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  1. #91
    MyFourCubs's Avatar
    MyFourCubs is offline MyThreeCubs plus one- I am the luckiest Mum in the world...
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    Quote Originally Posted by CazGotHam View Post
    My shame as a mum, is that it's all I am.

    I'm a crap wife, a crap person - a good mum? Hmm.. I like to tell myself I am, but if he's growing up seeing me being so useless as a person, then am I really a good mum?

    I feel like I'm using him. Before him, I was nothing. Now I'm Hayden's mum, and it's all I've ever wanted to be. He's all I think about, all I talk about. Check my facebook, every single status update is about Hayden or Miki. Photos, videos, it's never ending. All my friends are either family, or people from here. They're all there to see Hayden.

    I am very concerned that my babies will grow up believing that mummy is nothing without them.
    Hun, I can't believe that'show you see yourself!! I just had to check all your details to make sure you were I thought you were!!

    Sweetie there is no such thing as "Just a Mum." I know it sounds trite to say that it's the hardest job in the world but read this thread- it's the truth. So many of us become consumed with our child or our children, particularly when we first become mothers and we forget what we used to be. Look how many members are Mum2suchandsuch. My first parenting forum username was Mum2Claudie. Now I'm just plural- my4cubs I'm not saying there is anything wrong with that i'm just saying that is how we see ourselves. Problem is, we see ourselves as mothers FIRST- we just forget to place much value on it.

    There is no shame in being a Mum and I don't believe for one moment that the considerate, empathetic, intelligent bubhubber we see before us, (You) is nothing, "more than that."

    ETA all my fb statuses are about Ollie. Don't befriend me you'll be bored stiff!!

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  3. #92
    Gothel's Avatar
    Gothel is offline Skip the drama, stay with Mama!
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    Oh my gosh i really want to hug each and very one of US (cos there are a lot of us out there suffering through our personal guilt trips) and say

    "We are doing the best we can today and we are working on doing better tomorrow"

    I just feel so sorry for the undercurrents and waves of sorrow running through this thread. We expect so much of ourselves and we want the absolute best for our kids. But we are only human, we have our own f*ckups to deal with WHILE we try to do the best for our kids.

    We
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    Human.

    PS Bravo London for starting this thread and having the b@lls to reinstate your story. FWIW its a heartbreaking story but all I could think reading it is 'its not your fault'. Its a human dynamic, the interaction between you and your child. Its a tragedy that noone realised the depth of your despair or answered your call for help.

    And bravo to everyone who had the b@lls to post, I just want to hug each and every one of you and wish you all the best in dealing with your heartache. May the joy you feel in your kids override everything else you feel, even if it is just for tomorrow.

  4. #93
    Gothel's Avatar
    Gothel is offline Skip the drama, stay with Mama!
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    Quote Originally Posted by MyFourCubs View Post

    Sweetie there is no such thing as "Just a Mum." I know it sounds trite to say that it's the hardest job in the world but read this thread- it's the truth. So many of us become consumed with our child or our children, particularly when we first become mothers and we forget what we used to be. Look how many members are Mum2suchandsuch. My first parenting forum username was Mum2Claudie. Now I'm just plural- my4cubs I'm not saying there is anything wrong with that i'm just saying that is how we see ourselves. Problem is, we see ourselves as mothers FIRST- we just forget to place much value on it.

    There is no shame in being a Mum and I don't believe for one moment that the considerate, empathetic, intelligent bubhubber we see before us, (You) is nothing, "more than that."
    Hear hear!! Well said!!!
    CazGotHam, they may consume you now but you will find yourself again. I feel the same, all i think or talk about is the kids because I don;t have time for anything else. I hope in the future when they are older and more independent i will find time to discover myself. Cos I feel like I never really knew myself before kids.

    Geez what is it about this thread. London, what have you started?? All these peeps being honest and opening their hearts??

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    Quote Originally Posted by CazGotHam View Post
    My shame as a mum, is that it's all I am.

    I'm a crap wife, a crap person - a good mum? Hmm.. I like to tell myself I am, but if he's growing up seeing me being so useless as a person, then am I really a good mum?

    I feel like I'm using him. Before him, I was nothing. Now I'm Hayden's mum, and it's all I've ever wanted to be. He's all I think about, all I talk about. Check my facebook, every single status update is about Hayden or Miki. Photos, videos, it's never ending. All my friends are either family, or people from here. They're all there to see Hayden.

    I am very concerned that my babies will grow up believing that mummy is nothing without them.
    My mum was a SAHM. For what it's worth, I look back on my childhood with the greatest memories, and a real sense of appreciation for what my mum did for both me and my sister. I even recognised it when I was a child. Many of my friends had to come home from school (with their own key) and open up the house/ get their own food. I loved the fact that my mum was always waiting at home for me, and we'd sit and have a chat about our days. I loved that she had so much time for us.

    I'm not trying to make any working parents feel bad here. Just saying that I loved that my mum was "just" a mum. I hope to be half the person she is.

    I'm sure your kids will recognise how much you love them and how much you've done for them too. To them you will be (ARE) everything, not nothing.

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  7. #95
    London's Avatar
    London is offline “I think we're losing our sense of humor instead of being able to relax and laugh at ourselves" - Betty White
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    Quote Originally Posted by MrsTiggyWinkle View Post
    Geez what is it about this thread. London, what have you started?? All these peeps being honest and opening their hearts??

    Lol
    I figured we're usually all defending ourselves on so many different ideals and stupid things...a thread to remind us we're all human and all have our own sh!t going on, would be good. Ive read too many 'im a terrible Mother' threads and feel bad that soo many people felt like they were the only ones.

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  9. #96
    Gothel's Avatar
    Gothel is offline Skip the drama, stay with Mama!
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    Quote Originally Posted by London View Post
    a thread to remind us we're all human and all have our own sh!t going on
    Well that just sums it up perfectly except for the 'powerful' factor!

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    Nawww thanks ladies, you are very sweet. Gave me the warm fuzzies. Just thought I should point out I'm not a SAHM. I wish I was but sadly we can't afford for me to be.

    We're all human. We all do things we aren't proud of. Many millions of hugs to each and every one of you. Nobody's perfect!

  11. #98
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    Quote Originally Posted by GirlsRock View Post
    This is me ... My DD's are almost the same age as yours too.

    My guilty secret is that last week I actually whispered to DD2 "you are my favourite child". . When I told my Mum she said "dont worry, I'm sure you'll be saying that to DD1, when DD2 is two and a half". On that same day I actually slapped DD1's bare leg really hard when she kicked me because she didnt want to wear the nappy I'd chosen. I'm so ashamed that I let my frustration levels get so high that I smacked her when in actual fact the kicking wasnt that serious it simply gave me an outlet for my frustrations. I have vowed NOT to smack again, I hate it, I said I'd never do it. 3 months ago I said how much I loved the stage that DD1 was at...now she drives me bonkers and I yell and make threats "if you dont stop doing that we wont be going out this afternoon". I hate it. I hate that DD1 now talks in the same tone of voice and told DD2 last week "if you dont stop crying NOW, you wont be going to the playground". I dont want to be the Mummy who yells or smacks. Everyday I promise myself that I will recognise when the tantrums are about to happen and try and cut them off. Some days I manage and other days I dont (I still yell, havent smacked again thank god). I just keep reminding myself that her behaviour at two and a half is probably a good thing because it means she's hitting her "milestones" exactly as predicted. A bit like teeth, crawling,walking...now its independence.

    I'm only up to page 3 of this thread and find myself nodding my head at so many things other people are saying.
    This is me with my 2 young kids at the moment, even more since DH has gone away for work again. I feel like a terrible mother! DS is 1 next week and into absolutely everything, and DD is 2 years 9 months and driving me absolutely crazy. She yells at her brother all the time, and I feel like that's all my fault because I've been getting so cross with her. She hits him sometimes too, and it breaks my heart that she does that. For most of the day I have both kids literally hanging off me, and I can't seem to get anything done without disasters happening. DD cries and whines and carries on most of the day, and I just feel like I could snap most of the time! I'm at the point where I don't know how to handle her, and she knows I'm on my own with both of them so she just runs rings around me. I know she is sad that DH is away, she is getting this way more and more each time he goes away now. But I just can't stand the crazy, erratic and just plain naughty, behaviour. Not to mention the toilet training that has taken a few steps backwards since all of this.

    I just hope tomorrow I can keep my emotions under control and try to think before I snap at her...

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  13. #99
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    TimTamsandTea is offline ...if only all relationships were so perfectly sweet!
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    Thank you for starting this thread.

    I read it in its entirety, cried, hesitated to post, logged out, thought about the one thing I am so deeply ashamed of and logged back on.

    It's nothing different to what has been shared.

    The first 6 - 8 months of ds's life were very dark. He woke a lot. He had two surgeries during the first few months. The breastfeeding journey was painful and incredibly difficult. I struggled to cope. On bad nights I would yell, handle him roughly, and smack him over his nappy. I would imagine horrible things. I've had a few of those nights since that period. I am so deeply ashamed of myself that I feel physically ill. I shall never ever ever forgive myself for reaching this point nor do I believe I deserve to be forgiven. There is a part of me that remains changed forever because of these episodes.

    I have never hurt my son but there were times where I wanted to. In my sleep deprived and untreated pnd days, I was somebody I neither knew or liked at all. I kept it all so well hidden that even my husband is oblivious. I still cry in the shower over the memories of these nights and blame the soap or current pregnancy hormones.

    I often feel like I don't deserve my son nor the child that I carry now.

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    I haven't read all the replies (yet) but thought I'd add my share.

    My DD is 8 months in less than a week. And she is my whole world. But I don't feel good enough for her. I know I'm a good mum, but I don't think I'm a good enough person I guess. I have issues from my past that I'm only now getting seen to, I have 101 health issues, 9 out of 10 days I have zero motivation. We live where I don't know really anyone, let alone with kids, so she doesn't have ''friends''.

    I also feel terribly guilty that I work and she's in daycare 2 days a week (the other day a week alternates between DP & MIL). The amount of times I've called in sick just to stay with her...

    I love her with everything I have, but sometimes I just feel like it isn't enough, and she needs a better role model and better person to be her Mummy. And the thought of ever losing her to that person kills me...


 

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