Fearless, I agree to a large extent. Obviously we shape and guide our children but so much, IMO, is just who they are.
I often get "oh, F is a credit to you". My stock response is "he's a credit to himself".
Because if he turns into a feral tomorrow it wong be because we are doing anything different!
I've read the book 'Brain Rules for Baby' which is based on actual research done on the human brain,and it explains a lot of things with regards to growing a smart,happy and moral baby.In regards to setting rules,it says that we need to tell children why they are being punished for something.Set rules and explain why they're being set.eg.Be careful with hot water,because you could get burnt,as opposed to just saying 'be careful with hot water' .
And we need to praise effort rather than intelligence,to develop smart kids.If you keep telling your child that they're intelligent and that's how they could solve the picture puzzle,the child will take their intelligence for granted and get confused when they're not able to solve it the next time.Praise effort,so that they know they have to keep 'trying' to get it right.
This book has helped me so much because it's based on how our brains actually work.
In all honesty I think no matter how you parent there are going to be 'mistakes' made. I think my parents did a fairly good job at raising me but even so now I see so many things which I wish was different about how I was raised. I wasn't abused but there is still things that effect me today from the way I was bought up.
And that is exactly what life is, there is no perfect parent.
One of my favourite quotes of all time is "there is no such thing as a perfect parent, but there's a million ways to be a really good one." And this statement is so true, people are raised in all different techniques and cultures doesn't mean any 1 technique is 'right'. It's just 'different'.
I've made many mistakes as a parent already, and I question myself daily about whether i'm making the right choices for my kids.
But at the end of the day I do realise I will be making mistakes.
Growing up my family was a closed book so one of the biggest things DH and I are trying to do is raise a family which is very open about everything. I want my girls to be able to come to us and talk about anything without fear of judgement/punishment no matter how bad it is. Growing up my brother and sister and I never told our parents anything and because of that we weren't really 'close'.
Yeah sometimes I do. I have worried a lot that allowing ds to be in our bed so much means he is still gonna be doing this at 8 and to be quite honest I think he is! Its not just that but in general we don't raise our voices much or have any hard and fast rules or consequences and although he is pretty well behaved I think he possibly thinks he is the boss here. But I am trying to learn how to be "firm and fair" like my mum was as I have decided it is probably a better approach. I think no one parenting approach has it all or is perfect and no matter what we all grow up imperfect and with some bad traits that are no doubt caused by something our parents did wrong lol. In general I believe I have made mostly good choices (fingers crossed) but yeah I do worry sometimes that there will be some horrible consequences to my parenting !
My parents were incredibly liberal and soooo easy going. While my brother and I turned out fine (in fact, I don't think my brother has ever even smoked a cigarette) and their style of parenting worked very well, I know it caused them a lot of stress when I was a teen because I walked all over them.
OP, my DS is now almost 5 yo and I find myself saying "because I said so" after explaining it and him still questioning me, I get tired of the constant and I mean CONSTANT talking and questioning from him so because I said so when I say it isn't me being a tyrant, just my way of getting him to stop giving me a headache
some people are so poor, all they have is money
some people are so poor, all they have is money
I must admit i do find it a bit odd that many people seem to think that 'good parent' = a child who sleeps well/is polite/eats their vegetables etc. There are plenty of good parents who have children who don't sleep well and are very difficult. It really does have a lot to do with the personality of the child.
I have two children and they are pretty much opposites in personality. One has always been full on, loud, ball of energy, stubborn etc and the other is so placid and quiet, gentle etc. Nothing different in my parenting just two different little people.
ETA: Reminds me of when you have a baby and everyone asks 'Is s/he a good baby?' which i discovered is code for 'Do they sleep through the night' - i always thought it such a weird question, of course my baby is 'good' it's a gorgeous baby but no she doesn't sleep
Last edited by MothersMilk; 21-02-2011 at 10:17.
How's the serenity?
When an internet forum is able to make you feel like cr@p, like you have nothing to offer the world and you're a complete waste of space, that your opinions are irrelevant & even if they were relevant no one wants to hear them...... then it's time to leave.......