Breaking the feed-to-sleep habit

**narribri** · 10-03-2011 15:44

So - Talia is 4 months old now. She has been boobed to sleep since birth - I didn't know not to, by the time I realised it was a bad idea it was too late. Since we hit the good old 4 month sleep regression she's waking every 45 minutes day and night, it took me a grand total of 4 days to hit the wall and realise that I need help.

Ngala don't seem to think its particularly important, we've got a month wait for a day stay that I'm not even sure we can afford.. but I need answers in the meantime.

I have tried the Pantley pull-out method from the No-Cry Sleep Solution, I have tried rocking, tried wrapping and not-wrapping, she has a comforter which she loves, tried music, white noise, no noise, sleeping in her cot, sleeping in the living room with me, sleeping in the dark, leaving the curtains open.. you name it I've tried it. I've even tried a little bit of CIO, despite swearing while I was pregnant I would NEVER do it (and still being incredibly uncomfortable with it, but also at the end of the rope). I have called all the helplines, I've read as many books as I can lay my hands on, I've googled incessantly.. nothing is working.

Despite the CHN telling me that its impossible for a 4 month old to be stubborn - I disagree. My daughter takes after me, we have mini clashes of will all the time even at this early age. She flatly refuses to go to sleep without the boob.. I drew the line a couple of days ago and she didn't sleep for 14 hours straight. I gave in before she did, unfortunately.

Has ANYONE here had this problem? How did you get your baby to stop nursing to sleep? Is there anything that you can think of that I could try?

**sampiglet** · 10-03-2011 15:59

I am having the same issue with my 10 week old- have spent all this week trying other ways to get him to sleep and end up giving in and giving him the boob to get him to sleep. Then he only sleeps for half an hour and wakes up looking for boob again. I am keen to break this habit sooner rather than later so any tips would really be appreciated! (luckily he is still sleeping at night at this stage though...)

**Rose&Aurelia** · 10-03-2011 19:22

i deeply sympathize with you... my bub did go thru that phase for a bit but now at 6mths she sleeps for about 1.5-2hrs in the morning and the same in the afternoon with 8-12hrs at night (with a feed).

i think its just developmental and they grow out of it. try co-sleeping for a few nights so you are not a hazard on the roads and it will get better.

i too once believed that you shouldnt feed to sleep. now after some reading i've discovered that there are hormones in bm that induces calmness/sleep. so now our pattern is feed/play/feed/sleep. the feed before a sleep tops her up and she sleeps deeper and longer with a full stomach. otherwise i was finding she was waking up cos she was due for her next feed anyway.

i've given up fighting with my daughter - now i go by her cues - hungry=feed, tired=feed+cuddle.

not sure if this is what you want to hear but our household is much happier and more peaceful now

**TheUndomesticGoddess** · 10-03-2011 19:24

i have no advice, but I think it's great that you are trying to sort this out now rather than in a year from now. I stayed in a place similar to ngala and there was a little girl in there about 15 mths old who was doing the saem thing and her mother was at her wits end! So, good on you for asking for help now ... I really hope you get some help soon, in the meantime...deep breaths!

**share a book** · 10-03-2011 19:33

I really wish it wasn't seen as "bad" to have bubs fall asleep in the way nature designed them to fall asleep - nuzzled into their mother's breast. This is exactly the type of pressure that other thread was talking about. Your baby is fine falling asleep on the breast it's how they meant to fall asleep and all those books saying it's wrong are responsible for so many mums feeling like a failure and so many bubs becoming distressed!!

Who cares if they are 2 and falling asleep that way? That's what they're meant to do so why not let them behave in the way babies are supposed to behave?

**shinebrite** · 10-03-2011 19:36

Have you looked on the askdrsears website? He has some great solutions but also reassurance. My 19mth old still BFs to sleep! It's not hurting any1 and she will grow out of it wen she hits that milestone! She may just b going thru a gowth spurt, she may have sore teeth/gums or mayb the slightest noise wakes her. One suggestion Dr sears suggests is time the waking, in your case you said 45mins, that's a sleep cycle change, have you tried going in 2mins before and trying to catch her in the act of stirring by patting her on the chest/back? It's pretty normal for a baby of 4mths to need to be comforted to sleep, specially the person who said a they had a 10wk old. CIO only causes destress, high blood pressure and a sense of being left alone with mummy not coming back. Just ride the wave and reassure bubs that you are there for them and they will learn to sleep in their own time, they grow up too quickly, soon you'll be waiting for 3pm to go pick her up frm school. Enjoy every moment. (hugs)

**shinebrite** · 10-03-2011 19:36

Originally Posted by swimmingupstream

I really wish it wasn't seen as "bad" to have bubs fall asleep in the way nature designed them to fall asleep - nuzzled into their mother's breast. This is exactly the type of pressure that other thread was talking about. Your baby is fine falling asleep on the breast it's how they meant to fall asleep and all those books saying it's wrong are responsible for so many mums feeling like a failure and so many bubs becoming distressed!!

Who cares if they are 2 and falling asleep that way? That's what they're meant to do so why not let them behave in the way babies are supposed to behave?

**RipperRita** · 10-03-2011 19:37

Both my babies always fell asleep on the boob right up until they were weaned.

**narribri** · 10-03-2011 19:53

I have been quite happy feeding to sleep to date, and to be honest I wouldn't mind continuing. The issue is the night waking because she needs boob to resettle. If I was still getting a decent sleep at night, I wouldn't need or want to change.

So no. It's not peer pressure. It's a choice I have had to make for my daughter in my situation.

At this point I am waiting out the rest of the week, as apparently it is a wonder week which could be causing the night waking. Then we are interstate for a visit next week. So I'll give it a bit of time, see what happens and hopefully I can survive the interim.

Still hoping for some advice if anyone has been there done that though...

**Lilahh** · 10-03-2011 19:53

Hon, I sympathise, really. My DS'S 4 month regression was utter hell. Bub was the same for me at that age. I cried and cried every day. Let me tell you this not condescendingly, but cause I wish I knew it back then. She is still only 4 months. She is such a little baby. The time for teaching her, as she has made it clear, is not now. She will be ready one day though, I promise, and it will happen easily. I feed DS to sleep till he was 6 months, and then one day he just decided nope, Im ready to go to sleep without help.

Please try going down the path of least resistance. Co-sleep and breastfeed her on demand and just try to survive. I resisted for awhile too, and I honestly think it made him WORSE. The next time he went through a feral patch and I just rode with it, it was over much more quickly.

Im so sorry if this sounds condescending, I feel for you, and that isn't my intention. Just really want your life to be easier and the way I found that was to just give DS what he needed while he was still so young.

FWIW, he self settles now without a peep and sleeps 12 hours straight, has since he was 15 months, and we did ALL the bad stuff and taught him nothing, he just taught himself when he was ready.

Edit: just read your reply. I really found that feeding to sleep had nothing to do with night waking, JMO. He settled back to 2-hourly around 5 months, it was one long awful month.