I found out I was unexpectedly pregnant a few weeks back. I was devastated, I didn't want anything to change. I didn't want the pregnancy or the baby, I wished it was all a horrible nightmare.
It didn't take me long to fall inlove with the idea of another baby, a friend for DD and a baby to complete our beautiful family. We excitedly talked names and started to plan and get very excited.
I was so tired and sick all day and night it was totally different to when I was pregnant with DD.
Then the worst thing happened I started to bleed not enough to need a pad but enough to worry.
Off to the ER they took blood and did an ultrasound. They were all very lovely and kept saying "bleeding can be normal" then on Friday I went to get my second lots of blood taken which showed I was indeed having a m/c.
I woke up this morning bleeding very heavily, lots of clots and in so much pain.
I blame myself, I feel like me not wanting this pregnancy is why this has happened
How could I ever think a baby was a bad thing. I just can't get past this!! It's my fault we lost our little bub. I know I was only about 6 weeks but it was our 4th m/c so it just felt like my heart was ripped out yet again!!!
I just want to be pregnant again. I want to turn back time. I want to not feel this way.
If anyone got this far, thanks for listening.