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  1. #21
    Veritas's Avatar
    Veritas is offline Diversity has value.... How boring would the world be if everyone was just like you...
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    I don't think there's any probably about it.... forcing your choices upon another person and not allowing them freedom of self expression is the issue here.....not the sexuality of the parent.... the same could be said for parents who force their girls to wear prissy floral dresses and have their hair long....

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  3. #22
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    I don't get it? Do you think her appearance is a result of being raised by homosexual parents?? Sorry. Just caught up on all the posts. I understand your point now.
    Quote Originally Posted by Pax View Post
    she is 18... We have just been trying to help her ... I have been trying to teach her that appropriate appearance helps with employment and attitudes from others.

    Whether we like it or not that is the case in this world and a certain level of conformity helps a lot when attempting to get employed.
    Last edited by faroutbrusselsprout; 26-02-2011 at 22:17.

  4. #23
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    2plusbaby is offline <------ "Jellybean" at 12wks 5days
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    Quote Originally Posted by Pax View Post
    she is 18... We have just been trying to help her ... I have been trying to teach her that appropriate appearance helps with employment and attitudes from others.

    Whether we like it or not that is the case in this world and a certain level of conformity helps a lot when attempting to get employed.

    Ok my first advice as an employer, take her to a job agency. They generally offer free courses to unemployed on how to act and what is expected of you in a job interview and in the workplace. These are often in association with the local TAFE or Adult learning centres, and teach basic skills such as money handling, professionalism, self confidence and self esteem etc. The often include a week or two in a workplace. They will assist financially with clothes for any job interviews that may come up.

    Try to be gentle in your teachings, I can tell you have her interests at heart but sometimes these things can be taken as critisism rather that friendly advice. Its great your trying to help this young woman find her way, but don't forget that 18yrs of parenting is a very difficult thing to "override".

    Maybe suggest to her that she doesnt need to wear a skirt or anything as such, a nice pair of black pants and a shirt will do. Not overly feminine but respectable and acceptable. Start small, I believe you will have more success of her retaining it.

    I myself have taken on many young ones (16-19) in similar situations (no real "life skills") and have found the most sucess from teaching them basic skills such as the importance (as you said) of hygiene, manners, how to speak in different situations, self respect and self confindence. Then move on to the rest

    Good Luck, I hope I have given you a slightly differnt point of view to consider

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  6. #24
    Veritas's Avatar
    Veritas is offline Diversity has value.... How boring would the world be if everyone was just like you...
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    Yes being clean and well presented does tend to assist in day to day life, in getting a job, in the way people approach you.... but I don't believe that it needs to be so strictly defined and come out of this pleasant little cookie cutter definition of how someone must dress..... promoting that is how these expectations are perpetuated by society at large.... one can be clean and well presented without having to prescribe to feminine and masculine norms.... people should be allowed to define who they are themselves, and the way people dress is a huge factor in just how people express that....

    I'm not saying that her mother hasn't made some less than ideal choices in forcing the child to dress in a certain way, but she certainly shouldn't be expected to fit with the constraints of "feminine" dress if that is not how she wishes to define herself, just for other peoples comfort...

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    Brood mare and runny babbit your dads sound awesome. This thread is very insightful and uplifting - I haven't know anyone raised by same-sex couples so it's great to hear about these loving families and happy childhoods.

  9. #26
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    2plusbaby is offline <------ "Jellybean" at 12wks 5days
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    What I miss from my last post... sorry baby brain...

    She, like anyone else looking for a job etc need to come across as "respectable". That however means clean, tidy clothes, not necessarily "girls clothes". However, people are judgemental and will likely judge her on whatever she chooses to wear. This I'm afraid is just how it is, she already knows this I'm sure. Feel free to help her but don't squash who she is, (which is partly what she wears to express this) so that she can conform. It will never make her happy or sucessful... generally just resentful.

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    I'm not sure how we dress has that much to do with what our parents dress us in.

    I know people who had mothers who want to put them in frilly, prissy princess dresses - but they'd rather shorts and a t-shirt and joggers now as adults.

    I know gay couples who don't have a "butch," member either - just thinking of the lesbian couples I know, none of them are particularly girly (no pink dresses or anything), but far from butch. They look like your typical 30-something working woman. Same with some gay male couples I know - some are fairly into fashion, but others just look like your standard businessman.

    If her mother squashed her own style that's kinda sh*tty, but I think it has to do with being an unfair parent, not a lesbian parent.

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    i don't think that appearance has anything to do with that. if a preson is given the opportunity to dress in the way the like, they will. no matter what their parents do or don't wear. evidence: my sisters are girly. i'm not.

    dp and i both shop in the men's dept when we buy clothes. by your logic, any daughters we have are screwed. neither of us own heels, dresses, skirts or wear makeup. but you know what, they will be given the opportunity to dress girly if they want. it's about parenting and opportunities, not sexuality

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    Quote Originally Posted by trishalishous View Post
    mpeg, im more damaged by the time mum dropped us at school in her nighty/slippers/dressing gown, and the car broke down in the drop off bay, than by any comment ive ever had regarding her sexuality.
    so i should avoid dropping my kids off at school and walking them to their classroom in my ugg boots then? bummer! i wear those things as a matter of course in winter. last winter i wore them to tafe, shopping, everywhere except work, really. poor kids

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    Quote Originally Posted by .mpeg View Post
    so i should avoid dropping my kids off at school and walking them to their classroom in my ugg boots then? bummer! i wear those things as a matter of course in winter. last winter i wore them to tafe, shopping, everywhere except work, really. poor kids
    Ugg boots are like the winters version of thongs..and I love them, and shall be buying myself a pair this year because they rock my socks.. (bit off topic...)

    Any way, I'm with the others, a woman doesn't need to look and dress feminine to get a job, as long as she is well presented then that's all that really matters. She might like some pinstripe pants and a white button up shirt, not girly, but still nice and something I'm sure she would feel comfortable in.

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