DS2 up but now we're reached breaking point. I feel like all I do is yell. I don't miss him when he goes to daycare; I feel relief. He is stopping daycare in 4 weeks because we are moving - the thought of not having a break from the non stop bad behaviour and hitting and screaming scares the crap out of me.

    But at the same time, I KNOW he is jealous of DS2... And I know that's my fault. I feel my bond is different with DS2, he is ultra clingy but I don't mind. I really try to make time for DS1 but DS2 won't settle for my DH so I end up with DS2 while DH does stuff with DS1.

    I feel bad because my older brother was always the 'favourite' growing up and I hate that I may be making DS1 feel the same way I did growing up, but I can't figure out how to deal with his behaviour and I'm sick of copping blocks to the head or him kicking his little brother or slapping him etc. I feel stuck. I didn't want it to be like this. And it doesn't help that neither of my kids sleep (and I'm not exaggerating) and I just feel exhausted from the second I get up in the morning to the second I fall in bed at night.

    I love my kids but I constantly feel as if I can't be a mother because all my friends kids sleep - why can't mine?

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    Omg, are you not supposed to use wipes from the start?! I missed that memo, and i've had 2 babies! Still learning!

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    Quote Originally Posted by Pregnor View Post
    Omg, are you not supposed to use wipes from the start?! I missed that memo, and i've had 2 babies! Still learning!
    Apparently, using the huggies wipes, or any wipes, even the sensitive ones (that I was using) still can create nappy rash, rather than prevent it. So apparently you are meant to use cotton balls or wash cloths for a while, until your babies skin becomes a little less sensitive. That is what the midwife told me before I took him home.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Pregnor View Post
    Omg, are you not supposed to use wipes from the start?! I missed that memo, and i've had 2 babies! Still learning!
    We recommended to parents at work who have children with persistent nappy rush no matter the cream, and wipes used to switch just to wet clothes like chux. We had a little boy that was always suffering nappy rush and since his mum starting bringing in chux for us to use he hasn't had one rash (over a year now)

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    Quote Originally Posted by peanutmonkey View Post
    Oh wow, this thread has helped me feel not alone, thank you for sharing.

    I have been having an extremely hard time with DS1 since DS2 was born. He is violent, naughty, rude, hits, screams, yells. I am not Coping with it, nothing fixes his behaviour so I have tended to try to ignore it so that he doesn't scream and wake DS2 up but now we're reached breaking point. I feel like all I do is yell. I don't miss him when he goes to daycare; I feel relief. He is stopping daycare in 4 weeks because we are moving - the thought of not having a break from the non stop bad behaviour and hitting and screaming scares the crap out of me.

    But at the same time, I KNOW he is jealous of DS2... And I know that's my fault. I feel my bond is different with DS2, he is ultra clingy but I don't mind. I really try to make time for DS1 but DS2 won't settle for my DH so I end up with DS2 while DH does stuff with DS1.

    I feel bad because my older brother was always the 'favourite' growing up and I hate that I may be making DS1 feel the same way I did growing up, but I can't figure out how to deal with his behaviour and I'm sick of copping blocks to the head or him kicking his little brother or slapping him etc. I feel stuck. I didn't want it to be like this. And it doesn't help that neither of my kids sleep (and I'm not exaggerating) and I just feel exhausted from the second I get up in the morning to the second I fall in bed at night.

    I love my kids but I constantly feel as if I can't be a mother because all my friends kids sleep - why can't mine?
    After I had my second baby, I completely rejected DD1 I am so ashamed of how I felt. It has taken a lot of time and energy to rebuild that bond. The best advice anyone gave me during that awful time was "When you want to push them away, that's when they need you to draw them closer to you" and I truly understand how difficult that is. But I faked it until I made it and it helped both of us.
    I know your DS1 is hard work right now and it's so hard to be with him when he's being so outwardly aggressive, but now is the time to draw him in under that soft wing of yours, you will feel better for doing it too eventually. Give yourself and your son time... the bond will return
    PM me if you ever want to vent.

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