13month old sleep and behaviour

**katehelen** · 03-03-2011 20:44

I have a 13 month old son who hasnt really ever been a great sleeper. We havent really ever had a routine for him which is our fault and thats probably why he isnt a good sleeper!
But anyway this week we have started having a routine putting to bed shutting the door and thats it. Which is fine, up until now I havent been able to deal with the crying and leaving him to it but im getting over it.
Oh and we have been co-sleeping which is more for convenience than actually wanting to do it I guess, he just wants to stay on the boob all night! Im trying to cut back on the breastfeeding too so not helping!
Anyway so he ends falling asleep but only lasts 1 and a half - 2 hrs so are we suppose to just him to cry when he wakes up after this time? we left him the other night and he fell asleep but about every 5 mins he would like call out and then I ended up getting him out. and back in bed with us.

Since we have started doing this he has been super super clingy and wingy all day every day. And he is usually the happiest little boy ever.
So I dont know whether all this is actually worth it, i just want my happy little boy back but I suppose I want to sleep through the night too!
I dont know!
Sorry for the babbling on!

**mrsd** · 03-03-2011 21:52

Perhaps it's all a bit much for him at once?

He may be feeling a bit abandoned? Is it possible to have a mattress on the floor near you guys first, if he's used to sleeping in your room until he gets accustomed to being separated physically? You could have a special toy blanket etc on that "bed" that will stay the same when he goes to his new room.

Where does he have his afternoon sleeps? Sometimes that's a continuation. If he's familiar with a place in the daytime it's less scary at night.

Or you could sleep for a day or two in his room so that you're still there and are able to settle him more quickly, sometimes just by the sound of your voice etc until he is accustomed to the new environment.

We have a bassinette next to our bed to start, then the cot, then eventually the cot is moved further from the bed, then into the next room. Each stage is a bit clingy, whingy but as long as it goes slowly it is ok.

Hope this helps.

**Annabella** · 03-03-2011 22:01

I got so over my first daughter carrying on at bed time when she was that age, she'd take hours to go to sleep us cuddling her etc (she was fine once she was asleep). Eventually i left her to cry, she learnt quickly and started sleeping better, she didn't seem clingy during the day etc. But I have no doubt it did damage to her, and wish I could turn back time now. I have no issues with babies crying- it's how they communicate. But your son, by clinging to you during the day and crying at night, is telling you he is not coping with this. I think you should look into gentler ways of helping him to settle. Also I found after the first I didn't care much about how well they slept and the elusive 'self settling' and 'sleeping through', and baby 2 & 3 are the most chilled babies who rarely cry and have slept well with no 'training' from the. start.

**Annabella** · 03-03-2011 22:03

Of course if you are not coping and really struggling i think it's best to get on top of it.

**katehelen** · 03-03-2011 23:02

Annabella - I think your right, i dont think he is coping. The parts that get to me are just wanting to suck all night I could deal with the waking if he just left me alone, if you know what i mean. Its not that im not coping, i think its well hes old enough to be in his own bed and going to sleep.
The cot is still in our room so hes not far from us, but by the time we are ready for bed hes already woken up probably twice anyway.
Last night and tonight when hes woken and ive gone into him hes had a pooey nappy, could this also be a sign of him not dealing with the change?
What do you mean you think it damaged your daughter? If we stop with this will i get my happy baby back or is he going to be like this for ??

**Annabella** · 04-03-2011 13:17

Hi, I probably shouldn't use the word 'damaged', I just think compared to my other 2 she is a bit more insecure or something. She is very secure with me, I know she knows I love her etc, but she worries about if her friends like her and is really preoccupied with 'keeping up' with them with all the latest gadgets, tv shows etc. I think it's partly an age thing but I think, deep down, that me not being able to tend to her all the time has contributed to it. Don't get me wrong, she's a lovely girl, knows we love her, well behaved , no major issues, but I just wish in hindsight, that I had avoided letting her cry. She was a very good sleeper, slept through early on, but getting her to go to sleep was really hard work, and still is. She still, at the age of 8 tries every trick in the book to stay up late. I wish I hadn't worried about her going to bed at a certain time so young, we didn't really leave her to cry as a baby but it was very important to me that she slept well and I would feel really stressed when she didn't go to sleep when she was 'supposed to'. I was going through a tough time when she was about 1, and she was taking hrs to go to sleep with me patting etc, she was just nosey, so I felt I had to help her learn to fall asleep herself, and just let her cry. It was only a couple of nights, but it happened a few times over the next few years, and although it got the result we wanted (she learnt ti go to sleep on her own), I just don't think the trade off was worth it. I know at the time I felt it was my only option as I'd really start resenting her refusing to go to bed so I am not too hard on myself, but won't do it again. I really just wish I was more relaxed and less rigid with my expectations of her, like I was/am with my next 2 who seem more confident in the world. (DD1 is very confident too, I can't pinpoint whats different with her, just this thing like she feels she's missing out on something all the time).
Having said that, I don't know what I WOULD do if my child was waking multiple times a night, I know I would not cope withthat, I'd be completely exhausted. My friend tried a book by Shane rowely or something like that which she found helpful, like where you withdraw a little at a time, so maybe in your case, you put him in his cot and sit next to him, patting him etc, it'll take ages to start with but the theory is it gets less and less but he knows you are there. Then when he's ok with that, you sit next to him without patting, just talking etc, gradually move further away as he settles over the nights. Or maybe during the night you could cuddle him but not feed? I don't know exactly what she says but i think My friend found it helpful.

**kar** · 04-03-2011 13:30

Check out dr jay Gordon method. Sleeping through in the family bed for 1 yr + Very gentle method.

**Me&MrMagoo** · 04-03-2011 20:22

Originally Posted by kar

Check out dr jay Gordon method. Sleeping through in the family bed for 1 yr + Very gentle method.

Ditto ...

Or try the No Cry Sleep Solution by Elizabeth Pantley...

I was in EXACTLY the same position as you, except it had me in tears I was just soooo exhausted and just wanted him off me ...

We went to Tresillian and it was the worst experience of my life and I regret it ... We tried their cc methods for two nights and even they recognized that it was too forceful and traumatic for my Ds ... So they showed me how to settle him with patting etc IN the cot ...

I persevered with it for 8 weeks and I was getting more tired from getting up to him all night instead of just rolling over that he ended up back in with me ... BUT he has stopped feeding every hour ...

So after about a month in with ne he now has a double mattresson the floor in his room and I am SLOWLY night weaning with the help of the No Cry book and it's working ... Last night he woke 5 times but only fed quickly twice ... Just a quick pat on the bum got him back to sleep the other times ...

When I was in Tresillian my ds didn't 'speak' the whole week ... I was so heartbroken, it wad just too much for him and he wasn't coping ... It took atleast two months for him to stop being super clingy ... Oh gee it broke my heart ...